So last year, I got "asked" to the prom to fill in for a friend after she and her boyfriend broke up like a week before the prom, so I was rockin' and filled in, went out for a fine dinner at Lebanese Taverna with four or five boheme girls who were too cool for the prom (Dahlgren had told me two of them were lesbians, and I never really did figure out which ones were lesbians, but it was a JRussell conversation starter, it got me an expresso at work over the summer, JRussell + 1!) and then partied with em in the May humidity at Eva's house, dangerously close to my house, where the closeness of summer left all the windows at my family's house open to hear all the kids openning and closing doors, speeding off to steak'n'egg or the the playground at lafeyette, but it was all cool I guess, cept for that Police scare. The night of the prom last year, May 30th, was also the night of Majority Rule's CD release show for their new album Emergency Numbers; Mannequin and the Chase opened. As Majority Rule does with every album release, admission to the show included a copy of the new album which didn't actually "drop" for another month and a half. I was really high on the scene that May, went to a bunch of crucial shows amidst a flurry of AP tests and intertwined play practices, so I really wanted to go the Majority Rule show, because well that was on my mind, the week before was the last pg.99 show, a real catharthic moment that solidified my faith in DC/VA/MD punk hardcore scene, the DIY scene in general, the crew I went to shows with, the whole routine of riding home on the subway alone covered in sweat grasping a record, it was almost all I thought about, I also thought about ethnic food and domestic poon. So I almost gave up the "prom date" last year for the Maj. Rule show, but didn't,m because I was so fucking flattered to get asked out, and a lot of people I talked said I would ya'know "gesssomedome", even Philosopher/ambigious homosexual religion alluded to me getting some poon, but I didn't, we passed out on seperate floors, I think she may have bedded some guy named Josh, but maybe not, either way he bought me mozzarella sticks. My May livejournal entries document the whole situation with on going sideline commentary from many of the Cocaine In Motion community. So I didn't actually go the prom last year, but I dressed up and went out to dinner and fled a house for fear of the police just like every other cliched high school prom party. But I was a junior, a shaggy-haired, slit-eyed, furry bellied, non-flame-tested, purple shirt wearing junior who doesn't look good in glasses or a baseball hats. Now I'm a rockFUCKgrandiosATAN Senior, class of '04 (enthusiasm?) who's still shaggy haired and slit eyed, furry bellied but now I'm FLAME TESTED, like a souvenir Frederick Keys baseball bat that's worth nothing. This year, I was going to be so "punk" I was going to sit in a bean bag chair naked listening to lungfish and exosus and document how awesome I am by drawing my body with a sharpee, once the marker fumes got to me, my suicide girl would play with me until sun rise over 32nd st. But that'll never happen (until college, I lie to myself to encourage breathing), so fuck it, maybe I'll go to the prom this year, yeah it's senior prom blah blah blah, I'll make a dress out of curtains, never go hungry again, strike oil and move to Los Angeles, do heroin, fuck a stripper, live on her wealth, die on the beach sedated. Yeah, I tell myself, I'll go, I'll rock the fuck out, I'll be a real Johnny Squid, no I'll be a real Iggy Pop covered in blood, topless with my chest cut up and broken glasses and bottles, blood clotting on my woft of respectable chest hair, fuck it, I'm gonna rock so hard, I'll be banned from Washington DC, home of not dancing. It'll be an EX-PROSE-ION!!, if you prose meant rocking the fuck out. Oh man, I can't wait to rock out, get primed on some Stones, Shakedowns, Stooges, Nation, Kinks, Bad Brains, Sheer Terror, Black Flag, Johnny Cash, just roll out the rep carpet of rocking out. Tom Vladek asks me for "vintage t-shirt", I have him a rocking real vintage 1979 [sic] OLLING STONES Tour shirt; motherfucker never wears it, but this would be an occasion whip out that shirt, muscles or lack thereof, belly over awesome belt buckle, shoes covered in mud, hands crusted in candy, rocking the fuck out.
