ccpvsp_bloodynose

J Russell Has Terrible Bloody Nose, Nation in Shock
By J Russell
CiM Staff Writer

At first I thought I had SevereCombined Immunodefiency (SCID), then I thought it was the Chipotle hot sauce that got in my nose, then I slowly realized that the quasi-beloved Scorpion was choking me with a bean bag chair in the lobby of Cocaine in Motion studios. Scorpion's method halted my ability to breath but not my ability to laugh uncontrollably, so I laughed to the point where I got Gout. As the bean bag crushed my face, I began to feel a hot sensation on my face, I thought it was dying, or hopefully caramel, but in fact it had the metallic taste of blood and probably cookie jizz (based on my massive consumption). But alas, 'twas blood, semen of the nose. As I stood up, I could feel the hot blood collect in my nose, a simple breath would spray blood of all over the bystanders in the vicinity. I walked to the bathroom where I thought I could clean up. I was followed by a trail of blood and CiM frontman and fellow rheumatologist Sammy Q West (aka Titty La Chest)who advised me to not bleed on his floor or I would die. At that point, a huge blood soaked snot unit detached in my nostil, I was able to hold in until the assault of laughter I had when I saw the amount of blood on my face. For the next 25 minutes, I constantly bled into the sink, floor, toilet, tampon container, and that thing that people use to put their shoes on with. The bleeding was painful and unstoppable. I must have bled two and a half six packs of blood. After all this bleeding I really wanted a cookie but the only thing I could find was my blood covered fist. Apparently, during my haze of fist-chewing and massive blood loss, I was able to clean the blood crusted floor and hitch a ride home. So as I pick my nose, I would like to tell all those intend to fuck with Scorpion - Let him do it, blood loss is possibly the coolest thing ever, somewhere ranking between lying in your shower drink Khalua and that time you skipped school with Johnny B. and ended up at one of San Francisco's many vampire-stripper bars.

Thanks and good night - J- Russell , the only guy who truly rocks the poor man's Milano (the Café Crème)