Somehow I managed to resolve to myself that I'll stop being an asshole to people. I don't how this how occurred or any of the context around any of the concept, but I sit here commanded while my hears are sanded off by the sounds of Isis thinking to myself "Wait, didn't I say I was going to stop being an asshole to people?", because there's a a glimpse of that notion in this mind here here, so it had to have happened somehow. Thisn't like a piece of chicken caught in between an adult tooth and a baby tooth that never grew where I can say, Ah yes! That piece of chicken fat was from the chicken strip I got at the Safeway deli counter and never paid for; I don't know why the fuck I would ever make one of those shitty internal deals with myself so that I wouldn't be an asshole. Of course I shouldn't be an asshole, but there's plenty of things I shouldn't be doing, but that doesn't seem to phase me. This is really fucking with me now. Why whould I want to stop being an asshole to people? I guess its one of those deals that everyone makes in some situation or another. Looking at the scale and the belly, yr bound to say "Alright no more fucking donuts, Slurpees? I and I need some time apart, just til I get better, here Slurpee, light a candle in the window every night til I get home" or like proverbial drunk is bound to wake up looking like shit having not endured 'real' sleep and says "I'll never drink again", there's dozens of ska songs on the topic. So maybe I offended someone I care about with a classic JRussell, thoughtless, profane slap of "well, its fucking true" or something, but I couldn't put a finger on it. Maybe I was being an asshole to some of the dipshit loser-'regulars' at the store, who are fairly worthless to society and no matter how much I belittle they'll still come back to a used record store EVERY FUCKING SATURDAY because it fits in to their invalid fucker routine of:
- Go to Best Buy because the used record store isn't open.
- Buy something cheap, probably something impulsive to account for loitering in Best Buy, smelling bad, having a stupid fucking earring and beard thing
- Come to used record store, talk to employees on first name basis, look for DVDs that cost less than $5, have decent employee take the shitty DVD's out of the case,
- Only occasionally purchase mentioned DVD's
- Find a legitimate DVD, get excited at the sight of its title
- Tell employee "Ah, my mom has this on VHS, I want her to have it on VHS"
- not get it when employee mutters "I couldn't give a fuck"
- Scratch horrendus goatee-mustache-beard-gopher looking thing on face
- Leave used record store
- go to Asian spa down by Steak'n'egg
- use the code word that old black Harold told you to get "happy ending" during massage
- Triumphantly stride up Wisconsin Avenue, fat worthless fuck
- sit outside Angelico's sipping post-coital/prostutition can of Coke.
- Return to used record store
- not get it when employees ask "Yr back, again?" (Note. these loser regulars aren't foxy DC-area girls who I'd be delighted to have return to the store several times a day, the girls who sprawl in front in front of the Punk/Ska section, just lie in on the dirty ass carpet looking through the liner notes of budget punk comps, exposing some amazing undergarments (on purpose?), they, they can come back as many times as they want)
Fucking loser regulars.
Yeah, I got their fucking numbers, team worthless asshead twits.
Why would I want stop being an asshole?
I make jokes about about blind guys in hooters, about a timid young teacher from Maine with a well-defined jaw, and mention how New Jersey is Manhattan's waste basket completed with obscene language and crude gestures, and that's probably the only thing keeping me from failing AP Government. Some would call it a Gentleman's D.
That's right. Me. A gentlemen. Let me hold the door for you. Pass the butter, cocksucker. Well my olive oil binge is over, I'm no wop, I love me some melted butter. On bread, on pasta, on a potato, hell melted butter on steak would be the shit. (I'd like to ITERATE! that I'm not a butter fiend or anything, its exaggeration like much of this shit, so feel free to hug me without hesitation you smooth skinned children).
A Gentleman.
JRussell is a gentle man. Not a gentle giant. That implies much more heroic bullshit like selflessness and loin cloths.
but yes. A gentleman. I don't find myself passive at all. Someone, somefucker said I was too passive and that was the reason for all of the many failures in my life. My dad, the infamous and outspoken Dick Hickok (who is now a reader of this blog, more on that later) frequently tells to "get on the stick", if I wasn't passive, I don't know why he'd say that.
A fucking gentlemen.
Here. put my shitty United Airlines hoodie with the Crestfallen pin I got a Black Cat from Tim of Crestfallen and the vintage Joy Division pin I stole from dads, put that hoodie in the mud so you can walk to 7-11 without getting yr Pumas or whatever muddy. You don't know i. We never met. But a gentlemen. This is going on too long. This is a dead horse, being beaten (alive).