Either all that or just look complacent "I'm too smart for this shit" - "I'm too white for this shit" - "I wish they had a real go-go band" - "I'll twiddle my thumbs til they play some old school soul, then ask a girl to dance, make it look like its ironic, like it will be kitschy, but seriously, all jokes aside, I hope that dance gets me in the zone" - "Have I had too many corn dogs?" - "I am so glad I didn't wear pleated pants, look at the dumbass in his pleated pants, all puffed in the ball room" - "There's no such thing as too many corn dogs, especially when yr as loneley as me" - "Man, these dockers from junior high are like a country motel . . . no ball room" - "Can I go to ESPN Zone yet?".
But this year, this Senior Prom year, a conflict arises, much like last year, I have a "date" but it doesn't really seem like the holdhandsingoldenreflectiveelevatorinhotelthrowherontobedfuckupexpensivepromdresslosevirginityrealfastasifitnevermatteredtobeginpretenedtoenjoychampagne, so there's not really the enthusiasm that some lucky suburban douchebag with that douchebag bleeched hair Eminem looks forward to, motherfuckers and they're baggy pants. So to put it simply, this year's prom looks to a be a lot of fun, not really the poon kind of fun, but like I always put in parantheses (story of my life). So the conflict yes the conflict. This year's Wilson Senior Prom, is May 28th at some nice hotel downtown, if I was to change trains at Gallery Place that night and go to U. St./Cardozo, I could have the pleasure of seeing Philosopher king/party enthusiast ANDREW WK with spazzy grindcore innovators THE LOCUST at the Pollstar awarding winning 9:30 club. So I'm going to cut to the chase: go to senior prom and rock out or go to ANDREW WK/Locust show and rock out. I need yr opinions because I don't think, well, logically. Sway my future. The only advice I've gotten was from Saul Cohen who told me "prom is prime poon season" as well as i mean, youj should go to prom . . but still that's a cool show". I need you guys' advice. Blah balh, fuck.
Posted by jruss at April 1, 2004 08:40 PMWell I'd say go for it, but then again I don't know much about getting poon. I do, however, know a lot about not getting poon, and it involved not going to proms. So go.
Posted by: DHI at April 1, 2004 11:29 PMwell put
Posted by: sw at April 2, 2004 12:13 AMlemme get that shirt
Posted by: fdsasda at April 2, 2004 11:43 AMI remember my only viewing of an episode of "Rich Girls" involved one of the "rich" girls going to her high school prom. She made it a goal to lose her virginity that night but on the limo ride home her drunk boyfriend had to get out and throw up all over the street whereupon she left him there due to bad breath and soiled tux......
Speaking on the behalf of all girls minus rich shallow ones, girls, like guys, have similar sexual goals. They don't spend hours shopping for the PERFECT dress/shoes/makeup/jewelry/bath soap and more hours getting nails/hair/legs/skin/eyebrows pretty and smooth to NOT get somewhere with a guy.
But also prom is fun, with or without the poon.
go prom
Posted by: dcohen at April 3, 2004 08:50 AMandrew wk is not cool enough of an artist to miss prom. your excuses are going to have to be better than that.
Posted by: vix at April 3, 2004 05:18 PM
my worst regret about prom night?
Only having one bottle of whiskey.
but really.
go to your fucking prom. it's worth while, or so they say.
don't end up jaded like me, and running out of shitty scenester shows because the Shakedowns play second.
fuck.
fucking bullet parade. Tell your popo to screen these bands, damn it. have him use drummer power.
but yes. the prom.
go. or, give your a liver a headstart on 'aging'.
Your not gonna find free buffalo wings and barbeque meatballs, bags of coins to participate in various jockular gaming, or enough simultaneously running television sets to sober you up and annoy the fuck out of you, all at an Andrew Wk show. I see it this way, when I wake up the next morning, I would probably remember the concert as one overall great experience, like an awesome constant buzz. But if I woke up the next morning after prom, I bet that there would be plenty of individual moments that would surpass anything you would feel at the concert, it might be a rollercoaster night but I'm hopin there are gonna be some memories, and of course theres always a possibility of scorin some hot poon.
Posted by: GRB at April 4, 2004 05:14 PMgbake you coming to mich?
Posted by: vix at April 5, 2004 12:37 AMhe better
we can have Shabbat together.... and PESACH!
JRussell, think about it, do you want to remember yourself as the guy who did not go to his prom, even when people want him to go, and he is being encouraged. Maybe this is a chance to just allow yourself to be swept up with everyone else.
