Sumbitch!

Soup

Soup. What a lame fucking food. It's not a food, it's a drink. It's not a drink, it's a food. Which is it, soup? Make up your fucking mind. But you can't. Because you don't have a mind, you worthless pool of foodstuffs inside water. Hot ham water.
No, citizens, soup is not a food, it's a side dish. It's a food in the way side dishes are food. But like, the same way a vegetarian burrito bol at Chipotle is a bullshit order, the same way a salad is a bulllshit appetizer, soup, soup is a bullshit meal.
Now what manner of bullshit is soup? It is the classic: "Some ol'" bullshit. Yes, it's some ol' bullshit. Now, ramen is cheap as shit, and this is all good, and soup kitchens are like free, and we all are forced to make someting out of nothing sometimes. But like, Pho is good. Clam chowder is good. Pho is hard to talk about. Pho is, for one thing, a lot better than most "soup". I'd say all soup. I mean the really watery broth - that's part of it. All these other soups try to be the sit with you know, like everything mixed within. But the noodle soups, they don't try to pull no bullshit on you. The pho, now they put in the thin steak so that it becomes a meal. Or the meatballs, if you don't go for the steak. Or both if you order extra. I could go for some fucking Pho right now. But anyway, Pho don't pull no punches, and like Matzah ball soup, that's basically the same theory as Pho, except with bread steada noodles and meat, and not as good, but the same principle, you know. But we're not talking about Pho, we're talking about these soups, the ones that don't separate as much the broth from the stuff floating in the broth, the thicker soups, the bisques and shit. Not stew. This is not about you, stew. Stay out of it. This is not your fight.
But I do want to give a brief call-out to stew that is called chili - you're a fraud.
Look, soup's a snack and a side dish and I enjoy it. But today, today I had soup for a meal.
See, I'm sick right now. And so when I got food, I didn't just get soup, I got some fucking soup without any meat in it. Butternut squash soup. The good thing is that I got it from "the Nazi's" as I call it, and although Al Yeganeh or however you spell it doesn't like to be called a nazi and wasn't present, I can still hope that my money is somehow going to the murder of Jews.
Now this soup nazi, basically what he does is maximize the potential of any given soup. That is why it is Zagat rated "best soup" instead of Pho. Pho is better than what this Nazi puts out, but because the category is better. This Nazi will take any category of soup, from what I have tried so far, and completely max it out, bringing menu items to their greatest potential. Pretty much that Nazi can do it. But he still serves soup, so it's not really worth the money. I mean, it's not that I don't like soup, but I understand its motherfucking limitations. Some people don't.
Now, the mind does wander though, and sometimes it gets in conditions where certain foods are in the mind. You know how it is. That is why food variety is fucking essential. You know what certain foods will "hit the spot". This soup nazi will take advantage of it with his expansion chain whenever I feel like soup, but I warn you, A(do)l(f), that's not gonna happen very often.

What Exactly Does "Loser" Mean?

I am still not really aware of the exact meaning of the word loser, it is used in a perjorative sense but I don't see how if a loser is someone who fails at everything you can get mad at the loser, and how a loser is not a sympathetic character. So I don't know. On that note, the being for the underdog, or the failer (new word notable for the fact that it can easily confused with failure), is an interesting concept, because once the failer does well, then they have become a turncoat and switched sides, and sold out, as they have lost the quality that made you for them. I also think that people who continue to be for them to the same degree are those who are still, on sum, more successful, so that they can "afford" to be for them more so than the other failers who now think the old failer thinks they are better than them. Example: Cubs and Red Sox fans seemed to some extent to be for each other: once the Red Sox won, they became much less likeable.

Employment

To change the subject, anybody have an idea for how to get a job this summer that doesn't suck? What I mean is does anybody know of a real place, not a fucking summer camp or internship, that is hiring normal people for a normal job. I need some money and want to deal with a different kind of bullshit than I dealt with all of last summer.
I mean either that or an actual good job opening but that doesn't happen.
But like...
It seems like these jobs do exist, I'm just not aware of where, you know.
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JOINING THE WORK FORCE

Goddamnit

Goddamnit, Jesusfuckit, Maryshitit.
Gotdamn.
Shit.
Fuck.
Well smash me in the head with a crowbar. Kick me in the face with cleats.
Goddamnit.

