"All I want in life is pretty nails that I don't chew on or break with frisbee. All I want in life is to make my hair pretty and walk around in heels in a fluffy dress."
Guess who the woman is.
The same one who comments on this blog implying that misogyny is misplaced.
Have a feminist english teacher? You may want to try out these misogynist poems. They are all quatrains with the abcb or abab rhyme scheme. These brief poems, and the ideas expressed within, will be sure to provide entertainment for the whole class and spark intellectual debate.
"Inferior"
Oh woman you are
inferior to I
now suck on my cock
and bake me a pie
"Blowhole"
Oh a woman's mouth
has but one purpose
that is a blowhole
just like a porpoise
"People"
Women aren't people
they are soft and pink
and great sex objects
but they cannot think
"Cooking"
To say that all women
are good only for sex
ignores all their cooking
like tasty Tex-Mex
"Female Boss"
A female boss
it is something quite funny
it means the loss
of the company's money
"Diamond"
Do not buy your wife
a diamond at mervis
remind her that women
were put here to serve us
"Solution"
There's a simple solution
when a woman must talk
silence her runaway mouth
by inserting your cock
"President"
There's a reason our President
has not a vagina
She'd ruin us and she'd sell off
our country to China
"One place"
There is only one place
that is useful on women
and it is that fun place
where the sperm go swimmin'
If you thought I liked you, this is time to prove yourself wrong! Comment on this post, with your name if I don't know who you are, and I will say something I hate about you and a member of your immediate family. This is inspired by JRussell's livejournal, but unlike him, I will actually follow through on these comments.
[21:43] CobayoLoco: hey, do you know how many talking points the siebs wants for essays
Ihavegodinacage: a lot?
Ihavegodinacage: yo have you heard of dj screw?
CobayoLoco: nope
Ihavegodinacage: oh dude
Ihavegodinacage: you have to listen to his shit
Ihavegodinacage: it is amazing
Ihavegodinacage: seriously, he is the man
Ihavegodinacage: (Link: http://www.mp3.com/dj-screw/artists/146699/songs.html)http://www.mp3.com/dj-screw/artists/146699/songs.html
Ihavegodinacage: listen to "make money"
CobayoLoco: ok
Ihavegodinacage: are you listening?
CobayoLoco: no
CobayoLoco: I will
Ihavegodinacage: DO IT
Ihavegodinacage: DO IT NOW!
CobayoLoco: no
Ihavegodinacage: You are missing out
Ihavegodinacage: This guy was the man
CobayoLoco: was?
Ihavegodinacage: he loved his opiates
Ihavegodinacage: a little too much
CobayoLoco: oh
CobayoLoco: right
Ihavegodinacage: now he is deceased
CobayoLoco: yeh
Ihavegodinacage: and it is your fault
Ihavegodinacage: for not appreciating his music
CobayoLoco: shhh
CobayoLoco: trying to write
CobayoLoco: i'll listen to him later
Ihavegodinacage: you have contributed to his downfall by not supporting him through the capitalist system
I am for 2nd ammendment rights these days.
If you want to take issue with it say so.
It just makes more sense.
First, my idea for a headline that is not "Heil Papem" (the point of which is to insulted a public figure about which I do not know very much based on basic stereotypes):
"Minorities Sour About Election of Kraut"
Well, these bring to light the facts that the new pope is
a) A German
and
b) An asshole
He appears to have all the shitty conservatism of the old Pope without any of the cool friendliness. This man is all business, all efficiency.
The reader will probably ask at some point, this question: Aren't you applying German stereotypes to this fellow you know nothing about?
The answer is clearly yes. But I know enough about him not to like him. Because he came across as an asshole in his speech. What the fuck is the problem with moral relativism anyway? It turns out that relativity shows TIME isn't even the same from different points of view (like seriously, events can be simultaneous in one frame of reference and those same events not be simultaneous from another one, according to this British "bugger", I gotta learn some more of that shit) , why the fuck should something as non-concrete as morals be? I mean you'd expect the laws of physics to be more universal than some arbitrary laws of morals. Well they are. Because this Pope is full of shit.
Shit-filled as he may be, pinatas of the Pope should still be filled with candy. Maybe unrapped Tootsie rolls, but still candy rather than shit.
Before I forget
great idea for a diner to cash in on this
"The Pope" breakfast special
Eggs Benedict + 16 oz steak + shot of Jager*
Get it? Benedict the 16th, German?
In diners where opium is legal they could serve opium with it as the celebratory white smoke.
Opium is only legal in 13% of US Diners.
Anyway, I think they should just interview random people about the Pope. And one of them should just be like "Man, fuck Raztinger. That motherfucker don't know how to do nothin' but hate". Also one of them should call him a kraut.
I told that kraut a fuckin' thousand times I don't worship Jesus on shabbas.
Arch-conservatives should build arches.
Like the one in St. Louis.
Catholicism's stock is falling, man.
I tell you.
Expect that shit to start losing customers.
*somebody try to come up with something else German that is eaten for breakfast, so they could serve this thing at Steak 'n Egg.
P.S.: Does the name Ratzinger remind you of William Zan(t)zinger?
Cardinal Ratzinger killed poor Moishe Goldberg
With a staff that the held in his papal robe hands
at a Vatican City society gathering...
you can take it from there
Please tell me that somewhere in America a paper has the headline "Heil Papem"
Today is a time during which very little is happening. This is ok. Everything is ok these days. I have turned lazy.
