Sumbitch!

Next intsallment: more on applying, including the "common app" and "early decision", and also "hearing from colleges" "picking a school" and "orientation week".

After considering these factors, forget them all and just go with your gut.
Now that you know where you want to go,
Schools offer something called early decision, which allows you to avoid applying to other colleges. This is useful because it saves time and effort, and prevents the bankrollers of your operation, your parents, from second guessing your choice. There is also something called early action, which is basically the same thing except less useful, because you will still have to apply to schools on the off chance that you change your mind, but you can use it if you don't know where you want to go.
Fact: The previous paragraph contained no jokes.
There is also something called rolling admissions, which is a way for overachievers to apply earlier to schools than necessary. This is nice because it allows you to "relieve stress," to use the douchebag term that is all over magazines in the dentist's office waiting room, and cartons of tea. If you often feel stress, it is a scientific certainty that you will die at age 34. Do not "stress" over this, however: if you live to be 34 you lived longer than Jesus, who was well-documented to be a sucker. It is equally well documented that people who say they feel "stessed-out" are douchebags. I hate them.
Another way to save time at the expense of schools finding out what they want is the Common Application, which apparently now is available at schools people are applying to. These are the advantages of the common application:
A) If you apply early to a school and don't get in, you are stuck with that essay.
B) It doesn't prevent schools from requiring a bunch of shit, because they ask for "supplements"
C) It makes it easier for people to teach specific essays.
This is why the Common Application is known as "The Breakfast of Champions" Kurt Vonnegut was paid $175,000 by General Mills for the naming rights to one of his novels. He is a sellout.
But speaking of doing essays, that is something that is necessary to do in order to apply to college.
A common topic is this: Why are you so fucking great?
This is easier to answer if you have no soul or suck your own cock on a regular basis. In this case, instead of jizzing out a new essay, you can vomit your own jizz onto the paper and hope that a nice self-appreciating paper shows up on it.
However, if this is not the case, then this will be the most painful part of the writing process; every time you say something good about yourself, you will feel like stabbing yourself in the arm. You can usually resist this urge, but just to be safe it is reccommended to not have a knife in your hand while you are writing your essay, though this is of course the most common way to write essays.
Another part of the form is the extracurricular activites. "Extra curricular" means either "much more circular than normal" or "not part of the curriculum" so technically anything you can do, including jacking off and eating, could be listed here. However, an important detail is missing. The activitiies must be bullshit. Well, hopefully you will not engage in any bullshit activities, but most activities listed in this section are bullshit, that is basically done for the purpose of getting into college. Other things done for the purpose of getting into college are sabotage and admissions officers.
Besides the essay, some facts, some short questions that are hard to get wrong, and the extracurriculars, there is one last part of applying to college: the interview...
Coming up next...Interview, "after you apply", and a breakdown of college life