Sumbitch!

Hey Everybody

Ok so I sold out and made a quiz
Try it out

Pie v Cake

Here is a preliminary Jester thing (West tell me which other ones you want me to write if any besides the Jew one)

Here is the text I typed up - the idea is these are internal notes scrawled to each other by pie executives passing notes during a meeting:
Hey Doug tell your wife I said thanks.
Fuck you Bill, I'm waiting until your daughter's 18th.
Yeah but seriously check these ads out Doug - could be trouble?
Uh huh...yeah that's pretty strong
Should we try to skew younger to counter them?
We're already doing that with discontinuing plum
Yeah but is that enough? I was thinking we try to turn the four and twenty blackbirds into like a weed thing to pick up stoners...maybe sell the mini-pies as munchies...you know like "hey dude, it's four and twenty, let's get baked and have a pie"
Too risky - backlash could lose our core buyers
Middle America's not going to abandon pies, they're
(paper is ripped)
That was close man, Williams was about to catch us and make us read it out loud.
No dude I think we let them take the mainstream teen market their material is too strong
Come on man, what about American Pie?
They already turned that on us
Shit you're right
Nah man we go for our core market, and ride the 9-11 thing

Ok that is all that I had during the meeting, reading over it it is not very good that last part, but there is plenty of ways to take this and plenty of other sort of things to do (pie in face, pot pie, I dunno whatever) but most will not be used shit can be cut down.

An idea for a smear campaign is to find a guy who smoked a lot of cigarettes, an upstanding Southern Man, and say that he is a "Chronic Smoker", putting emphasis on the first word to make it sound like he smoked marijuana, but ultimately this would fail because people who use the term chronic are more likely to support such drug use. Using it the other way around would of course not really work.

The idea of the diving board could be expanded to all sorts of diving, rather than just into pools, pools of chlorinated water to be specific. Diving boards could be placed on the Calvert Street Bridge and above dumpsters.

An adjective with a country or state (or region of city) name makes things sound cool:
Texas Toast
Chinese finger trap
Cleveland Steamer
All would be failures without the first words.

What if you switch them?
Texas finger trap
Cleveland toast
Chinese steamer
A Texas finger trap would be a chinese finger trap made out of netted barbed wire. It would hurt.
Cleveland toast would indeed be toast that was placed on a woman's chest and defecated upon.
Chinese steamer would be what, steamed dumplings? Or perhaps it would be the standard Cleveland Steamer but the feces would contain soy sauce.

Bush dies;
Who cries?

How To Win The World Series

The Washington Nationals should change their name to the Washington Blue Sox in order to ride this trend of Sox winning the World Series in four games. And whenever a team got into scoring position and couldn't get anything done they would have the words "Blue Balled" on the jumbotron and an animation to go with it.

Question mark man referenced!

Check it the out

And the man has a blog!

Sumbee: How To Bee Cool

Hey kids, kidneys, kidney transplant hopefuls! Hope you had a great summer! Ol 'Bee, he went to the beach with a bunch of my best bee buddies and had bundles and barrles of fun!

People might say a lot of things about the Bee, but one thing the Bee was very surprised to hear is that some people think the Bee isn't cool! Beeswax! The bee is as cool as Coolio, L.L. Cool J, Cool Papa Bell, and Kool cigarettes all rolled into one! But don't smoke cigarettes, kids: just because the bee is cool like Kool doesn't mean it's cool to smoke Kools! A cigarette is for kids what a bear trap is for bears: something that leads to their death. Bears don't often die of cigarettes, and kids usually stay out of bear traps, but the reverse can happen all the time, and sometimes cigarettes do hurt bears like when they start forest fires and make Smokey (one of Bee's best buddies!) sad, and sometimes kids will get caught in bear traps when they wander in the wrong places! But you don't need cigarettes or bear traps because you can bee cool all by yourself, and Bee is gonna teach you how!

Cool people wear sunglasses. This is a big thing that you must have known since you were a kid from playing Mindsweeper: the smiley face always looked so cool in those shades! Shades is what cool people call sunglasses!

But it doesn't just take sunglasses to be cool, because anybody can buy sunglasses except really poor hobos, and even they can steal them! There are lots of different ways to get sunglasses! And there are also lots of different ways to be cool!

Some people say to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yourself! Bee careful, however: this only works if you are cool yourself! If not, you will just be your own uncool self and people will make fun of you and be mean and not invite you to parties! So the easiest way to be cool is by some kind of group!