One might say that potatoes are lazy as they do nothing but get baked and then eaten. Similarly, I eat potatoes. Today, in fact, I ate potatoes imbued with the magical properties of chiveness, cheesihood, and baconry, covered with chili which was in turn covered by cheese, bermuda onions, sour cream, and meltdown sauce.
Frisco's is the shit.
Food is the only thing on which I will spend time and energy. My work being obsolete, I tend to ignore it, and having so much free time I tend to waste it. My words run into each other like wheat in the field blowing with wind of times, that which travels through our past, stops in the present for a roundabout, and drudges merrily on toward the future, leaving no tears for caring about our simple fates. That last sentence demonstrates the nature of the bullshit I have in plan.
Let me explain.
Here is the plan:
Become famous
Have some sort of artistic following
Make a work that looks really meaningful but is a bunch of artistic-sounding shit strung together
Once this work has gained popularity, make a public announcement that everyone who thought it was meaningful was an idiot.
Fuck dizard's mom
Liquor Warehouse is the greatest business idea in history.
Here are the principals in liquor warehouse:
1. Minimize costs (to the max)
2. Have no side businesses that cost money.
3. Have free side businesses that make money.
4. Maximize the ease of liquor purchases.
Liquor warehouse will be most successful in the South.
It is located in an actual abandoned warehouse, the cheapest available outside Atlanta.
The warehouse will already have vats in it for some purpose. In these vats, liquor, beer, and wine will be made using the cheapest ingredients possible.
All beverages will be available in a variety of containers of different sizes. These containers will be acquired from recycling bins. The liquor warehouse people will come by in a pickup truck right before the recycling truck does.
Also, you can bring your own container, and pay by the volume.
Additionally, someone will have a side job in a hotel, restaurant, and/or bar, and will get a beverage called "Best of [Place where they work]" that is taken from the unfinished drinks. On it will be listed some of the top shelf varieties of alcohol that it contains.
Furthermore, there will be a pawn shop located in the store, where you can pawn anything for store credit. The deals are pretty good in terms of what alcohol you get but still enough so the store makes a large profit on resales. Liquor Warehouse accepts cars, so people can sell off their cars, especially if they are stolen and then when people don't want to drive a car home drunk, they can buy one to drive home so that nobody sees their license and reports them and so they can wreck it and just leave it.
Also, there is a "club" option where a portion of your paycheck goes directly to the store, and in exchange you get a 20% bonus on store credit.
On the bottles we sell ad space. The advertisers just have to provide stickers and some money, and we put them on the bottles. These are ads for things alcoholics like.
If you are too drunk to leave the store, you can sleep in the warehouse for like 5 bucks on a mattress taken from an alley.
People will go their for:
The extremely, ridiculously cheap liquor. (Due to the prices able to be low from no money spent on ads, careful distilling, labelling, bottling or distribution. Dirt cheap)
Being able to get any specific volume they want.
The great selection of things at the pawn shop.
The money is spent on:
Security
Alcohol making materials (minimal)
The money is made from:
Pawn shop
Pass out room
Liquor sales (huge volume of sales)
Liquor warehouse becomes known by:
Word of mouth.
News articles by people angry at it.
Southern rapper thinking it is cool and referencing it/putting it in video (ie, him and his boys going in with a hollowed out propane tank in the back of their truck and filling it with whiskey at the liquor tap). In exchange for the placement he gets to buy stuff at zero profit rate.
Liquor warehouse will increase alcoholism in nearby areas by approximately 400%.
Once liquor warehouse has enough money, it will deliver alcohol on call. The only investment is a telephone; employees will just take whatever car is in the pawn shop to deliver the stuff and will put it back afterward. Gas costs are more than paid for by the delivery fee. It will work well for poor people/kids parties.
Avoiding licenses and such will take convincing from bouncers/giving policeman cheap liquor.
We have a fucking baseball team. How kickass is that. It is now real, the Washington Murder Capitalists have won their first series, against the Philadelphia Phillies. This is pretty much great.
For the summer season, Osman and Joe's Steak 'n Egg is adding an ice cream cooler, deli style sandwiches, and a movable cart that will travel to the outside tables. Be sure to stop by to see this wonder and support the best place in Tenleytown. This goes for you vegetarians too. They have like a cheese sandwich or something. And if you're vegan or something well then you should stop, and you can get like a toasted piece of bread or something, I dunno maybe bread has egg yolks, then ask them to fry up some vegetables or something.
This is exciting, it should not change Steak 'n Egg for the worse, and maybe even for the better. They were moving the freezer today, and for the first time ever I saw Steak 'n Egg closed, but still I got my food because Osman is a good guy. So I think it should all be ready by like next week or something.
Particularly, the following things were true:
The Danish word for beer is ĝl.
There is a beer [in Denmark] by the name of Elephant Beer.
Elephant Beer never harms elephants in the making of the beer.
It is made by an elephant-friendly company, Carlsberg*
- there is no elephant juice added to the beer.
*this is true in the sense that Carlsberg does not harm elephants and has statues of them at its brewery.
Corrections to the previous post on Elephant Beer.
Elephant Beer never harms elephants in the making of the beer. It is made by an elephant-friendly company, Carlsberg, and much of the brewing process is actually run by elephants - there is no elephant juice added to the beer. The distinctive elephant flavor comes only from the elephants swimming in the beer during phases of the creation process. This makes not only elephant-flavored beer, but beer-flavored elephants, which causes the beer-loving Carlsberg Elephant tribe to lick each other all over in order to get that delicious elephant beer flavor.