Sumbitch!

Titites

Sam I really am taking them off, photoshop was fucking up and then I got lazy, but I'm gonna get them.

More like Web Uncle Tom

Our webmaster is not assuming the role of the webmaster, but rather of the web Uncle Tom, saying "yes massa" to the censorship laws and such.

Therefore I will have to censor these breasts. It is very regrettable. What is the point of breasts if they are not bare? But I do have good news. It could be up to four days before I get around to doing that.

The bad news is that the boobs will not continue in half-assed manner. It would be too wrong. So therefore it is the end of the "second glory days" of this blog.

Go back to expecting useless crap.

It's Good to Have Land

This is rambling and random speculation that is not too accurate

If I make a lot of money, I will be able to choose where I live.

Where to live, if you are rich, is a game of flee the rich people. You have to find a cool area, where good stuff actually is that's not too fancy and where shit is still cheap. But then eventually rich people will notice it is a cool area and move there, and laws will be made that make it less of a good place to be, and stuff will get more expensive because of rising rent. Then you have to leave. This is how real estate agents get rich. If you were moral you would never move to these places, and just stay in quiet residential areas so as not to gentrify places, but it will happen anyway, and minor gentrification is good but it always gets way too major. Also it is self-sacrifice to do it, where I live now, well it is far from anything all that interesting, and like people who live out down near Pinehurst, they can't even walk to places on Connecticut.

Because places change, and so do people, real estate agents have money, and moving van drivers have jobs.

Ray Cash

Ray Cash is a man whose "demonstration tape" was disributed "at" the "promenade". Each song contains the following information:
The artist's name is Ray Cash.
The artist's native city is Cleveland, Ohio.
It more than likely contains a sample of one of the two clips of people talking that is used throughout the album.
I suggest you "hit that shit up"

"Son"

Might as well have someone more familiar here:

Pizza and the effects of sunlight and melanin

There are basically two ways to make great pizza:
One is to have really good cheese and crust, and the basic pizza is just really well executed and is delicious. I don't know if they really do this in D.C., I don't remember having ever seen it.

The other is to get a decent pizza and throw really good shit onto it. There is like one at Papa John's with barbeque sauce. Also, today I got Red Baron pizza, and I took some salami and bacon from my fridge and then sprinkled parmesan cheese all over it, and added on like 5 mushrooms and some red pepper flakes and some onion slices. I put more cheese and pepper flakes on after it was done, and some italian seasoning. It was good. Not as good as maybe a really good pizza to start with, but it did improve it significantly, especially the bacon.

Now, anyway, here is the point. Somebody should invent a pizza featuring fried eggs. Do not be foolish and shoot this down too quickly. Fried eggs are great with cheese and toast, not so much with tomato sauce but you can like replace it with hollandaise or something. There's a way to do it I'm sure, and I suggest a chef figure it out.

Also, here is what I am thinking for Steak 'n Egg. One day after I get my paycheck from this summer job, well I will go and order this and pay however much it costs:

Burger like this:

Buns are flattened biscuits.
Burger is topped with country gravy. Inside it are fried onions, mushrooms, and pieces of sliced breakfast sausage.

In conclusion, both burgers and pizza can benefit from good shit thrown on them.

And now the effects of sunlight and melanin and shit:

Arrested Development Renewed!

Check it out check it out check it out check it out

Prom Was Lame

Prom was pretty lame. On the other hand I got some really good chicken wings at Geisha. "Better than at hooters", I told the waittress. Well, partly it was my own fault for not leaving the prom earlier, I really should have, it was fun for like 30 minutes, tolerable for 15 more, and then it got into talking loudly over bad music in uncomfortable clothing with people who were bored while some people danced. I mean it wasn't terrible the whole time, but it was pretty lame. My own fault for not leaving though.

Here is an blonde asian chick who writes things on her boobs for money. Sweet.

Dallas is gonna be fairly good this year. They don't have any major holes and their blitzing capabilites are getting to be pretty fucking vicious, vicious like Musonda Mulenga, the self-proclaimed most vicious man in Deal's class of '02. The offense has people who can git-r-done, more or less, not people who will dominate but people who will score some points, and the secondary is more than able to control teams considering the help that the pressure's gonna bring.