Mainstream Groups
These are for people that are really cool!

There are different types of these groups depending on if you are a little man or a little woman!

Men: There are two kinds of mainstream cool groups for men: The fraternity and the non-frat-frat-guy group! The difference between these is that some of them live in a house together with greek letters and drink light beer and throw parties for lots of people and "hook up" (this is a fun term that can mean anything!) with drunk girls, and the others hang out in a house together without greek letters and drink light beer or maybe regular beer and throw parties for people and hook up for drunk girls! These are both lots of fun! Just beeeee careful not to talk about things besides how much fun you are having and how much you like people and who you know, or the drunk girls might not like you! Also, beer is very dangerous! Even cheap light beer has as much alcohol as expensive tasty beer! Alcohol can do lots of bad things to you, like make you throw up and give you headaches and make you lose your judgeship! However, you can still be part of frats! All you have to do is get really good at throwing ping pong balls into cups, and you will make other people drink the alcohol and have it all to yourself! The Bee doesn't like to have to do this, so he just avoids it altogether, and that's the way most people should go, but the frat can still be very fun and cool!

If you are a girl, you don't have to drink or join a fraternity (which is greek for "The City of Brotherly Love!) to be cool! You can join a clique! A clique was invented, by the French, in 1801 by Le' Countessemena de Clique, which is pronounced "Leh Cow de Click" and means "The Countess of Clique"! All you need to make a click is a pretty girl, and then other girls can follow her! Remember one thing, though: it is no fun to be in a clique if you let everyone else hang out with you! Then people won't feel like they are special just because they around you and you won't be cool anymore :(. Be a happy queen bee and be sure to make your clique very exclusive for MAX COOLNESS FUN!

If you are worried about only playing with boys or girls, don't fear! Get your group to team up with a group of the other gender to make a fun supergroup! You don't really hang out together all the time, but if you are boys the little clickity-click will only hang out with your group when they hang out with boys, and if you are a girl the frat or non-frat group will only hang out with your clique when they hang out with girls!

Counterculture Groups

If you don't want to be in one of the mainstream groups, you can be in a counterculture group! The fun thing about these is that you can be different and have a sense of individuality! These groups are easier to join than mainstream groups because they usually like anyone who does all the things they want, which are more specific than mainstream groups so they are easier to follow!

After all, some people don't like Cliques. The rapster Tupac said about the Notable BIG
"First off, I [bumbled] your [bee] in the clique you claim" So it is better to be in a group!

Whether or not you do drugs, you can define yourself by it! If you do drugs, you can be a stoner, and if not you can be straight-edge! Either way, the main theme is that you either do or don't do drugs! To be a stoner, you have to smoke lots of marijuana always, and sometimes "trip" on other things, like mushrooms and LSD (this is what the Beatniks wrote "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" about) and staircases! You can listen to lots of hippie music and watch special stoner TV Shows and Movies! But drugs are dangerous and kill poor little Bees, so the Sumbee doesn't like stoning, even though that Forrest Gump song said everybody has to, he was talking about stones being thrown at you, which is just as dangerous but is not your fault! So it is safer to be straightedge! The straightedge group was started in Washington, D.C., our nation's capital, and as you can see from the straightedge movement, it is also the Capital of Cool! What is straightedge? Some people say "A straightedge is a tool similar to a ruler, but without markings". That's a mean definition, because tool is a bad word to call people, and straightedge people are too cool to be tools, and cool enough to stay in school! Straightedge people can enjoy life without the ability to draw straight lines, because they can just use a straightedge to help them draw them! They also enjoy life without drugs or alcohols or tobacco (tabasco is OK unless you are "hardline" straightedge) because they listen to hardcore music, which is like Rock n Roll but very loud and fast and without people paying attention to what they are doing! But in straight edge you pay attention to what you are doing, as long as you are not doing drugs! Remember, drugs do you! This saying means that drugs smoke and inject and snort people just as much as people do these things to drugs!

Hippies are another non-mainstream group! Hippies are known for their very rebellious politics! Every hippie has the same simple philosophy, as true rebels and free thinkers: lean as far to the left as possible. Not literally, silly! This means the "left wing", with communists and things, instead of the right wing with Nazis and elephants!

