Its raining real hard in Richmond right now. There’s been a thunderstorm going on for like five hours now and the rain is thick. Its thick rain, coming down in sheets, fluttering and rippling down. Rain splashes up from the ground, moisturizing my fine cotton socks, making for a very uncomfortable foot situation. I wish could change in to some dry socks, but I don’t have any more clean ones. Dry dirty socks or moist almost clean socks? Barefoot it is! I normally would have trekked to the Dining Center (popularly slurred into “the Dinosaur”) after the Simpsons, which only comes on once a day here; Channel Five at 6. But its raining really fucking hard today. I want to check my mailbox, see if my Wachovia ATM card arrived so I can finally withdraw some cash and buy toilet paper, a new towel, one of those shaggy things you put on the bathroom floor so you don’t leak and make the floor slippery after a shower, some Hot Pockets, the first Velvet Underground record, a slurpee, a cheese steak with a side order of steak fries, maybe a new pair of shoes. Ha, but I’m no consumer, no. I’m not a lonely homesick college freshmen getting my kicks though comfort spending and eating. I get my kicks Johnny Cash circa 1966-style, through my addiction to painkillers and shooting women. Since I can’t go any where, because of the rain, this harsh fucking rain, I’ll stay in, pop some hydrocodone and watch ‘Return of the Jedi’. Poodoo. That motherfucker is right. Translated to ‘poodoo’. That Sam West deserves to be at Columbia, sharp boy, sharp well-dressed boy.
Enough is the rain, I’m not letting no precipitation stop me from eating and involving myself in America’s relatively low cost postal system. Hell no. I’m going to wear my United Airlines hoodie and use that hood for once. I wrote a letter to (New Cadet) Will Dwyer
and I’m going to mail the shitfucking letter tonight. Partially because I dated the letter late August and its almost September. I may be a full time coward, slob, loser, bigot, sheriff, hatemonger, civil servant, Robert Smith enthusiast, but a liar is one thing I'm only part time, so I will mail that letter, no matter how wet my hair gets.
“THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HAS ISSUED A FLOOD WARNING UNTIL 7:07AM EDT
Issue Time: 7:15PM EDT, Monday Aug 30, 2004
Valid Until: 7:07AM EDT, Tuesday Aug 31, 2004”
So I stop ‘Jedi’ right at one of the most memorable moments; when the Ewoks recognize C3P0 as “some sort of deity” and prepare to venture outdoors into . . . . . . . . . the rain.
“Spotter Reports Indicate 10 To 14 Inches Of Rain Have Occurred From The City Of Richmond Into Portions Of King William County...”
Journeying through that rain was uneventful. Yeah I got a little wet, slipped on the steps, not too bad. Nothing worth writing about. There were some girls outside in the rain with umbrellas smoking cigarettes, which made me wonder if a fire alarm when off during heavy rain/tropical storm if people would actually go outside or just think that the rain would put out whatever fire so they’ll just hang out inside, I had created a much more in depth line of thinking, but that’s from when I was lying on the floor eating Cheddar and Sour Cream Lays. Ah, the chips. That’s the fun part. Since I don’t want to walk in this thick, gurthful rain to cafeteria (I mean Dining Center, it’s a faux pas to say cafeteria in college, its also not wise to words that sound French here in the South, I got punched in shoulder because I said ‘sobriquet’ and I was just agreeing with the motherfucker), so what are options? Ramen: talk about clichéd, although often delicious, it was cute in from 8th grade through 12th grade in my “I’ll act and look like a junkie derelict type” phase, but college, nah, if lots of kids are doing, I’m too cool for it, right? What else? Chicken and rice soup: reminds me of my slave days. Do you remember the days of slavery? Well what? Should I take from my roommates stash of Twinkies? Too many Twinkies aren’t good, we all know this. I remember learning the concept from Die Hard 2:Die Harder, with the black dad from Family Matter (who is different from the black dad on Fresh Prince of Bel Air) eating lots and lots of Twinkies throughout the movie. In one scene he stops at a convenience store knowing it will be a long night what with one of those Die Hards on the loose in an airport no less, and the clerk, presumably of an Indo-‘AZN’ background, gives him a funny look, and he responds “My wife is pregnant” or something, but he eats all the Twinkies himself. It was a learning experience. What did I learn? I don’t know. I just skimmed what I was writing, lack of attention to detail, story of my life.