Yeah I'm aware you're all Redskins fans. Fine. I'll say something about them. Drafting a quarterback was fucking stupid, particularly drafting a quarterback who wasn't Alex Smith or Aaron Rodgers, because if it's not an absolutely top-tier quarterback, there's no reason to try to work in another rookie when you've already got Ramsey and three quarterbacks on the roster, and have to drop one for a cap penalty, when there's other major holes on the team.

Are The Breasts Bothering You Women?

Here is a picture of Dizard's mom:

I had to do that so that a google search for "Dizard's mom" would show a picture of a partially nude woman. I would go for fully nude and having sex, but this site has more respectability than that.

Anywho, just as a matter of interest, are you women (the one+ of you that read this) bothered by the breasts? I may decide to change the policy, I may not, but I decided I'd uncharacteristically have some consideration for your kind.

On the other hand I'm probably not changing this breasts included policy.

I gotta go to sleep and maybe read some more of this kickass book "All The King's Men". Reading is underrated/overrated, depending on who you're getting your ratings from and what you're reading.

Reading Railroad is good stuff, especially early. You can really get the early development going if you get Reading and like one or two more, you get a lot of 50 at the point of the game when it matters.

Prom is gonna be pretty lame, it's tomorrow. My dad paid for a tux even though I didn't want one and now I have to wear it, I'm only contributing the gratuitous fanciness of the event, and not enough people are taking the fanciness ironically to make it good, like I could see maybe getting a bunch of tuxedos for a joke surprise party you were throwing to make fun of somebody, but to do that for serious is just annoying. Oh well, at least I can show up in the Saturn to take those limo kids down a few notches.

Downhill

Why is it that downhill is always bad? What if all the good stuff is towards the bottom of the hill?

We will see. You and Sumbitch are headed for this bottom of the hill, and it will be a great ride, hopefully with lots of fun along the way.

I had a great idea for something to write a blog about yesterday.

Well let's see.

How about those people who cut themselves? If you were in a knife fight, you'd hit the jackpot getting one of those people. You don't even need a knife, you can just stand back and let them do the job.

That reminds me, what about that saying "hurt yourself".
This conversation could take place.
Mom, I got hit by a truck today.
Oh my goodness! Did you hurt yourself.
No.
Oh thank god.
The truck hurt me pretty bad though. I lost both my legs.
WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! Why would you do something like that?
(later that day)
Here's what you get for being a wiseass!
Ow!
Did you hurt yourself with that paddle?
No mom, you hurt me with the paddle! OWWWWWWWWWWW!
Did you hurt yourself now?
You hurt me! OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Did you hurt yourself?
Yes mom, I did. Owwwwwwww!
That's what you get for being a wiseacre.
Give me a break, I don't have any legs.

One thing a wiseass would do is name things using generic words to replace real words in common naming patterns.
Like so:

Adjective Bird Whiskey (Wild Turkey, Old Crow, Famous Grouse, Grey Goose though it is not Whisk(e)y)

Would you buy Adjective Bird Whiskey? If you are an alcohlic and it is the cheapest available, or if you are a wiseass.

The wisdom of asses is often questioned, but never disproven.

A lot of times people change future actions to justify past actions even though it is not currently the best decision. This I consider foolish. Such as "we spent money on X, so we should do it" if you would rather not do X. It is irrelevant how you acquired the ability to do X, the money has already gone to waste if you don't want to do it, it is just doubling your losses by a waste of time to do it.

Here is one scenario from a debate tournament that really pissed me off. We win a round in the playoffs but we would rather get lunch and go home

Why don't we just forfeit the next round?
The team we were against last round worked really hard, I don't want to screw them over.
How does us forfeting this screw them over?
They don't go on if we forfeit.
They don't go on if we don't forfeit, what's the difference?
We should have forfeited that round.
Yeah, we should have, but it's too late, we can still get out while we can and forfeit this one.
Well I don't want to screw them over.
They have already been screwed over, our decision doesn't affect them.
(one of the previous things repeated)

It just made no sense. This was well after the time that debate had team spirit, and we weren't gonna win the thing anyway, the other person wanted to leave too but felt bad about something pointless.

Cut your fucking losses.

And not your fucking arms.

If you cut yourself, your enemy wins the battle.

If you kill yourself, your enemy wins the war.

If you jack yourself off, you get a handjob. Your enemy wins nothing.

It should matter more whether things are correct than politically correct.

