The following is an interview with the Cocaine in Motion crew that took place in late Summer 2001.
Q: What is Cocaine in Motion?
A: It's something like that feeling you get when you score the winning touchdown in your high school football game. + orgasm. Cocaine in Motion is like a giant ball of twine, intertwined with three separate twine entities twine-ing for more twine. Oh yeah.. Twine. Get ready for explosions because that is what we are all about. Cocaine in Motion is god and the cure for anthrax. It is arresting the baby raper. We put your fears to rest and do not rape your infant child.
Q: When was Cocaine in Motion Established?
A: Cocaine in Motion was established in late 2000. It was not born on any specific date, but it has evolved. The evolution of Cocaine in Motion could only be accurately represented through the following series of events:
- Seth Teicher having sex with a skeleton in slow motion for 6 months.
- The skeleton going to the doctor to give a urine sample.
- The doctor steals the skeleton's feet, immobilizing the skeleton.
- Julian Roberts drinks the urine.
- The doctor kidnaps the skeleton and holds him for ransom.
- The skeleton fights back. Go skeleton
- Doctor wins
- Doctor tries to rape the infant but we stop him!
- Skeleton comes back to life and eats doctor.
- Julian Roberts gets sick from drinking skeleton urine.
- There is no cure for skeleton urine!
Q: Do the members of Cocaine in Motion use cocaine?
A: What is cocaine?
Q: It is a drug.
A: Nobody in Cocaine in Motion uses cocaine but we are open minded and willing to try new things such as cocaine and other extremely dangerous drugs. We will not, however, rape infants. That is where we draw the line.
Q: Do the members of CiM practice religion?
A: Sort of. Like most people associated with filmmaking, many of the CiM team are Jews. Several are Christian. Queerben is an athiest. "I will crush your feeble gods," he has said. The Deli G is a nonpracticing muslim, and Nigel is a nonpracticing black person.
Q: Does CiM have any mob connections?
A: Contrary to popular belief, CiM is not a crime-oriented institution which does not rape infants under any circumstances. The only connection to the mafia that Cocaine in Motion has rests with our friend and creative consultant Tom Vladeck. No further Questions.
Q: Where is CiM from?
A: We are all from Washington, DC. Many of us were raised in the projects, roaches and rats [Smokers out back, many of whom selling they momma's sofa]. Nobody really knows where Scorpion came from, however. We just found him outside one day near Dupont Circle, soaked in embryotic fluid and moaning in a sad and confused manner.
Q: Are the members of CiM friends with each other?
A: No. Cocaine in Motion is a business institution and must be treated as one. No intrapersonal relationships between members will be tolerated. Failure to comply with this rule will result in said member's removal from the group. However, homosexual relationships will be tolerated as long as everyone is permitted to watch behind a 3.5 inch thick layer of plate glass while eating a peach.
Q: Does CiM favor a certain type of music?
A: Sam West and J Russell favor go-go. They are forming a go-go band, "Cock Fuck", and as soon as they recruit the last 12 members [1 bassist, 1 bassist who just stands there but doesnt play his bass, 3 vocalists, 1 lead triangle, 1 rhythm triangle, 2 shouters, 1 skinny black guy who plays that drum configuration with 3 different tones of cow bell, 2 built angry looking black guys that stand on the stage motionless wearing towels on their heads.], they are hoping to record an EP, tentatively titled "Dick Fuck". The rest of the members of Cocaine in Motion are gay ravers, except for Alex Loew who is a straight raver.
Q: What can the public expect from CiM in the future?
A: Cocaine in Motion is hoping to turn some heads and crack some skulls. In the near future you can expect:
- More Short Films
- A Broadway Musical
- Chewable Candy
- Novels
- Smooth Jazz Radio Station
Everyone at CiM has high hopes for the future, and we are expecting a violent disbanding in about 3 months, at which point everybody will record their crappy solo album and then sink slowly into poverty.
Q: Do you rape infants?
A: Yes.
End of Interview