I don't know what I'm mad at in particular, but it might be something.

You know.

Maybe not.

Fuck it.

I drew an angry picture:

Fucking cuntbitchwhoresluts.
Fucking pieces of shit and spawn of the earth.
Fuck it all.

I gotta get better at cursing.

Ghostbusters

I have always thought that there should be a porno movie called Ghostbusters about a bunch of rapist ghost that "bust" all over their unsuspecting victims. However, now I have decided to see if I can name other porno movies like this.

Rear Window: A woman walks around with a bunch of pants that are open in the back, providing a "rear window" for the public that allows them to not only see her ass at all times, and her vagina when she bends over, but also to have sex with her.

The Big Lebowski: In this alternate world, "Lebowski" means penis. It is about a giant anthropomorphic penis, and all its adventures.

Ghostbusters 2: Same as "Ghostbusters," but it is a sequel.

Doctor Strangelove; or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb: Obviously this is about a kinky doctor who enjoys inserting bombs into every possible orifice of his patients.

Gone Like the Wind: A hot Southern slut cooks various pies, while at the same time massaging her vagina. Then she has sex with people.

My Brain Is Made of Chemicals

The chemical nature of decisions means that willpower is just a way of you yourself wiring your brain so that it's less susceptible to things that change the chemical balances so that your decisions change - basically, if someone knows enough about how your brain works, they can make you do anything.

True?

If so, weird.

NOTE
Goldfarb, you are able to correctly identify ridiculous shit that I am embarassed to have written. However, this does not change the fact that you are a Jew of the highest degree (in terms of degrees like burns, not like murder charges - what I am saying is the highest degree is the worst), the most vile yid in the land, the worst kike ever to roam the streets of D.C. What I am saying is that you are right, but you are a Jew.

Possibility?

Is it possible that Brigham Young's descendents owned Vince Young's ancestors?
Look, I know it is useless speculation, but it would make Brigham Young simultaneously more evil in a bad way and more kickass in a badass way. As I have said before, the man had 52 career wives and his seed won the Super Bowl, but now the best Rose Bowl performance ever may be made by a descendent of his property.
It's weird to see how slavery plays out in surnames. The abundance of black people named Washington is a reminder of how George Washington was a slave-owning douchebag. I can understand Malcolm X's intentions, to get rid of that connection. On the other hand, I can also understand how Martin Luther King, Jr. kept his name: it was a kickass name, who doesn't want to be named King? B.B. X? Stephen X?
What if B.B. King changed his name, but to Q instead of X? Would BBQ be too silly of a name, or just badass/blues enough to work?
B.B. King is a great name though.

Kramer

I was thinking just now about how much I can identify with Kramer from Seinfeld on so many levels. The difference is that Kramer has more self-confidence. If I get more self-confidence I can be Kramer, and Kramer ends up with good results almost all the time. On the other hand self-confidence makes you an asshole. So should I be more like Kramer or less like Kramer? Who knows until a sitcom is written involving me as a character. I should change my name to Cosmo. What a great name.

Hook 'Em Horns

Texas Number One!

All ya'll doubters and haters should know that a bunch of silly surfing idiots from Southern California can't stop the Longhorns, as there ain't no ocean on the football field.

That was one of the best games I ever watched.

I don't care about none of any problems right now.

Hell yeah!

I knew I should have gone to Texas, as the experience of being there when they won far outweighs anything elsewhere anywhere, but I've never abandoned a team that didn't abandon me.

New Year's Eve

Yo check out my cool New Year's Eve pictures

The Sims

Remember that game, The Sims? Now think how good at accomplishing goals you could be if you could control yourself like you control those characters. If you are completely goal-oriented, you can do it. I can't.