Roy Rogers chicken is indeed good, but Popeye's is better. The chicken itself is of a higher quality, although it doesn't quite have the same crusty "fried" that is great on Roy's.

Prom is gonna be lame. I shouldn't be going.

If the Wizards can't win a game at home when Shaq is out, they are fucked.

The Orioles better start losing. This is the year of the Nationals. This and every one after it.

Chick X is a shameless flirt who is amusing but never backs up her flirting. Girls should be legally required to do so.

Your mother is older than you, by biological necessity.

Lighting things on fire causes the release of particulates. It also makes a fucking sweet fire if the thing burns well enough.

Burn down houses, man. It protests the system.

Rich kids who don't enjoy life are really doing a lame-ass job of trying to enjoy life. It is really easy to do so if you don't have to be distracted by hardships and working hard and shit.

I mean like rich kids with severely debilitating diseases have excuses, but I mean whiny preps or whatever.

A man what can't appreciate Steak 'n Egg is not a man at all.

A man what can't ejaculate onto eggs is not a man with balls.

I mean provided he's offered the pathway to the eggs. Passage is very restricted at times.

Ecstasy is a dumb drug. Sorry.

People who think cities are expensive are people who go to expensive places. So many people go to the wrong places. They should think logically, their suburban sense of superiority should tell them there are many poor people in cities, do those poor people go to expensive places all the time? No. Do they live in the city? yes.

Suburbs, like real suburbs where a strip mall is the only part of the town and the city is not accessible except by highway, are the worst places in America culturally. Bethesda is not in this category of suburbs, it is just an anomaly.

Maryland besides Montgomery County is not bad. PG county has cool places like the bowling alley on Eastern and New York Fried Chicken which I haven't gone to but looks good, and Frederick County has Frisco's. Baltimore County has Orioles games and fucking awesome aquarium. Montgomery County has assholes.

Further evidence: Montgomery Burns is an asshole.

Coelomates have assholes. Deuterostomes make them first. Britney Spears is a deuterostome, and were she a protostome the mouth would be first. Either way would have kept her out of her current situation.

I estimate there are 57 truly great cities. There are more truly great ditties, and titties. Then again, cities are great at a higher rate than ditties and titties, as long as you only count cities of a certain size.

I've gotta make the story of the jewish slave reparations come to life.

When are they gonna shoot Hunter Thompson out of a cannon? When they do, I want to go and I want taco burgers to be served.

"You Got Served" and McDonald's should have teamed up for great advertising by temporarily changing the number served signs to "You Got Served", or perhaps "To 1 Trillion: You Got Served"

Served and serviced are different things.

Tolstoy wrote a book called War and Peace. If it was about War as well as Peace, it was about everything. He could have just called it Everything.

No I no not really.

I understand that title, asshole.

Titleist.

Makes golf clubs.

You can beat people over the head with golf clubs.

But the gig is up because Mason already knows.

You know what I mean.

The girl got an abortion.

Looks like we won't see little Cash.

Yet.

Mason should do a lot of cocaine, knock up another waittress, and this time he won't get off lucky. He will have to kill her, and run from Nawlins to Mexico. They will get him in Juarez, and he will be sentenced to 99 years in Folsom. The spacetime continuuum will flow in a curved pattern, and it will happen before Johnny Cash performs Cocaine Blues. He will be able to say "This is for my grandson Mason. "

Unfortunately they are not direct decendants.

Nathan Bedford Forrest.

Redwood Forest.

Gulfstream Waters.

Woody Guthrie was a commie, so was Dylan.

I have had Bootleg Series 1-3 for several months, but I was also after the music and never had listened to Last Thoughts on Woody Guthrie more than a few times.

It is fucking brilliant.

I'm gonna go and put hyperlinks on that stuff so ya'll can read.

There.

Done.

Done like a thing with a fork in it.

Stick a fork in it, it's done.

"Stick a wrench in me, I'm done." - Lindsay MacDougall

Never did get that wrench, he just shot her.

Wrong Lindsay.

If it imitated that family Buster would be named Caitlin. Think about that.

Hyperlinks again?

Too lazy.

Lazy, hazy, purple haze, purple haze makes people lazy.

College students have all these new age "hazes", name their weed and stuff. Well, hopefully it's not all of college what does that, seems kind of obsessive to me.

Love and Theft is a far better album than many recognize. Fuck Japanese poetry, whatever.