And, what is the deal with the "not sleeping at your house on prom night," I am going to be in my bed for three more weeks, I am going to get all the sleeping there I can.....
Posted by: dcohen at April 5, 2004 01:21 AMGabe's made the best argument so far.
Fuck all of you, I haven't seen Andrew WK yet, you motherfuckers.
fuck all of you, I'm buying Andrew WK tickets.
Posted by: JRuss at April 6, 2004 11:14 AMman i dono thats a hard decision to make.... but if it has to do with getting poon, ive gotten action during shows (actually the locust played that show), but none at any prom. But, im sure you will have more memories from your prom than at the show. Thats my 2 cents....
Posted by: Sklover at April 6, 2004 05:08 PMhow unexpected. jruss plans to go to a terrible show over a date with a girl, something that will be quite rare in his hopefully short life.
Posted by: at April 7, 2004 01:10 PMwho dis? Jonny the Coward? Mandel the fuck up?
Posted by: JRuss at April 7, 2004 05:24 PM138.88.170.119
Get to work kids? Solve the mystery of the truth-bearing douche bag. I "need" to know before off myself.
Doesn't match Mandel's other posts, who else could have a smaller wang than Mandel forcing them to be a douchebag to poor poor pitiful me. Yeah, I'm going to prom, it'll be cool. Mandel, you got a date?
Posted by: JRuss at April 7, 2004 05:33 PMeven if isn't mandel, I'm not eating my words, fuck him, and fuck this new guy.
Posted by: JRuss at April 7, 2004 05:34 PMYou're right about being pitiful. You left out being gay though, which i guess you didnt need to write because we all already know. Seriously, leave your bag of Rohypnol at home. It's gonna take alot more than a date rape drug to get your date to hug you.
Posted by: New Guy at April 8, 2004 06:30 PMyou're a worthless sack of shit, child. If you're so fucking great shouldn't you have better things to do than spend your time manifesting your own insecurities in a manner to belittle me to your level. Do you want us to be equal? You want me to be a sack of shit? You want me to be your friend? Your gay friend?
I'd rather be lonely and fat, and eventually begrudgingly masturbate than be an anonymous, soulless fuck like you.
You can't make sense of the senseless.
Posted by: JRuss at April 8, 2004 07:16 PMHey new guy, fuck you. I don't know what you got against JRuss, or how you can hate him, but you've not done anything remotely amusing or interesting for your own part. You just take some cheap shots at JRuss and kick him at what he's already putting himself down for, and senselessly exxagerating it in a meanspirited way, but not even an amusingly meanspirited way where people laugh and feel bad, just the kind where people think "that guy's an asshole, fuck him".
Fuck you.
Posted by: DHI at April 8, 2004 11:16 PMhahhaha. i dunno this new guy makes some good ass points. is rohypnol the same thing as rufies or whatever? and jruss there are ppl with small penises than me:you
Posted by: Jon Mandel at April 9, 2004 10:49 AMMandel, you really have to look at things in perspective here: you're the one who comes to my blog, as well as many other kids livejournals and writes dumb shit that isn't sincere or funny, its just stupid. Like if it was funny, I would have no problem with it, if you could make me laugh, which I'm sure you could, I really dig insecure humor, and you seem like the type, than I would have no problem with yr bullshit on here, I might even anticipate it, but alas, you're not that funny. If you were going for the simple "JRuss = loser", I'd recommend the straight forward, honesty is frequently the best policy-policy. I'd admire some sincere testimony from girls and employers, college admissions officers. loan approvers, black people, telling me why I suck so much. Like a point by point review of why I'm a waste of life, trust me, I'm so down for it. And of all people to harness such a review, Mandel, yr my boy. You obviously can't seem to get me out of your head, you check my blog the way I check the livejournals of chicks I want to bang, you've got that drive that will make it happen. Now, go commissioner.
Posted by: JRuss at April 9, 2004 11:20 AMMandel, don't you mean smaller?
Also how do you know? Do you spend a large amount of time looking at JRussell's penis and comparing it to yours?
