Prelude To Innovations in Motion

Waiting here since classes ended, the 15th of December, I have been waiting to leave Ann Arbor. Up until today, I was quite content with my waiting. Now, however, I am starting to have a lack of activities, which is good, all I have is two days, and I still need to pack and get to the airport and take my ultimate final for the semester. I am now, just sitting here.

The Slow Release of Life

I guess it started last Wednesday, the 15th, when my roommate Kevin left to go back to homestead of Atlanta. Slowly, people have been leaving, the people down the hall leave, the people on the floor below leave. All those people that I used to go walk around and talk to are not there anymore.

I know I have said that I like to be alone, but I guess I like to be alone when a lot of things are going on around me. Maybe, I like I know I am missing out on things? It gave me a satisfaction that I could reload the same web pages over and over again and not become bored with myself. But now the web pages are not being updated because everyone is home for the holidays.

The people I have talked to all the time are not there. All the doors are shut, some people who were just spending on semester here have removed all the things from their doors, and they are stark and bare. It seems every time I turn a corner I see someone down the hall walking away from me, and I turn my head and someone else is walking around the corner away.

And tonight, I helped my other roommate. I carried some of his things down with him and waited by his stuff for him to get his car and pack up. I came back up to the room, and I just watched TV, and browsed the web, and I was lost of ideas of what to do. I went and got a burrito, but it is not the same without a little bit of hustle/bustle... It really is the end of the semester, the end of all what I was afraid of.

What was the Big deal?

Back in the summer, talking to Friedman and Schwartz all the time about being afraid and uncertain of what college would be like ("Party in Room Dorm"), I remembered what I was scared of: I was scared I was not prepared to handle any sort of educational challenge that college would throw at me. I mean, I have never worked that hard at school consistently, so I thought that there was more in me than I had ever applied, but it was a fear none the less.

I did not worry about making friends. I have no fear about making friends. I am a friendly guy, and if I really want to I can be nice to mostly about anybody that is not a total bum. So, I knew that I would be okay (and it turned out better than I expected, it is so easy to meet people; most of the people here are ohkay, and there are people that I really like).

Now, sitting here four months from when I first arrived, still sick from the summer's diseases. I was being awoken by my roommate by his music and keeping the lights on, something I had not talked to him about yet. Classes had not started and I was so out of energy. I could not eat, drinking was hard and I needed a straw. Going to the bookstore for the first time was a little overwhelming, just because it was so unlike anything I had done before. I was terrified that I would buy the wrong books that were listed in one class, but under a different section.

Soon classes began, and I was still a little fidgety. On the first day of my Spanish class, I went up to the instructor and told him how unsure I was that I could handle this class because I had not taken Spanish in a year and even then I was not that great at it. But, I have done well, and I realized that I was at least at the same level who had been taking all the college level Spanish for the past year and a half. English did not seem that daunting compared to what I had taken before, and my Film class I was incredibly excited about and I sort of of knew what was going on... my History seminar, on the other hand, I was terrified.

I sat down and read the first chapters of the books, and I was lost as hell. Not only did I not know anything about American History (I took the class but past the Civil War everything seems to get a little hazy for me), but the books were just incredibly confusing. The work the professor was describing was insane to me. This would seem to be the opposite of how the class ended up. A part of a First Year seminar course is to get students used to the type of work they will be doing in college, and I got used to it. I created a nice website, gave a good presentation, led the class, and wrote a pretty swell paper. Not only was the professor incredible at his job, knowing the material and knowing how to run a class, but I was able to learn how to do things on my own. Nobody else was doing the research or pointing me in the exact direction I needed to go. I came up with my own idea, and I went through with it. After getting a nice e-mail back from the professor, I thought to myself:

Am I really this competent of a person?

It seems that to some degree, I am a competent person, I have taken care of myself, turned in work and not gotten behind, and had a good time while I have been here. What I was afraid of turned out to be nothing big at all, some people say the first semester is the hardest. If this statement is true, then it is going to get really fun soon, I bet.

The Road Ahead Heads One Way

So, the novelty of being in college has not worn off yet, which I assume is good. Things are still fresh and new (Monday night at a final I was about to faint thinking that I forgot a pencil, when in fact it was ohkay to use a pen), but there are the familiar things (mainly the food...). I have declared my concentration of Film and Video, because I need a creative outlet and it is something that I would love to do with my life.

Now, however, it is time to really close the book on this semester and head back to ★ ★ ★ = for some winter vacation action, some new years action, some home fooding, some rejuvenation.

College was not as scary as I thought it was. Thanks to those who got me here.