House of Representatives.

Yeah, Tom Delay's going down, whatever man, it's good, but they gotta get the districts in Texas back.

Lloyd Doggett, there is a good man.

Four on the floor, bitch I have five on the floor.

I'm gonna miss driving.

Hate it or love it the don's on top, if it's true I hate it, 50 cent is some shit, though he can be used to purchase sodas in the right places.

Aces.

Faces.

Facebook, fuck that shit.

Rap's MVP? Bullshit man, no value in that. Rap could do without him. Dre maybe an MVP in that people with limited talent often depend on his production skills. That's the impression I get at least.

Yeah that song's playing.

Man some people have contempt for people who don't know music. I can understand, though I don't know a lot and am one of the contemptees, in that I can feel the same way sometimes but the real thing is I just want more people to get the stuff I really like. Don't know why it matters.

Batters.

I could get the batter on a spatula, the extra cookie batter.

That was some good shit.

Better than the cookies, even.

When you are grown up, you can get cookie dough whenever you want, nobody's gonna stop you.

Fucking awesome.

You also get closer to dying.

Dying is gonna suck because the world kicks ass.

Somehow I'm not letting that bother me.

I have been writing for awhile I suppose.

I wonder how long this thing is.

Long biscuits, why is a biscuit a gun? Long biscuit sounds like a biscuit that is not round but is rather shaped like a sub roll to accomodate a larger biscuit sandwhich.

Motherfuck an english muffin, motherfuck a bagel, and a motherfuck a piece of bread. A biscuit is the best choice for the bread on a breakfast sandwhich.

Osman should be president, he would probably be corrupted by power though. It would be bad, but he is human. I don't even know him that well, other than the very few minutes of conversation each time but he seems like a good honest man and most of all has created one of the best institutions ever.

Keep at that way, there's no reason to try to expand that to President.

That said, why can't we have a President what's a good honest man.

That was the idea with Jimmy Carter, and he didn't do so well.

Great man, though. Jimmy Carter had a big heart.

Well probably not anatomically but figuratively.

A figure of speech is a figure of speech.

Notice I didn't say "is" again. That annoys me. "A rose is a rose is a rose". "A rose is a rose" is already tautological, and "a rose is a rose is a rose" just doesn't make any sense.

Look at that rose. It's a rose all right.

Rows of grain.

Rows of corn.

Cornrows.

Dreadlocks.

Padlocks.

Paddy wagon.

Albert Patty.

What a character.

Character flaws.

Ulysses S Grant had a character flaw.

He was a drunk.

Drunk.

Whiskey.

Whiskers.

Catfish.

All I want to do is fish.

Well that's not all but fishing's nice.

I'm gonna go to sleep and try to have a dream about fishing.

That never works.

Here are Some More Breasts

These breasts are also located on a living woman, and are seen here from the side view, which allows you to see that they do indeed have volume. As you can see, the nipples are fairly large, and the girl does not have armpit hair, which is a positive. Interestingly, this seems to be a beach, which means that perhaps at beaches girls of this caliber can be found exposing their breasts. Where they can't be found is anywhere I am. One reason you should try to make money is that you can pay women for sex.

Getting Desperate?

I have gone a tried and true route and decided that posting pictures of breasts will increase the perceived quality of my weblog.

Here are some breasts. They are attached to a woman on a beach.

Gotta Love This Poster

I like the old style poster, I am really looking forward to this show, tickets are still on sale and you should all get them. You're not gonna get a better chance to see the greatest musician ever with his voice near the worst it's ever been but who cares along with a venerable country hippie who makes some good laid back country music.

Furthermore, Bowie is not in Montgomery County. It is in Prince George's country, which is infinitely better in that it is not the dregs of society.

For those of you who like weed, these guys were smoking weed long before a bunch of dumb kids started making holidays based on numbers, and one of them introduced it to the Beatles and the other burned one on the White House roof.

Who knows, maybe Dylan will play Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts. Even if he did the rest of the show would still be great.

Chipotle - Not Great

I'm sorry to have to say this, and I don't want any comments on this because I don't want to start an argument again, but Chipotle is by no means a great restaurant on the level of other Tenleytown places, namely Steak 'n Egg and Frisco's.