Posted by: DHI at April 9, 2004 12:08 PMJRuss, i just dont wanna see my name in ur comments anymore. u make fun of me as if i respect or like u but both of us know ur a piece of shit. if i knew u wouldnt say anything about me like u do on amandas journal(oh yeah its almost funny becuz she thinks ur a creepy guy)i would never speak to u in person or on ur live diary.
Posted by: Jon Mandel at April 9, 2004 03:52 PMto answer your question david:yes. but i know u dont want me to tell ppl what i noticed about ur penis when i was looking at it for a large amount of time(get that fixed, man!)
Posted by: Jon Mandel at April 9, 2004 03:54 PMCongratulations. That one was actually somewhat funny.
But you're still an asshole on these comments.
Don't call me david, you patronizing bastard.
Posted by: DHI at April 9, 2004 06:28 PMMandel, you don't 'have' to look at this shit.
We'd all be better off if you didn't comment the way you do. We all know that you are tougher than me and I'm the sissy writer, we're all square on that level. Jon Mandel plays basketball and wears glasses and stalks a handful of peoples' blogs & livejournals. Jon Mandel is the one to judge me, because Jon Mandel is a much better human than Josh Russell. I'm not going to block yr IP, because I know you'll look at this from somewhere else, but I do have the faith in you that you'll eventually grow up or crumble into something worse. If you're not going to listen to me, that's fine, I wouldn't expect you to, but please heed the wisdom of David Iscoe, the voice of reason.
Or we could cuss eachother out in public and slap eachother like girls. But I wouldn't want you to punch me, because you would surely destroy me.
Posted by: JRuss at April 10, 2004 06:48 PMfine. we will settle this like girls in the hallway. but also shut up about me being better than u. just becuz its true doesnt mean u have to keep repeating it. another thing, that whole pitty thing does not work. u can say shit like "im fat and a loser and no 1 likes me" but that doesnt justify u badmouthing other ppl at all. u think becuz if u insult urself its ok to insult other ppl.
Posted by: Jon Mandel at April 11, 2004 04:35 PMdo you go out of your way to spell shit poorly?
Posted by: JRuss at April 11, 2004 04:57 PMheres the plan:
jon mandel, write all your disparaging remarks down on a piece of that newfangled wheat-paper and then eat the paper. thus you will destroy whatever ill will you harbor. let jruss insult himself- it's a winning formula.
it's a simple plan, fellas: eat paper.
Posted by: sw at April 11, 2004 10:33 PMMandel, are you saying it's not ok to insult people?
I think you've done your fair share of that.
"jruss plans to go to a terrible show over a date with a girl. "
Here you are insulting the show. Pretty generic insult.
"something that will be quite rare"
This is a meanspirited kind of insult, it's a prediction that won't be true but is making fun of his past experiences in not getting many dates, something he often laments. There's no reason to attack him on this, it's a cheap shot, and then you're saying he won't get any action later on, which will probably not be the case because the dating scene changes a lot after high school (at least that's what I tell myself)
" in his hopefully short life."
You want him to die soon. Beautiful.
"You're right about being pitiful."
That's another pointless "kick-him-while-he's down shot"
" You left out being gay though, which i guess you didnt need to write because we all already know."
Yes, whenever you want to insult someone, you can just call them gay. That works. Yeah. There's not even a clever gay joke here. You're just coming up with a baseless allegation that he's a homosexual. Is this still 3rd grade?
" Seriously, leave your bag of Rohypnol at home. "
This one is pretty intellectual, you have used the name of a particular drug. This another random insult with no base.
"It's gonna take alot more than a date rape drug to get your date to hug you."
Yeah, same genre.
"and jruss there are ppl with small penises than me:you"
My guess is it's the same thing, unless you actually were staring at his penis. If you have no idea, it is slightly more likely that you were wrong:
""We measured their height and found that penis size was related to shoe size - but only insofar as it related to the general size of the man," explains Bain. Although the statistical relationship was weak, it was there, and taller men tend to have larger appendages of all sorts, including the penis." -according to a study.
I like the use of non-traditional english in "small penises than me"
Mandel, I don't even dislike you, but your presence on this blog is the presence of a bitch. It's no good.
--------------------
He must go out of his way to do it, because "pitty" takes MORE time to type than "pity".
------------------
Eat paper, eh? Sounds like a plan.... a good plan.
lolfest dudes
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