I just lost $240+, along with a driver's license and college ID today, to my job. To recover from this, I am going to need to get money.
To get money, one must study those who make money. In modern America, the yuppie is humanity's most efficient money-making machine available in large quantities - it is the yuppie I must study: the more I know, the more I can figure out how to emulate them.
Therefore I am comissioning a study of the yuppie. Anyone who provides information will receive not only a small cash reward, but also free access to my final written analysis. Participation is fun and easy - you can study yuppies while you work, while you eat, while you move around the city, or even at your family dinner table if you have yuppies in the family. If you are romantically involved with a yuppie, you can study them while you participate in sexual intercourse!
If you wish to assist in the study here is what to do:
Contact me to get a code name and some manila folders.
Carry a notebook around. This notebook must be labeled with something like "Project Deltoid" and, if possible, stamped with "classified" stamps or the like.
When you see a yuppie, take notes on their behavior, including a physical description, activities, and any words overheard.
Preferrably, wear dark sunglasses while taking notes.
If you have a camera, take pictures of the subjects. Use the largest camera possible.
Contact me when you have compiled about a week's worth of notes, divide the notes by subject (even if it is only a few notes on each yuppie), and, if possible, place a (preferably black and white) picture of the subject in the folder along with the notes. Contact me to drop off the folder .
SUNGLASSES AND HAT (WIDE BRIM RECOMMENDED) ARE REQUIRED FOR ALL DROPS.
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