"Ridiculous" would not even begin to describe the idea that Chipotle's cultural value was anywhere close to Steak 'n Egg's. I don't even need to explain it. This one factor blows Chipotle out of the water and into a landfill where it belongs.

Foodwise, Steak 'n Egg works well for whatever kind of hunger you're feeling, they got all the basics.

Second, mix as you may try to, the food is all the same basic theme, it is not like Frisco's where the combinations are much more varied and the differences far more significant, especially when you compare to Frederick Frisco's and the expanded menu, but I suppose we should talk about Tenley Frisco's, either way there is nothing close to as unique or universally amazing as exploded potatoes at Chipotle, and also the laid-back interaction with employees is much better than the assembly-line approach at Chipotle.

Check this out: Since the closing of Frisco's, I have been to the Frederick location at least six times, and I have been to Chipotle, in that same time period, once. The number of times I've been to Steak 'n Egg is far greater. They are both better on a purely culinary level, and far far better when you look beyond that.

Frisco's and Steak 'n Egg, along with Ben's Chili Bowl, hold a place in my heart that Chipotle can never get close to.

And come on, that steak is not good. Anyone who is still saying the steak is good, well you should go and try the steak, maybe you forgot. Take and individual piece out and eat it. It's not good. It takes too long to chew and lacks flavor. Steak 'n Egg makes a much better steak, and they don't have to use any "braising" neither, they just throw that sumbitch on the grill.

Wilson High School Serves You Well

It is nearing the end of my Wilson experiences, as those AP tests are passing, and my classes are ending, and I can't expect to see all the people anymore. In that it sucks. The thing I like about school is that people who amuse me are always there, whereas I can see my friends outside of school the whole show is no longer there, the live interactive show with ridiculous characters like Kris Blessing, and a great deal of semi-friends I'll rarely see again. I can't gank chocolate covered strawberries from women holding them out on trays demanding a dollar for one berry (a BERRY for a dollar? Think how much cranberry juice would cost if that was the case) or put up banners making fun of Willis in the hallway or listen to Wright's ridiculous arguments or catch whiffs of weed smoke wafting out of bathrooms. I will have nobody with which to discuss the merits of very-special-level cognac and pipe tobacco ciagars and nobody will give me non-condescending advice on my hairstyle. There will be no more games with the administration or hilarious teachers who are caricatures of themselves. There's people who went through Wilson missing the show and focusing straight on the traditional education, spent their time bitching about the school's problems in earnest rather than having the sense to realize the experience was good, those people should go to private school if they're missing that shit anyway, but really not going to Maret was the best decision I ever made. People's lives at Maret, Sidwell, GDS, they are homogenous and dull, they sort of half-know it, but they still pay for it, whatever. Next year I will not often talk to real middle-class people, like the middle of the country middle class not the white asshole middle class, which is too bad because those conversation are more honest and fulfilling and a lot of times white people of 85th percentile intelligence bring a lot of annoying caution and self-righteousness to the table, and also a lot of them regurgitate what they've heard and do it sometimes with skill but they're not saying anything. I'm probably exxagerating, but you probably know what I mean. I want to talk to people who can talk about things like how dry IHOP pancakes are compared to those at Steak 'n Egg because they're microwaved, and not have those people speak ironically or think the conversation is trivial or beneath them.

Speaking of Steak 'n Egg, what a great place. I think that more and more each time I go there, and going daytime mornings makes it true in an entirely different way than it is when you go at night. A good person should go to Steak 'n Egg and fall in love with it, it is everything that is right in America. God bless Steak 'n Egg. You all know it, I don't need to tell you, but I need to say it.

I suppose everybody goes through this when they leave Wilson, but the contribution that place made to my character is undeniable, had I gone to Maret I would have stayed shy and scared and over-polite and inexperienced, I wouldn't have even had the time off to explore the city, my favorite place would be some lame really nice house with a big screen TV and a TiVo and a lot of Smirnoff Ice, it's scary to think of. It just shows how you can't judge people who are boring because the upbringing makes a big contribution.

Someone is making a new "Wilson Movie". I don't know what it is, but my suspicions are it will suck. The security guard who wanted to work on Cocaine in Motion is going for it, Swest should sign him to a contract before he takes his talent elsewhere.

