Sumbitch!

Shit, ya'll

So Thanksgiving Break. Three quick days to do a bunch of shit or something.

Thanksgiving was the first holiday to openly celebrate peace with Injuns.
This is before Injun-killing became a national sport.
A lot of people think that injun is a bad word because it is a racial slur, but what is a slur anyway? So that is out. Actually it is a word that avoids confusion. "Indian" can refer to Native Americans or to people from India, so people can get confused as to which one you are talking about if you say "Indian". BUT if you say "injun" or "Indian not injun" confusion is avoided.
Andrew motherfucking Jackson. Best hero of our country ever.
Fucking slavery. There used to be fucking slavery here.
Far out.
Dude.

Is that not weird?
It is weird.
I am taking a class on slavery next semester.
Yugoslavery.

My mom had a copy of Martha Stewart Living. She better not start doing that shit.
If Martha Stewart gets terminally sick in the hospital, the headline for the article should be "Martha Stewart Dying".
They should do that in the magazine too.

Shit is there anyway to do some Jester on that?
I dunno man.
I gotta start on that Jester shit now.
Someone's gonna make this shit work. We got a fucking dream team of guest writers.
But everybody's Larry Bird.

Man, sometimes I have trouble talking to people or just don't feel like doing that.
Social awkwardness will be my downfall.
Better a downfall than an uprising.
Niggaz get killed
in an uprising.

Jesus Christ man, every fucking Dallas loss, except Oakland, they outplayed the other team pretty much the whole game, and lose on something stupid.
I mean shit, if Dallas had beat Seattle or Denver, which they should have.
Those are big wins.

I guess Warshington has had similar luck.
Tampa Bay and shit.
Yeah.
Oakland.
Norv Fucking Turner.
Motherfucking.
Norv Motherfucking Turner.

Bible workshop.
Bible salesman.
Best selling book in the world.
Gonna get it on that cash money.
Business sense.
You all took econ, you know the fancy term.
Not me.
I didn't take econ.
Never will.
It would piss me off.
Yes it's useful.
But I don't know what's good for me.
All I know is fucking bible sells.
Gonna write a prequel.
"Before God created the heaven and the earth, there was nothing"
The end.
Gonna write a sequel.
This one could be about the Holy Ghost.
Part one was about God.
Part two was about Jesus.
And who says in a religion with a trinity there shouldn't be three books.
Three motherfuckers.
Three books.

If a countertrinity of evil
Satan ever decided to muster
He'd spawn a human son to fight Jesus
And he'd hire a Holy Ghostbuster

The syntax could work two ways.
On Holy Ghostbuster, that is.
Holy modifies ghost.
Really he is a (Holy Ghost) Buster
But it looks better.
It looks better with Ghostbuster as one word.
Because of the hit comedy.
Starring BIlly Murray.

If you went to some dumbass.
You could call anything poetry.
But it's not.

Pie In Chronological Order Across the United States

What is the best pie? I was the first to answer this question, about a month ago on a non-broadcast radio station (the answer is the comments after Country Pie. This was one of the worst shows in most ways but definitely the best in accuracy of pie commentary):

I asked everybody who was on the internet what their favorite pie was:

Middletown, Connecticut: [19:52] LuasNehoc: sweet potatoe pie is really good
McLean, Virginia: [19:52] gfvaulthp: i like all pie but mince meat
Washington, DC Reporter 1[19:52] hteb09: maybe apple? blueberry?
Madison, Wisconsin: [19:52] JimmyBhardcore: apple
Madison, Wisconsin: [19:53] JimmyBhardcore: without a doubt
Washington, DC: [19:53] fizzcobiker69: the mathematical formula
Madison, Wisconsin: [19:53] J suave157: i'd say it's between apple and pumpkin
Cambridge, Massachusetts: [19:53] astrochicken0: probably apple is the best
McClean, Virginia: [19:53] gfvaulthp: blackberry might be the best
Madison, Wisconsin: [19:53] J suave157: maybe blueberry
Washington, DC: [19:54] fizzcobiker69: nah sike apple
Cambridge, Massachusetts: [19:54] astrochicken0: but i like blueberry a little more
Washington, DC:[19:54] fizzcobiker69: nah pumpkin
New York City, New York: [19:54] OldShizer: i mean pecan pie is pretty sweet
Washington, DC: [19:54] fizzcobiker69: nah actually pizza
Cambridge, Massachusetts: [19:54] astrochicken0: but definitely fruit pies are superior to non-fruit pies
New York City, New York: [19:55] OldShizer: but if you're going to get into idiom
New York City, New York: [19:55] OldShizer: maybethat POON
King's Point, New York: [20:02] nm4000: hmmm... cow
Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts [20:02] bipothemo: pumpkin
Hyde Park, New York: [20:02] cgate787: personally i like apple pie
Madison, Wisconsin:[20:03] Chicopac05: apple in my opinion
King's Point, New York: [20:03] nm4000: pumpkin or apple, can't decide
Winston-Salem, North Carolina: [20:04] turker202: puntang pie
King's Point, New York: [20:05] nm4000: apple with Ice Cream, pumpikin with whipped crea
Washington DC 1: (8:07 by phone) "Also Lemon Meringue is really good"
Well it all goes to show that only one person knows the right pies, which may explain the disaster that occured here on Thanksgiving.

They were giving away a Thanksgiving meal in our basement, with mashed potatoes, stuffing, sweet potatoes, gravy, and most importantly, turkey. For an added bonus, there were over twenty pies.

I grabbed my backpack, hoping to nab at least one pecan pie, and headed on down.

As people were going up the stairs, I looked at the pie slices they had in hand: pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, apple, apple, pumpkin, blueberry, pumpkin. This was cause for some concern, but I assumed perhaps the dumb fucks had simply chosen the wrong pie.

When I got downstairs, the situation was worse than I could imagine. Not only were the pies too well guarded to take more than a slice of, but there was no pecan pie.

Twenty motherfucking pies and they left out the best one.

I quickly proceeded to the only logical conclusion: that because pecan would never be left out in the south, it was the fault of the Northern nature of this city, and all its fucking Yanks. Not that the South is the promised land, but they know their pies, and up here, it was a sad day for pie.

Overheard on an Ann Arbor Radio Station

"Don't forget,at the Blue Martini, November 30th is the young professionals networking party"

Hey Ya'll?

Does anybody know, or more importantly have, the font that is on this this thing? DCo1? Now is the time to show your computer skills and knowledge.

Fuck Computers Man

It took me so fucking long to beat Shao Khan. I needed like all my Kontinues.

Why I was playing this game I don't know - it stole two hours of my time.

Jesus.

Fuck I gotta work now.

If someone calls you a noob, say "Yeah, I'm a noob...Noob Saibot" and then you will have reversed their insult because nobody would ever question the skills of Noob Saibot.

Of course the whole premise of "noob" is ridiculous anyway.

Killed with self confidence

I have basically since the age of six gotten more self-confidence and become a gradually more respectable but meaner person, and the trend has continued, soon I will be the most arrogant, meanest person anyone has ever seen. I'm 19 years old, how bad will it be when I'm 30? The bad part is that I don't really want to be my old self anymore even though the old self is a better person. The worse part is that I still don't have any self-confidence in some sense. The worst part is I'm still self-concious.

Really this all sounds bad said in this form but it's not like I'm a tormented character at all, I'm generally justa crazy person, but this I find generally to be true but just keep in mind that it looks deceptively dramatized like that.

Dude you know what is hilarious

What is a really funny joke is when two girls say they are married to each other on facebook because it is funny because they are two girls and because they are too young to be married and they are really just BEST FRIENDS it is so funny.

Destroy a Word

It has come to my attention that some people don't think that in the name of the fancy trendy women's fashion company "Juicy Couture" (Jew-see coo-tir) the name is pronounced as it looks. Furthermore, they believe that "cooter" refers neither to the vagina, as it clearly does, nor to the character from Dukes of Hazzard, the only other meaning of Cooter. No, they believe that it is in fact an application of some pretentious French word to describe the pretentious and perversely profitable business of making fancy fashionable clothes. Clearly, in a country such as America, such a word does not belong.