My parents just got back from the Junior High School auction. They got my sister the "Assistant Principal for a Day" thing, I never got that kind of shit when I was in junior high. When I was in junior high I had to pretend to be suicidal as to guilt trip my mom in to letting me go to HFStival so I could Rage Against the Machine and look at boobs and pay $25 for a t-shirt. Dude, if I had been Assistant Principal for a day, I would have gotten so much poon and then I wouldn't have been an asshole and been confused about a resolution to not be an asshole, right?
Shut the fuck up, you overprivelaged, gimmicky, sack of bulemic waste, fucking cellphone having hairgreasing, arm masturbating, fucking collar up imposition, white LAX pussy credit card varsity jack off, SUV crashing smirnoff ice pounding,TRL watching, fucking motherfucking wearing those shitty fag-ass socks that don't go above the shoes, birkenstock hippie yeast infection wigger lifeless fuck. Delusional fucker shot 87 times by Cupid until yr face is mush for yr fucking northface, a closed casket for a funeral will go to anyway, wasted life fuck, sticks of life shitmotherfucker. I'm the fucking gentlemen, wuss.
yeah.
Who's got no soul?
Posted by jruss at May 1, 2004 10:44 PM
This is one of those ones where you gotta read it a lot to get it.
"sticks of life" sounds like "sticks of butter"
Have you ever seen someone eat an entire stick of butter?
If I was really hungry I might eat a lot of pure butter, maybe even one of those big tubs of the spreadable kind, eat it like ice cream.
Posted by: DHI at May 2, 2004 01:45 PMThat was intense.
Posted by: Lindsay at May 2, 2004 02:13 PM
feels good to see a return to normalcy.
bucky haight is meeting up in 11 days. we're having practice in case I don't go to Madrid.
If I do go, we practice to beat the handicapped. and we'll need to rebuild evil Lichman.
but yeah. what's that code word man?
is it 'Kim-chee!'?
the breast thing? It was some word equivalent to to quench (as in thirst) which made it appropriate for you yr drinking habits. I can't remember the word though.
Posted by: JRuss at May 2, 2004 02:48 PMKim-chee is damn good.
Posted by: DHI at May 2, 2004 03:02 PMthat man child will would walk his paths even if the streets were laden with land mines
Posted by: sw at May 2, 2004 09:50 PMme what?
Posted by: JRuss at May 3, 2004 09:25 AMi meant brian
Posted by: sw at May 3, 2004 08:39 PMremember, Josh. hate keeps a man alive. hate for terrorism, communism, appeasementism, that-socialist-pamphlet-hander-outer who stalks passersby passingby the Tenley metro. we all have to hate something, or someone. it's programmed into us, by indifferent nature, to hate. and if we don't manifest that hatred externally, it'll just become reflected internally into pernicious self-hate.
Posted by: dizardo at May 3, 2004 11:58 PMi disagree senor dizardo. i dont hate anybody. granted i have my occasional outburts, but i think a few lost lives are worth my general happiness. so everytime you feel hate rising within you, i recommend pushing it down down down. into a little ball in your groin and expect the occasional ejaculation in the form of a killing spree or two.
Posted by: bilbo baggins at May 4, 2004 06:48 PMi like your proposal, bilbo. probably save on lawyer fees.
Posted by: dizardo at May 4, 2004 07:57 PMhis name is jeff, and he's pretty fucking annoying
Posted by: safdas at May 4, 2004 10:17 PMJeff? Yes, he is annoying.
Posted by: DHI at May 6, 2004 12:30 AMAnd by which I mean I do not know this Jeff. It is two separate statements
"His name is JEFF, eh?" "Whoever he is, YES, HE IS ANNOYING." But it was shorter due to lack of time.
Posted by: DHI at May 6, 2004 10:43 AMdude, i feel you on that "things i hate about my job" list
Posted by: alo at May 7, 2004 08:59 AMain't nothing wrong with Jeff you fuckers. He's a just a visionary without a decent outlet for revolution. Plus he supports Players.
Posted by: Jruss at May 13, 2004 08:31 PMI dunno about this "Jeff" but if he is bilbo then that's why never mind the whole thing, as I said I don't know this "Jeff"
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