Should I go to prom? I hate the fucking spirit of the thing, either because of jealousy or because I'd hate it anyway, but it doesn't even seem like a fun spirit to laugh at because there'd be nobody to laugh with me, and I don't wanna ridicule people and ruin their dumbass special day. That shit is not my style. Neither is working for professionals. They had the last Wilson Players thing I could have been part of, I walked out of the tryouts because it was a professional, the thing went really well and was fun to watch, I don't think it would have been fun though, Bernstein's review of it will be his last, there's a man who took a thing to do and did it, he reviewed every Players event at Wilson, for some reason getting a good review from Bernstein made me happy, even though it is just the Beacon and he always gave good reviews except for Moby Penis, but then again everything was good at least that I saw, except for Moby Penis.

Although I have the car for the rest of summer, I'm gonna miss it after that, I really enjoy driving, especially with the manual transmission, I'll never go automatic, I'd rather drive my 100 hp stickshift Saturn than a top-shelf Mercedes that shifts itself, and that's the truth, Ruth. Man, I saw that movie, Do the Right Thing, for the first time at Mr. West's film studies class when I went up to "observe", and that movie is now one of my favorites, I rented it from Potomac Video on DVD but I gotta buy that shit. It's a funny movie that is also very moving and it's funny because it's about real people, some of it is my reality because it's everyone's reality, some of it is my reality because I live in D.C., some of it is not my reality but a reality I observe, and some is not my reality or a reality I observe but one that is well-portrayed. Am I overrating the movie? It's rough and imperfect, whatever, any great thing is not about the percent perfection but the heights it reaches in certain areas, fuck Wright saying there's no throwaway lines in Shakespeare and that's what makes it great, he does add some cheap jokes for the audience, what the fuck is the cobbler thing? Shakespeare was a good man, but I'm gonna say that more recent works are better than his, not that the people who do them are better than him but they benefit from the evolution of art, shoulders of giants, you know the saying, he was standing on shoulders and people stand on his, and people on theirs, but you can't tackle the guy on the bottom and make it all fall down because he's been there so long it's made of stone. That was an awkward and senseless metaphor mainly there to wrap up the sentence but it made sense I guess.

I never realized until a few weeks ago how fucking great To Ramona really is, nobody does anything like that with rock but that goes without saying.

I had/have some hope for rap.

Nobody can rap like Ghostface these days, the way he presents thoughts really quickly with rhymes of all sorts and switches before you have time to think about that and makes the words sound great, and he keeps it going for a minute and a half, Fitty, he doesn't even have good delivery, it goes without saying that the lyrics are shit, some of the beats are good but they're Dre and Eminem, who I still don't think is a good rapper because when he comes up with clever rhymes it comes off as stupid and incoherent and when he tries to tell a coherent story it just ends up shitty, but Dre, hell of a producer, but the problem is that he realized that what sells party rap that focuses on beat and chorus and doesn't use any focus on lyrics or delivery skill, which is what I think of rap as being about, good for Dre he saw it and he took it and ran with it and won with it but the result was lesser art, can't blame him but don't like it.

I could have seen Dylan at the Beacon in NY with Merle Haggard but my mom made my dad sell the tickets, it was the worst decision ever, is a tired day at school going to matter in my life more than going to the concert? I really should have bought those myself, I'm gonna catch the show at Bowie with my dad, the poor guy is overworked and worried about being a good parent, and doesn't have time to be who he is a lot, maybe me going to college will help him out a bit.

Damn this entry, it's sentimental and shit. It'll probably make me sick when I read it.

Semitism?

Ihavegodinacage: anti-semitism is something I love though
Ihavegodinacage: it's like the best thing in the world
merced99: oh of course
Ihavegodinacage: I mean it pretty much has to be
Ihavegodinacage: it's the anti of the worst thing in the world
merced99: well duh

Ihavegodinacage: what is your favorite ism? prism or anti-semitism?
angelcarver92: are those my only options?