I hearby move to remove the word "couture" from all English dictionaries, for the following reasons:
It is a French word that has not been Americanized, and is thus not easily accessible to the non-traitor American.
It can be thrown into ordinary sentences to make people sound artificially sophisticated.
It is a term this horrible fashion industry enjoys - we should remove it to spite them.
Having a pretentious word feeds back into the pretension of the fashion industry, creating a nearly unstoppable pretension machine that will destroy our culture and turn millions of Americans into metrosexuals.
No article of clothing besides a solid pair of shoes or a jacket should cost more than 30 dollars.

Ok that last one wasn't really part of the argument against the word but it is true nonetheless.

Also how much more fun is it to say "check out that juicy cooter over there" or "those girls are going to get them some juicy cooter" or "how much do you got to pay for juicy cooter around here?" than to say "check out that juicy k-tooor (as dictionary.com says to pronounce it)" and then immediately realize how pretentious it sounded and begin choking, and either vomit, go unconcious, die, or hate yourself with such a passion that you explode?

Much more fun.

Soldiers, are you with me? No? Well then fuck you, I'm going to destroy this word myself.

The English language will be better off either with not even having a word for that crap or having a perjorative word in its place, one with extreme negative connotations, so that people hate the hateful entity that is the fashion business.

Mase Style Pseudopoetry

Is making fun of people
for doing things
that make them more successful than you
socially or financially
just denial
of some mental illness?

How do British People Talk To Each Other in Private?

Based on the names, shouldn't the "Best of" for any given artist necessarily have to better than that artist's "Greatest Hits"?

Ben Folds

That Ben Folds song Rockin the Suburbs is pretty much 100% accurate when he says:

i'm rocking the suburbs
i take the checks and face the facts
that some producer with computers
fixes all my shitty tracks

That makes it his best song, the fact that it is so accurate, and I can respect ol' Ben for admitting that, but his music is not good.

DC

I will be in DC this weekend? Will anyone else be there?

Dinosaur

Dinosaur, Jr
Dinosaur, Sr
Dinosaur Ripken, Jr
Dinosaur Ripken, Sr
Dinosaur Griffey, Jr
Dinosaur Griffey, Sr.
Dinosaur Junior
Dinosaur Tony
Dinosaur III
Dinosaur IV
Dinosaur Hershiser IV
Dinosaur Leonard Quinton Hershiser IV
Dinosaurus Rex
Dinosauron
Dinosaur Theme Park
Dinosaur Theme Park, Jr.
Dinosaur

Catholic Church And Rap Music

The Catholic Church is losing its popularity with the youth of today, on account of not connecting to them on a substantial level, which basically means it does not give them sex or alcohol or bad music or TV shows.

It is failing even more now because of the death of its very popular and universally respected leader, John Paul the II, which after the deaths of previously well-respected leaders such as Jesus around 33 AD and God around the middle of the 20th Century, was a blow that the church could barely take.

To revive its roots among the youth, the Catholic church should, instead of using the Bible, draw on popular figures to advance its goals.

The somewhat recently deceased ODB could be of great help in the campaign to prevent contraception, as his popular song, Shimmy Shimmy Ya, attests to the superiority of unprotected sex. Here is a sample poster:

The Invisible Hand

I started out with this crazy idea about this "invisible hand", that it corrects the market but by virtue of being so powerful and nearly unstoppable it has lots of unintended effects on our society and culture, and that when it effects these things it does not balance or maintain them but perhaps drives them in one direction and smashes them to bits. The analogy was going to be well developed and used for some reason. As I was writing it for some reason I mentioned selling out and classified its opposite to a sick religion of self-worship which apparently I embrace, and that bothered me, and to defend it, I accidentally wrote an angry letter to my University Writing instructor that is pretty much 1500 words of nonsensical shit. I didn't send the letter, I am enough of a sellout and more to the point self-concious about anything bad I write outside of some automatically non-important context like this blog or a class, but the point is that I am fucking crazy, and what is wrong with me, how did that happen and why am I not asleep at 5:52 AM?