Susan Von Buran yelled to her servant lady to pour her some tea. Her servant’s name was Fanny May. She liked the concept of being in control of one of the most powerful businesses in the world, let alone on Wisconsin avenue, even if it was in reality just a middle-aged black woman that “the old bitch’s racist ass”, to use the five-word pronoun that Fanny used for her boss, hired with the help of four British attorneys who ensured that the woman was financially unable to quit. Fanny, though too tired and realistic to correct the old woman, was very smart, smarter than Susan, and smart enough to know that Susan, lying facedown on her gilded four-post bed with her face in a duck-down pillow, really had no use for tea, and would not be rising for another hour or so. Fanny went outside and did what she believed any servant who had to deal with such an insufferable bitch would do – she went outside and helped herself to a joint, telling herself that life is a bitch and then you die, which was why she got high.
Inside, Susan had, for once in her life, something that she actually had to do that morning, and, extremely uncharacteristically, got out of her bed. While she always woke up early, five-o’-clock-yell-at-Fanny-to-get-her-breakfast early, she was usually not actually walking around until seven. She often had big causes for society. Her cause today was a campaign against food. Perhaps that phrasing is overly dramatic, and unfair to Ms. Von Buran. Her campaign, more specifically, was against “those things ingested by humans which contain calories or smoke of any form”, so it was really a campaign against eating anything substantial, drinking anything but water and minerals, and smoking. She had determined that since so many harmful health problems stemmed from the ingestion of various things, it was best to restrict them from ever being sold to anyone. So she wished to have her tea, with no sugar, as sugar contained calories, and no heat, as heat produces steam, which Susan Von Buran considered a type of smoke. However, she could not get her tea without the help of Fanny May, and Fanny May was outside in the courtyard, blatantly violating the very guidelines she wished to impose against the ingestion of heated particulates.
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