Sumbitch!

Places I Like

I am going to do a review of places I like.

Robot Robotson Movie

A BRIEF NOTE ON DIET DR PEPPER
Diet Dr. Pepper at the first sip is a good diet drink in that it tastes remarkably similar (not that I would probably drink the diet drink anyway if it tasted the same but that is a different issue) but it betrays that horrible diet aftertaste a few sips in and then it just increases.

I found this out when I went up to a Coke machine, pressed the button for Coke to make sure it wasn't sold out, saw that it was not, put in a dollar ("un dolar") and then another dollar because it required more than a dollar for a 20 oz Coke (unreasonable) and the change slot wasn't working well (shoddy) and then put in another dollar ("un otra dolar"). Then when I pressed the button for coke it said it was sold out. So I had to settle for Diet Dr. Pepper (the demographics rarely intersect for Diet and the Doc, I'd expect, so why was it even in there - the lack of Dr. Pepper around here is a subject for an editorial).

More Like BORGO Night

There is a tradition at Columbia called "orgo night" where the marching band, according to descriptions "marches through Butler". Butler is a library/mortuary/study room where people who are very tense and pressured go to work because they're too good to work in their dorms.

Anyway, I went to see this event, because I liked the idea of people working very diligently and quietly being surprised by a fucking marching band walking by and playing music. I was going mainly for the reactions. I wondered why they advertised it so heavily though, as that would seem to ruin the fun of it.

Here's why: THEY DON'T MARCH THROUGH THE FUCKING PLACE AT ALL. THEY JUST STAY IN ONE PLACE. IT IS ONE LITTLE ROOM, WITH HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE THERE TO WATCH, AND FUCKING SECURITY GUARDS so that people who are working have plenty of warning. Yeah, they say some funny things, but they do not march through the fucking mortubrary like they're supposed to.

Orgo night: a truly boring experience.

On the other hand, look how you can use the "or" sound and the sound of the root of the word "boring" to emphasize how boring things are:

Rabbi: Son, to become a man, you must study the Torah.
Kid: More like the BORAH!
Rabbi: Oy gavult.

Spanish teacher: Hoy estudiamos el pais de Portugal.
Kid: [upside down exclamation point] Mas como BORTUGAL!
Spanish teacher:[upside down exclamation point] Hay que cosa!

Sex education teacher: Today, class, we're going to have an orgy.
Kid: More like a BORGY!
Sex education teacher: Well nut in my ovaries!

Chemistry teacher: And the fifth element is boron.
Kid: More like BORON!
Chemistry teacher: More like you're a fucking moron!
Kid: I'm telling my mommy!

You get the idea...

Correction: it should be portuguesa/bortuguesa if I remember correctly.
Recorrection: no, that's the language. I think.
Final correction: I tried to find out for real, but google translate won't translate. So fuck it. Whatever. I don't care. Dude, nevermind. It is or it isn't.

Just One of Those Classic "See Something On The Internet and Repost It" Weblog Posts Like From When The Internet Started

Most convincing protest ever.

Jamba Juice

Sopranos tonight reignited my hatred for Jamba Juice and coffee chains. I hate to give away too much about the plot but when after Tony sold the place I was more upset than I can remember having been from a movie or TV show in a very long time. The motherfucker sold out his Jamba Juice and not even for sex - for money. If he had had sex with her, I would be okay with it. But just for money, what a fucking sellout. I wish she had never called back with those Jamba Juice motherfuckers. But the episode was very good in terms of quality, just it was bad what happened. JAMBA JUICE WON! I hope that place gets blown up later on.

There's a fucking Jamba Juice moving into Columbia next year at one of the dining halls. It should be destroyed. But because lots of people take words too harshly, let's be clear on what I'm saying:

I'm not saying I wouldn't be happy if the Jamba Juice were burned to the ground. I am saying I would be happy if the Jamba Juice were burned to the ground.

"It's not a Jamba Juice, Michael. It can't be that hard to break into"

I have hated Jamba Juice for a long time. Here is the first time my hatred came into play

My first weekend in college this girl who's a vapid pseudo-intellectual theatrical person suggested to the people hanging out on our floor that we should go to do something in New York. Well since this in theory is a good idea, and because she was attractive and that was all I knew about her, I was thinking that this was a good idea. So where we ended up going was a motherfucking Jamba Juice in Times Square. I immediately became disillusioned with this girl (100%) Times Square (98%), this college (50%), this city (50%), and this world (50%). That is how much Jamba Juice can influence my feelings towards things. So as relates to the Sopranos, I now respect Tony a whole let less after selling out to Jamba Juice than I did when I thought he wasn't going to sell out. What a fucking bastard.

So this episode has inspired me: I'm gonna burn the motherfuckers down. Misguided as it may be, I wish I would actually do it. Every Jamba Juice, Starbucks, Cosi, even the smaller chains in the same spirit, each and every Ollie's, Greenberry's, Caribou Coffee, up in flames, down in ashes. I really wish it would happen. They say you can't stop market forces. Well if one of the market forces is every one one of these bullshit sanitized yuppie chains gets burned to the ground while other stores don't, then the market will dictate that you should build the stores that you don't have to constantly pay to rebuild.

Oh, they'll get the last laugh. But really it's not just me that loses, it's everything I believe in.