Sumbitch!: Elephant Beer

March 31, 2005

Elephant Beer

The Danish word for beer is øl.

There is a beer here by the name of Elephant Beer. It is called Elephant Beer for three reasons:
1) It is traditionally served by elephants.
2) It tastes like elephants.
3) It turns you into an elephant when you drink it.

The primary ingredient is elephant juice, which is made utilizing elephants and a juicer.

What it tastes like, and what, consequently, elephants taste like, cannot be discovered. The Danish drinking age is 35, and my 22-year-old ID does not work here, although it does authorize me to buy the large on menus, in order to order (hahahahahahahahafuckingha) anything in a restaurant in the large size, you must be 21, and my American fake works.

Speaking of fake IDs:
Here are some ideas of interesting fake ID use:
A fake ID for the age of 11. This allows you to order off the kid's menu. Kid's menu items are often much cheaper.
A fake ID for the age of 36. This allows you to run for president. And if they card you later on, and someone finds out, maybe they will still let you keep your job if you have been doing well enough as the president. They will be like this: "That kid sure does a good job as the President. Let him stay"

Also, here is an idea for a movie/book/play sequence involving a dumb cop and a wily kid at drive thru liquor store. I have no time to write out dialogue, as am tired, but will outline ideas, dialogue can be adjusted/messed with/filled with hilarious jokes/written in Swahili.

COP - I want to see ID, you have alcohol.

KID hands ID

This is not driver's license. Can I get some driver's license ID

I do not have that.

You do not have a driver's license?

(Kid thinks the better of it, hands over license)

This says you are 19.

Only have to be 17 to drive.

Have to be 21 to drink.

I am 21. Check the other license.

It's not a driver's license.

I know. It's not my driver's license, it's my drinking license.

Fair enough. But you still need to be a licensed driver.

I know. That is why I have my driver's license.

Fair enough. But they say different ages.

One is for drinking and the other is for driving.

Ok, I see. Yes, that one works for drinking. And that one works for driving.

Can I go?

Yes. But be sure not to drive drunk.

I am licensed to drink and drive.

You are?

See, there I am licensed to drink, and there I am licensed to drive.

Carry on.

Thank you.

Posted by icejew at March 31, 2005 06:18 PM

Comments

this post is full of lies

Posted by: farbs at March 31, 2005 06:41 PM

seil fo lluf si tsop siht

Posted by: asdffdas at March 31, 2005 06:46 PM

back to basics, i like that

Posted by: dcohen at March 31, 2005 07:39 PM

That conversation is pretty close to what it would be like if you showed a cop two ID cards. The only thing i would say differently to a cop is when he says lemme see some ID for the booze i would simply reply in a whining voice "but i bought it for you." then we would precede to have a beer together. Im sure we would also arrest some hot prostitutes off K street and they would offer us sex in return for not arresting them. My life is so sweet

Posted by: Jon Mandel at April 1, 2005 09:50 AM

Just be sure you don't get the gay cop. He will take "but I got it for you" as hitting on him.

Posted by: DHI at April 1, 2005 11:00 AM

this might also be true of the homophobic self-hating closeted cop

Posted by: farbs at April 1, 2005 12:10 PM

wily.

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