The other kind of counterculture groups are what the bee callsmean-ol-groups! There are punks and skinheads and goths! All of these are similar in appearance, with dark clothings and piercings and funny hair, but are different in beliefs! There are different kinds of each one:
Punks: There are two kinds of punks: punks in jail and punks out of jail! In jail, a punk means a smaller person that is friends with a bigger person, but they let their bigger friend decide what to do! Outside of jail, punks wear mohawks to represent the fact that the founder of the punk movement was a Mohawk Indian!
Goths: There are two main kinds of goths: ostrogoths and visigoths! Both of these are Germanic, however, and for fun they build churches with high ceilings!
Skinheads: There is only one type of skinhead, but remember that some people who are bald are not skinheads! They just shave their heads or are old and bald, and you must be nice to them and not call them skinheads or they will get mad and so will the real skinheads!

Well, b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee well ol' b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-buddies!
It's time for "da bee" to "jet"

Alright alright alright

I'm gonna give this place a month to see if it improves before I start filling out transfer apps to places the fuck out of this upper east coast region, and not to California neither. I don't even know where to go. Maybe not to college. I know what the fuck I'm talking about, I know the disadvantages. I guess I now have some major incentive to get good grades.

Why would you live in Upper Northwest if you got the moneys to live elsewheres?

Probably for family and bullshit.

But the two places to live are right fuck in the middle of the city where everything's right there or way fuck out in the wilderness where you can do what you please on the land. Anything else is bullshit.

Interesting Fact About the California Penal Code

187 on a motherfucking cop is actually a 190.2

California Penal Code:
"
190.2. (a) The penalty for a defendant who is found guilty of
murder in the first degree is death or imprisonment in the state
prison for life without the possibility of parole if one or more of
the following special circumstances has been found under Section
190.4 to be true:
...(8) The victim was a federal law enforcement officer or agent who,
while engaged in the course of the performance of his or her duties,
was intentionally killed, and the defendant knew, or reasonably
should have known, that the victim was a federal law enforcement
officer or agent engaged in the performance of his or her duties; or
the victim was a federal law enforcement officer or agent, and was
intentionally killed in retaliation for the performance of his or her
official duties."

190.4 for its part goes on to list the procedure for finding the truth of the special circumstances such as the victim being a cop, motherfucking or otherwise, after the defendant has been guilty of the 187.

So while the term "187 on a motherfucking cop" still applies since the victim must be guilty of a 187" ((a) Murder is the unlawful killing of a human being, or a fetus, with malice aforethought.), the more specific case of the motherfucking cop is 190.2.

Also there is the possibility that said motherfucking cop was killed off duty or without knowledge or his or her status, and for reasons entirely unrelated to being an officer of the motherfucking law, but such intent seems inconsistent with the theme of the song.

And niggaz can't FUCK with that
shit that I drop cuz ya know it don't stop
Mr. One Ninety Point Two

Doesn't sound very good in rhyme.

and I guess

Yeah, and it don't stop
Cuz it's 190.2 special circumstance 8 found via to be true under 190.4 resulting from the killing of a motherfucking cop

does not sound good either.

So it's all just as well I suppose.

Country Singers You Are An Asshole If You Don't Like

Johny Cash
Willie Nelson
ok I can't think of any more right now
any of these people who don't like country music have to like these people anyway.

Starbucks

Circumstances forced me into a Starbucks yesterday, and while I was there I decided to buy the Dylan Live at the Gaslight 1962 album. Why Dylan chose to release this album at a Starbucks in the first place is a mystery: perhaps he is a sellout. But what is ironic is that in all likelihood Starbucks drove this little independent coffee place, or at least thousands like it, out of business. They are celebrating what they destroy. It is like Hitler selling books by Jewish writers at a concentration camp.

Starbucks cannot make a decent coffee.

Let me explain: the primary purpose of coffee is to wake you up in the morning and get you going. It needs a strong, rough taste and a smell to match.

Now standard Starbucks coffee does not smell like coffee. It doesn't have the smell to wake you up I mean. It's just some sort of gourmet coffee smell that does not pack power. And espresso has caffeine but not the kick in the smell and taste, and also it's not a full size cup of coffee.

Any morning I would greatly prefer whatever kind of coffee Steak 'n Egg has (the lion's head on the cover, I think it is called "Royal") to whatever bullshit Starbucks has regardless of cost or all-you-can drink status. That kind of coffee gits-r-done. Starbucks does not.

Yeah gourmet coffee has a role but it's not a good one. It's rarely worth the price and never worth going to for itself. When you get a decent price ($2.00) and combine it with a meal, such as at Pho 75, it crosses the barrier, but even if I lived right by Pho I would never go just for the coffee, good as it may be. And I wouldn't pay more than two for, except maybe a few cents more.

