JRussell's BlogNO!!!!: Killing Time With a Time Machine

February 24, 2004

Killing Time With a Time Machine

Just quickly. I've found myself caught up in this whole John Titor back & forth that has been floating around the internet. Quite simply, this fellow John Titor who claims to be time traveler writes entries online leaving clues about the future. He apparently wanted to travel back to 1975 to obtain a computer (an IBM computer called a 5100) in order to stop some virus and save his father or something, that wasn't really the interesting part. He says that a Waco-esque event ignites a "civil" war in the United States in late 2004/2005 that lasts for ten years leading up to a world war where 3 Billion people are killed in 2015. He won't go in to detail because, as we've all seen in various movies and cartoons about time travel, the smallest change could alter history and he may turn into a goldfish or something absurd like that.

Hoax or not, I find myself wondering about this impending war and so on; it takes me back to my days as a loser 13 year-old attending Home Run Baseball Camp during the summer time. I remember I was in the classic young adolescent debate with Danny Guilfoyle, the old Pearl Jam vs. Nirvana debate. But I realized that that in the summer of 1999 was the day! If I had learned anything when my dad took me to see Terminator 2: Judgement Day in theaters at Union Station when I was five or six years old, it was that Cyberdyne Networks was going to fuck up and the world as we know it will be one big fireball on that day in July, maybe August in 1999. I still remember Sarah Connor screaming "If your not wearing 5 million SPF sunblock, you're going to have really bad fucking day!" at the shrink dude who resembles Sam Leslie's dad. Of course, there was no apocalypse in 1999, the terrible Terminator 3: the rise of the machines tried to cover that up, but the movie was terrible so I'll ignore their explanations. But I was seriously afraid the world was going to blow up back then, I remember wearing dirt stained nylon pants and too small batting gloves thinking about where the nearest swimming pool was so that I could jump in to the pool at the exact moment of the nuclear explosion because water beats fire and therefore I wouldn't be affected by the fireball that burns through little girls on swings. So I find myself pondering another impending apocalypse becauseI read it on the internet like ten minutes ago because Joey Dubeck giddily summarized to me during a false alarm fire drill six and a half hours ago.
We're all Back to the Future fans here, so I figured there should some response about all this time travel, impending doom, intricate internet hoax.

Go on read about John Titor.

Posted by jruss at February 24, 2004 08:48 PM

Comments

I am very much fucking scared by this whole thing. I mean, of course anything can happen, but he is very vauge, so it may be hard to decipher. YET, if these things are true, :

1. What would happen if the future changed? would he cease to exist a lá Marty in 1950 in Back to the Future when playing Earth Angel.

2. Because he did not go to the future, but the past, he has changed something about it. Yet, obviously, not too much to keep him from existing or from having us forget about him. BUT, this whole thing has to be a cycle of ifs and ifs. DAMN

Posted by: dcohen at February 24, 2004 09:36 PM

come to think of it, you'd be fucked in the pool too. Water would become contaminated, or boiled depeneding on the location of the blast.

You'd end up bald, but happy. and quite possibly living for a few decades, since that kid in that cartoon could after being in the Hiroshima blast.

Posted by: ma$e at February 24, 2004 11:02 PM

I like the short timeframe because we'll see soon.

The thing about the future/past is that, whenever someone goes back to the past, it should change them very slightly in the future, which would cause a smaller change when they'd go back to the past, which would cause a small change again in how the future was changed, etc. It's too complicated for me.

There's some scientific theories that say you can go back in time if you're also going away in space faster than light, which is interesting. So basically, you can go to someone else's past but not ours.

Posted by: _ at February 25, 2004 07:42 AM

Besides the fact that this John Titor time travel crap is so stupid to begin with and that wars don't just suddenly happen, there is direct evidence to show that this is bullshit. On a different website with more of Titor's pictures (http://www.anomalies.net/time_travel/john.html) there is a picture towards the bottom where Titor's time travel instructor is shining a handheld laser and the beam is being bent. You will need to turn up your minotor brightness to really get a good look at this. The explination is that the light is being bent because it is passing over a gravitational field essential to the vehicle's time travel capabilities. Any fucking gravitational field strong enough to bend light this much would kill the man holding the laser because he, along with everything else in the vecinity, would be sucked into the machine creating the field. But, I guess this forum of Jruss' eccentric rambling bullshit is no place for a scientific explination. So, go on thinking that maybe, just maybe, an appocalypse is coming you cheebah smokin hippies.

Posted by: CapsFanBen at February 25, 2004 01:33 PM

Queerben is the new Klaus.

Posted by: GRB at February 25, 2004 01:42 PM

What does that make Klaus?

Posted by: _ at February 25, 2004 03:36 PM

HEY...I'm no fucking kraut...I just like driving their cars

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Ben Storch lacks eloquence. Though I cannot speak to the veracity of John Titor's scientific claims, it is clear that the future society he describes would not be possible in the aftermath of a massive nuclear strike on the United States. Titor claims that when the dust settles America reverts to an agrarian society (his father made a living selling citrus fruits along a broad swath of the sunbelt). At the same time technological breakthroughs dependant on the existance of a healthy post-industrial economic infrastructure are made in a relatively short period of time (the time machine is developed and hydrogen automobiles take to the streets). Pardon my skepticism, but with a massive nuclear strike in 2015 followed by a conveniantly unspecified period of civil strife, I find it hard to believe the US is able to maintain a centralized government effective enough to move its capital to Omaha, much less take America back to its agrarian past.

None of this even touches on the issue of nuclear fallout. Pacific Islands used for nuclear tests in the 1950s remain unsuitable for crop growth due to the presence of radiation in the soil. Beyond this Titor makes other absurd and offensive predictions, like the development of racial harmony. It is far more likely that John Titor is a reactionary liberalist using the internet to push his agenda on small minds easily persuaded to sensation.

Posted by: Lukas Manneun at February 25, 2004 09:23 PM

Storch lacks eloquence, but at least he doesn't crash his car into trees and die when he's not even drunk.

Posted by: DHI at February 25, 2004 09:44 PM

Don't be scared, children. You can always mutate into a superhero!
-- this from Dan Whitener

Posted by: Dan Whitener at February 25, 2004 09:50 PM

You don't get superpowers from radiation. It's been tried before, with horrific results.

Doctor: Mayor West you have Lymphoma.
Mayor: Oh My.
Doctor: Probably from rolling around in that Toxic waste. What in God's name were you trying to prove?
Mayor: I was trying to gain super powers.
Doctor: Well that's just silly.
Mayor: Silly yes... Idiotic... yes.

Speaking of Wests, is Sam any relation to Mayor Adam? And if so, cool. And if not, it's probably to be expected because West is a common name. And also because the mayor lives in Rhode Island. And also because Sam is live in the real world and Adam is a fictional character in the cartoon world.

Anyway, as I was going to say, QueerBen's argument was a whole different style, as Klaus just proved.

Posted by: DHI at February 25, 2004 10:01 PM

DISCOE...HAHAHA...WHAT CLASS YOU HAVE!!!...FUCK ANNOYING SIDWELL CUNTS...if only they had started something at Tom's party early in the year...we would have destroyed them!

Posted by: CapsFanBen at February 25, 2004 10:06 PM

adam, no. kanye, yes.

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Posted by: sadddafdsafd at February 26, 2004 04:27 PM

"None of this even touches on the issue of nuclear fallout."

None of this even touches on the issue that the whole concept is bullshit

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Posted by: sw at February 26, 2004 06:54 PM

no that was robert. but yeah the first one was mine. this whole discussion is ridiculous. shh

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