Ihavegodinacage: what do you think the best thing in the world is?
Ihavegodinacage: anti-semitism?
smorgasbordman: are you drunk?
Ihavegodinacage: what sort of answer is that?
Ihavegodinacage: is anti-semitism the best thing in the world or is it not?
smorgasbordman: what sort of question is that
Ihavegodinacage: a question about what you think the best thing in the world is
smorgasbordman: what i think the best thing in the world is? having a beer and relaxing with good company
Ihavegodinacage: that may be fine and dandy
Ihavegodinacage: but it doesn't deal with the problem of jews

Ihavegodinacage: what is worse? jews or cockroaches?
doctor caligare: jews or cockraoches
doctor caligare: hmmmm
doctor caligare: that's a toughi
Ihavegodinacage: the cockroaches are mainly harmless
doctor caligare: i'll go with Cockroaches
doctor caligare: they been around longer

Ihavegodinacage: if you could kill three groups of people, who would they be?
Ihavegodinacage: besides jews?
robertmmkay: hmm, intriguing question
Ihavegodinacage: I mean jews counts as one but I'm assuming it's a given
robertmmkay: canadians and hardcore feminists

Ihavegodinacage: How rampant is the pro-semitism at Barnard?
WBAR request: my co DJ [name removed] says "Far too rampant," but seeing as we're all Columbia men, we don't have a handle on those sorts of things
Ihavegodinacage: ah
Ihavegodinacage: how is it at columbia?
WBAR request: fine and dandy. I take it out for Maneschevitz and dancing, along with the pro-Islamism and pro-Christianity, they get along peachy though sometimes there's some bitterness over the third crusade

The Rest of the Holidays!

Did you young munchskins think the crazy ol' bee had forgotten to finish the month? Shame, shame, shame on you, Seamus! The bee never forgets. That is one way in which bees are much like elephants! The other similarity is that they are around the same weight and that both are able to fly!

The next month after October is November! November's favorite holiday is Christmas, and it is very close to acquiring Halloween, but right now it has the most Indian of all holidays, Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving commemorates how the pilgrims gave thanks for Indians for helping them learn to grow crops! After they learned it, they killed most of the Indians! Today, we still eat old Indian foods, such as Wild Turkey, and we give thanks for things in our life, such as our family! Then we kill the people who gave us the things we are thankful for! Just kidding, don't worry! God is responsible for all the things we are thankful for, and nobody can kill God, not even God Himself!

Fun Fact: Suicide is a "sin", a rule that God makes for people not as good as Him!

Food for thought: Did God make people not able to commit suicide because he couldn't kill himself and didn't want people worse than him to be able to do anything He can't?

Words from the Wise: "Everybody knows it's impossible for human beings to destroy themselves" - Sammy West! "Slammin' Sammy" writes for the same Science Journal on which Sumbee appears, but the bee can't tell you which column he writes!

January: January is not really after December, but much, much, before it. However, when we get to the end of December we rewind, so January comes next! New Year's Eve is a holiday in December - wait, December? The bee forgot December!

December: The best Holiday is Christmas! Christmas is when Christians like Chris Hoiles believe Christ was Christened, for Christ's Christmas! It is celebrated by hanging stockings up near the fireplace, and by the miracle of Jesus, they do not burn down, just like the burning bush! Not only do they not burn down, but presents form inside of them! The little kiddie kids like you all have to be good to get the goodie goods, or else you get a lump of coal!

Fun fact: During the depression, parents used to make their kids be bad so they could get coal in the house!

January: New Year's day takes place at the beginning of January! Often, people are already awake for this, and sometimes they have drinks and things! There are fireworks and confetti and scary flashing orbs and lots of corks in the air! This is to celebrate the fact that the old year is over, and nobody is punishable for anything that happened during that year, so everybody has a "clean slate". In the old days, everybody used to get a new slate to write on in order to symbolize the clean slate, but now slate is extinct and this is no longer possible.

February: There is a holiday in February, but everybody forgot what it is...everybody except the bee, who never forgets except sometimes with January! The bee remembers that it is Valentine's day, when people in love with each other buy each other chocolate and shoot each other through the heart so that they cannot love anybody else. Today, the valentine's card is in the chape of the heart with an arrow, but the heart is not actually shot. The card symbolizes "this is what happens if you have sex with a stranger".

Fun fact: In the movie "The Big Lebowski", the big bad man Walter breaks a car window and says "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass" Oh, oh, please forgive the bee's language, it is a quote, somebody else said it, not ol' bee!!!!

Anyway, when the bad man says this, he is making reference to the Valentine's day message, which means he is in love with the person he is saying it to!

March: Saint Patrick's day is a day in March when the Irish people March. They don't march all day, though, because a big part of the day is drinking their beer and whiskey and irish cream! How do you drink cream, you may ask? Well, the Irish love drinking so much, they can drink anything, even cream! Oh those silly Irish! Also, corned beef, which is beef with corn inside it, is traditionally served on this special day! Corned beef is eaten by Irish and Jews alike!