Tack on a few more bucks, dock the quality, take away the meal, and add an aggravating cookie-cutter half-assed attempted at "coffee-shop atmosphere" and you're way in the hole.

The only thing I can appreciate is the tongue-in-cheek name.

Soup

If there is one fact that everyone in the world knows without exception, it is this: soup is not a meal. Homeless people know this very well, that is why they are always asking to get money for a meal when they could get soup for free in a soup kitchen, because they would rather have a meal than some flavored water with things floating in it. IDEA: You know how they have dessert cocktails that are like vodka flavored with a bunch of dessert shit and something like cherries or hershey's kisses thrown in? Well what about dinner cocktails where they flavor it with chicken bullion and throw in like a piece of celery and maybe a matzah ball for these New Yorkers. They could line the edge with pepper from a pepper shaker and shit. IDEA OVER So homeless people know best: soup is no excuse for a meal. Now there are two exceptions, but one is clam chowder and although it's delicious I don't want to discuss it right now. Interesting story about clam chowder though: Manhattan Clam Chowder first appeared in New England but got the name because New Englanders hated New Yorkers and so decided to name the terribble chowder after them, or disliked the chowder and decided to name it after the terrible New Yorkers, whichever way you want to look at it. It is true, and recorded here

If you want to insult a cook say their clam chowder tastes like it was made from clam powder.

But... the point is not the chowder.

The point is that pho is delicious, and of course unmatched outside of 75. The thin slices of steak are great but the broth is what Pho 75 does better than anyone else. It is not an overpowering taste, but what it is is damn good.

Now there is this other kind of soup, which if you were an asshole you would call "faux pho", but I don't use words like "faux", and it is called udon. People had been talking about this and making huge deals about it, so I tried some that someone had gotten, and it was extremely unimpressive. The broth was not good.

East Infection

How fucking good is the NFC East?
Yon Redskins were undefeated until this week and the team that defeated them was Denver and they weren't even defeated soundly, the Broncos got pretty lucky. They didn't have that easy of a schedule, either, other than the Bears, and Brunell is throwing a lot better than he did when he had zero pass protection.

The Cowboys dominated Philly completely, which shows a) that the defense is coming together b) Drew Bledsoe is the Drew Bledsoe you remember from late elementary school, not late high school c) the Great State of Texas is superior to the Lame State of Pennsylvania. They are 3-2 but easily could have been 5-0. Of course they could also easily be 1-4. The point is the first four games were close, but all except the Niners were against Fo Surrious opponents and they dominated the best team in the NFC.

As long as the Eagles have the McNabb/Owens connection they will be formidable, and their defense has played generally very well. McNabb is one of the smartest quarterbacks in the league, despite claims that he is a negro, or more accurately, claims that black quarterbacks are stupid. Well is Jeff George black? No, he is white.
"Jeff George! Nobody has a better arm than Jeff George! But he has lost his job! The man has a better arm than anybody in football, and he cannot hold a job! Why? Why? Because he play stupid football! He does not TINK! He will trow to a man covered by tree defenders, and trow an interception!" - Albert Patty. Also Westbrook can git-r-done in various ways. Which defending conference champion is better this year? The one that didn't have half its key starters injured. Curtis will be happy when I say this, fuck Boston.

The Giants are the question mark team but they're gonna bring it against Dallas and we'll see what happens. Plaxico Burress, for those of you who don't know, is 6 foot 5. That is taller than Trevor, and he is faster and less awkward and more athletic and tougher and pretty much superior to Trevor in every way. So it is Petyon Manning's little brother throwing to Super Trevor and Tiki "The Torch" Barber can still run like the dickens, as they say. Yeah the defense is kind of questionable but it's not horrible and the offfense has the potential to outscore almost anyone.

Well so the NFC East is good enough to have four legitimate contenders, in fact four top twelve teams according to NFL.com's power poll, and no shit teams or losing teams.

What we have, my friends, is a return to the late 80s and early to mid 90s where the NFC East fucking dominated.

It is a very solid division.

T Shirt Design

"I am fairly ambivalent about New York."
See that will get them because they want to be loved or hated but they don't want nobody to give a fuck.

New York City Can Go Fuck Itself

I've never known a city pride that is so aggressive and dismissive of the rest of the country. I don't care how fucking good the city is, it's not good enough to deserve that kind of fucking attitude, and it's just gotten worse after September 11th. Just hope there's not another terrorist attack so New York can get an even greater sense of self-importance. Back when those towers went down, we should have said "We feel really bad for you, and this a tragedy and we're gonna help you out. But once that's done, you're still a bunch of douchebags, and don't forget it". That should have been the subheadline to all these feel-sorry for New York stories: "New Yorkers still arrogant assholes". That would have prevented them from thinking everyone was on their side.

I mean there's a way to be arrogant about where you're from without thinking it's the center of the world. Just go from the perspective that it's better. That I can accept. But don't think that everyone acknowledges your place. Part of a "fuck the rest of ya'll" attitude is that the rest of everyone doesn't like you. That is why I can do this and New York cannot. Fuck New York, man.

Like really it's a great city besides that. But the attitude is not to be tolerated, and makes me want to kill everyone here sometimes, with a plane if that's what it comes down to.

Today was a good day

Today was a good day. Dallas upset Philly (I was raised a Dallas fan so ya'll gon have to DEAL), Clemens (how can you not respect Clemens unless you are that bum Zuckerman) pulled some amazing shit to take down those high-falutin Braves, the Yankees of the NL, and the Ghostface show was fucking amazing.

The next two days I am gonna sort of have to grind through. I have a university writing draft, 2500 words, to bullshit before tomorrow noon, and a hardcore physics midterm (MIDTERM ABORTIONS!) Tuesday. But after that it is clear waters, clear like the failed product of crystal clear Pepsi.

Buffalo is really fucking far from New York city. Like really far. Why is that? Geography is fucked up, man, especially around New York. For one thing, Long Island is not all New York city, and not all of New York city is on that one long island Manhattan. Also, New Jersey is part of the Metro area. Further more, certain parts of it are really far away from other parts. Also there is a Westchester that is constantly mentioned, yet I never hear of an Eastchester of a Chester (just plain Chester would make sense because of West Virginia and Virginia). Also, there is a severe lack of legitimate cheap carry out restaurants right by this place I live. Ok, there's one, but only one. I have a strict definition of "right by" that extends like 6 blocks only. What we need is a fucking McDonalds or something, or a Chipotle or Popeye's or KFC. I mean a local good food place would be better but that's too much to ask for. All I want is a motherfucking McDonald's. And don't tell me "that's New York" because it isn't. Every other fucking place in New York there is a legitimate fast cheap food place, at least where I've been. Morningside Heights is in my book the most frustrating and stupid neighborhood in the world. Fuck Morningside Heights. Fuck it good. Why the fuck can't I live in Harlem or even just Tenleytown? Even Tenley has a fucking McDonald's, a Popeye's, a Chipotle, and let's not forget the best of all a MOTHERFUCKING STEAK N EGG. Now New York is the city that never sleeps? THEN WHY THE FUCK ISN'T THERE A RESTAURANT AROUND HERE THAT IS ACTUALLY open 24 hours? For serious, late night isn't gonna fucking cut it, is it that hard to get a fucking 24 hour place? Jesus, man. I miss Steak 'n Egg, and Mayfair, and Ben's Chili Bowl even though they didn't know me there, and driving cars, and the Washington Nationals even though I don't miss them as much as the others because I didn't know them as long, and walking places at night without other people being there, and OUR Metro . I mean yeah this city is good in ways but sometimes I just think fuck New York City, man. Shit is weird man, like people seem to drink a lot of beers but they don't sell 30s, and people are like "well a 20 dollar 18 pack is a good deal" well good for you if you think 60% of the product for 50% more is a good price. You wish you lived in DC you just don't know it.

Here is some commentary on college:
On college the cool thing is to not sleep, it is like straightedge where your activity is defined by what you don't do. People here "pull all-nighters", why this is so fucking cool I do not know because to me it seems like living hell, and if they mean they are pulling themselves all night, then doesn't that really drain them for the next few weeks if it's literally all night? I know that masturbating is fun but if you do nothing but masturbate for eight hours you will feel some negative effects I am sure. I have seriously slept about 11 hours average the last week or so, and all those hours were WITH YOUR MOM! Well maybe none of them but still, I could not imagine this sleeping so few hours. Here is why: it would suck.