Fun Fact: Both Irish people and Jewish people are white people that other white people don't like! If it wasn't for them, white people would be more racist!

April: The bee is going to tell you all about it - April Fool's!

Just an April Fool's joke for you all! Have a good 34 days, and then the bee will beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee back!

What if?

What if ee cummings was just fucking nuts and by weird coincidence created meaningful poems?

The Bee's Guide to Holidays

Mayday! Mayday!

It's the old Sumbee, back again, proclaiming his love for the Maymaymaymaymaydaydayday!

Sorry to scare you, young high school Studebakers! It's not an emergency, it's just the name of today - May first, a.k.a. May day! It is celebrated all across the world, by commies and non-coms alike! In many countries, a maypole is used. A maypole is a pole around which people run around shouting "Mayday! Mayday! Mayday" until they fall over dead! The song "Pockets Full of Posies" comes from this practice!
"Ring around the rosie
Pocket full of posies
Heroin, opium
we laugh like clowns!"
This was back in the fun time when kidlings were allowed to use drugs! But these days, kids using drugs does nothing but make the Sumbee very sad :(. But the Sumbee is happy because everybody who reads this is too smart to use drugs! What the Sumbee wants to tell you all is a fun, safe way to have fun - holidays!

Jews think that the word "holiday" came from "hallah day", because it was a day that the jews ate hallah, a special kind of jew-bread! This is wrong. The truth is, most people don't even know what hallah is! What it came from was the phrase "holly day", because holly is there at Christmas, and also in recent days because Halle Berry's name is sometimes mispronounced! Fun fact: a holly berry is a berry on a holly tree, and it's red - Halle Berry is not even HALF Indian! But everybody knows some holidays, and it is time to go over them, one for each month!

May - Mayday, sillies! The bee already done told you! Oh, you did not know? Your bottom had better phone somebody! Just a little fun phrase the bee likes to throw around - think of somebody trying to use a phone with their bottom!

Okay, there is another day in May, it is the sixth day of May, cinco de mayo, which is Spanish for "the sixth sinking day of mayonnaise in May!" This is because , when Mexico was gaining its independence from Spanish, they started what they called "economic sanctions" to protest the tax on mayonnaise. This was fancy talk for them not using any mayonnaise for their tacos, and in protest they would sink a mayonnaise boat every day, starting on Mayday to show Spain that it was an emergency! On the sixth day, Spain gave up, and Mexico took over its language and got its independence!

June - There are no holidays in June! The bee was silly to even bring this up.

July - The Fourth of July is celebrated by racists all across the United States! It is supposed to celebrate freedom, but there is still slavery in the U.S., so it is thought to be hypocritical! It is also celebrated by people who hated John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, because that is when they died. Those people go to their graves and pee on them! Eeeeewwwwwwww! This is a fun holiday because it has fireworks, but because of the pee it is sometimes smelly! Lucky bees don't have nostrils!

August - Labor day is the day when women are supposed to go into labor, but is no longer observed because of rampant, round-the calender, uncontrolled sexuality, but that "ain't no thang"! Today, it marks the beginning of school! School used to start in September, but now it starts in August for private because Labor Day got moved to August for people who spend enough money to do it!

September - September is time for tthe poor man's labor day! You already knew that!

October - In October, there is a holiday called Halloween! all sorts of people go and dress up as ghouls and ghosts and ghoblins and ghreen tree frogs and even BEEES! This is the beeest day of the year, because when the people get dressed up, they then run around asking people for candy, and because everybody knows about Halloween they all have candy! So why do they need to ask other people for it? Because they can get different kinds that way! Why do they need to be in disguise? Because it's just so dern silly to think of ghosts eating candy! How does a ghost eat? Nobody really knows, it's a job for the Discovery Channel.

Fun fact: More living people die at Christmas than any other day of the year, but more dead people come back to life on Halloween than any other day, so overall holidays save as many people as they kill!

Halftime! The bee will be back tomorrow with the other six months!

Fun fact: Six months is the time of a pregnancy that takes 2/3 as long as it is supposed to!

Fuck It

Family Guy is coming back. This is great. Arrested Development is going away. This is terrible.

Why did they do it?