Here is why you should not worry that much about grades and majors: will you have a job at age 35? Yes you will probably have a job at age 35. Whatever you do until then you should have fun with and shit will work itself out. Fuck networking, it is the most dehumanizing process imaginable. You know people because you meet them or because you like them, that is what you should do. There is no need to keep "striving for success", because what is success? Well damned if there's a good definition for it that isn't bullshit. Every form of success is in some way related to the fecal matter of, oh, not necessarily a male cow, but of some large male mammal, perhaps an elephant which is also known as a bull, for elephant shit is indeed bullshit if it is from a male elephant, and a bull elephant can fuck you up any day of the week except before noon on Sunday. The point of having any sort of skill at all is to avoid having to go through bullshit.

That being said I want to major in lieutenant, so as soon as I declare my major I can say with truth I am a lieutentant major. Except they do not have lieutentant majors in the US so I would have to be a sergeant major. It is still a good major.

Also what is the deal with getting laid in college? It is supposed to be easy, but apparently you still have to be attractive and/or outgoing and/or not awkward. I guess the same people who get laid at home do so more easily at college. Wow, that's fucking great news. The rich are getting richer. I mean that's what they probably told poor people about capitalism. "It's really easy to make money". They didn't mean for the poor folks though.

People in college also seem to love short catchy nicknames for shit. See, the difference between someone doing their university writing homework and then drinking before they go to a party and then kicking their roomate out to have sex in the room and someone doing their U-Dub homework and pre-gaming and sexiling their roomie is that I don't want to bludgeon the first person with the nearest blunt object until their mouth is too disfigured to say anything catchier than "Aarruuuuuughhhhh!!! Muuumuuummuuuddddderrrrffffffffuuckuckuckaaaaugggggh!!! ShshishichcihichchCHIT!"'

Fuck abbreviations man. I got time to say the full words. You do too, you just want to be so fucking cool you don't have time for your words. But maybe you have time to argue in their defense.

Also, the broth for this udon soup is pretty fucking lame.

What I think is that instead of "fuck this place" I mean I just don't like a lot of people sometimes. There's comfort in that when people don't like you. You can be like "yeah, well fuck you, I don't like you. I don't like people".

Dude, fuck people.

That is why I like the song Sam Hall (Cash's version) so much. The dude is an ornery fellow that is in a bad moment and he does exactly what I would do, he goes around damning everyone. "I hate you one and all" "I'll see you all in hell". My sentiments exactly. Not towards ya'll but towards my surroundings sometimes. And sometimes ya'll too, because sometimes it is literally everyone. Here are the wonderful, wonderful words to the song.

Well, my name it is Sam Hall, Sam Hall.
Yes, my name it is Sam Hall; it is Sam Hall.
My name it is Sam Hall and I hate you, one and all.
An' I hate you, one and all
Damn your eyes.

I killed a man, they said; so they said.
I killed a man, they said; so they said.
I killed a man, they said and I smashed in his head.
And I left him layin' dead,
Damn his eyes.

But a-swingin', I must go; I must go.
A-swingin', I must go; I must go.
A-swingin', I must go while you critters down below,
Yell up "Sam, I told you so."
Well, damn your eyes!

I saw Molly in the crowd; in the crowd.
I saw Molly in the crowd; in the crowd.
I saw Molly in the crowd and I hollered right out loud
"Hey there Molly, ain't you proud?
Damn your eyes."

Then the Sherriff, he came too; he came too.
Ah, yeah, the Sherriff, he came too; he came too.
The Sherriff, he come to and he said: "Sam, how are you?"
And I said: "Well, Sherriff, how are yooooou,
Damn your eyes."

My name is Samuel, Samuel.
My name is Samuel, Samuel.
My name is Samuel, and I'll see you all in hell.
And I'll see you all in hell,
Damn your eyes.

Plan

Here is a plan for how to get a free sandwich, in picture form:

First you take over the world.

Then you use your political power to build an army.

Hire two guys from this army to intimidate a major press company into publishing articles about how giving away free sandwiches is good.

Then someone will give away free sandwiches.

You use your intilligence agency to find out when the free sandwich is being given away.

Then you hire your army to kill everyone else in line.

And then you are first in line to get the free sandwich.

Work Percentage

There is a statistic I thought of called a work percentage, where you sit down and work and you see how much of your time in which you are working went toward advancing your goals in work, as opposed to eating or checking football scores and talking and writing on things like this and the AIM or thinking about other shit. Now every time you work, you can consider it an accomplishment if you raise your work percentage from the last time. This is a better way to look at it than how much you get done; if you think of it that way you will always fail. The way I think of it, I am gonna maybe get up to 50% by the end of this semester, even though I am at about 15% right now, and when I do that I will have so much free time it will be amazing.