A FLASH FLOOD WARNING CONTINUES UNTIL 10:00PM EDT
Boys don't cry.
“You’d think a handsome trucker like myself would be fucking a storm from coast-to-coast right?”
Some girl with lots of tattoos and a 1950’s haircut told me I had nice chops. I think she was a lesbian.
Since I can’t get to the dining metropolis, I did the next best thing. I bought a shitload of chips and candy from the vending machine. I got Reese’s Pieces, Chocolate M&M’s, Peanut M&M’s, crispy Cheeto’s, Cheddar & Sour Cream Lay’s, and some Nacho Cheesier Doritos. That’s my dinner. Oh its so college. Why are you wearing that dumb shirt? Its laundry day! Tell me about it! Rush – rush where?
“I’m in a sorority and I am NOT a bitch”
“Oh, so you swallow?”
“This Is A Dangerous Situation. If You Encounter Water Over Roads... Turn Around Don't Drown!!! Find An Alternate Route... Or Delay Your Trip Until The Heavy Rainfall Ends.”
Move it and hold it and shake what you got because when stuff is hot you’ve got to grip it up.
I was hoping this would be some massive historical flood, but it doesn’t look like its going to be. I think North Carolina got it worse. Either way, I had a great time, lying on floor eating chips listening to Watazumido-Shuso’s “The Mysterious Sounds of the Japanese Bamboo Flute”. It’s a fantastic record feating awesome jams ‘Ukigumo’, ‘Musashi No Shirabe”, and ‘Dai-Bosatu”. Each track has a short explanation and length of the bamboo flute used, ranging from the 61 cm traditional Hotchiku piece used in “Akebono-Jishi” to the 98 cm flute used in “Shi-Getsu”. Let’s put this thing in full gear. If its actually stopped raining, I can go get a hot meal from the Dinosaur, that’s what I’m talking I about, that’s what I’m talking about. Yup, trying to scratch my sack with cheeto dust on my fingers. Damnit. Sleep on it.
another well written post; first act was better.
the stubby tangents are great.
Posted by: dcohen at August 30, 2004 10:15 PMThis is more polished, clean, collegiate JRussell. Still great writing, not quite as amusingly crazy as previous endeavours.
I always wanted to see a big flood such that I could string together flotable items from my house and launch a raft from my attic window, except said flood would short-circuit my computer and destroy porn collections.
You should put your writing in some sort of collection stored electronically to maybe publish in the future to document your teen years. Somewhere where it's backed up and you can access it from any computer.
Posted by: DHI at August 31, 2004 12:40 AMYou're the only person who could ever pull off using gurthful to describe rain. I love it.
Posted by: Alo at August 31, 2004 11:08 AMJRussell is VANQUISHED!!!
For I have prevented him from ever writing again.
Posted by: DHI at August 31, 2004 03:28 PMAnd so castles, made of sand, slips into the sea, eventually
Posted by: Jabberwocky at September 2, 2004 01:49 AMshut the fuck up.
Posted by: JRuss at September 2, 2004 11:42 AMOh, I'll shut the fuck up.
Posted by: DHI at September 2, 2004 06:35 PMsodoe shtis mean when you finally start enjoying yourself the quality of your posts will go down?
Posted by: vix at September 3, 2004 02:04 AMDo I look like I'm enjoying myself, tramp?
Posted by: JRuss at September 3, 2004 09:18 AMyou let ma$e post on your blog, jruss?
Posted by: sfadfads at September 3, 2004 09:30 PMJruss is like me, hate filled
Posted by: dcohen at September 6, 2004 01:29 AMonly I don't have herpes.
Posted by: JRuss at September 6, 2004 01:59 PMYeah, for all your non-risky behavior, you're the one who gets herpes.
Just goes to show: smoke crack all you want but avoid small women.
Posted by: DHI at September 6, 2004 05:33 PMHey, I have hate too. Fucking college. You can't do anything, because you know you just look like an asshole college kid.
Posted by: Cortez at September 8, 2004 05:29 PMBut a great post nonetheless, the likes of which we have not seen since the last one, and before that, not for a while.
Posted by: Cortez at September 8, 2004 05:29 PMThat's a really true point Curtis, about, looking like a dumbass college asshole. I can't stand that.
Posted by: JRuss at September 8, 2004 06:49 PMMike Furir Mike 861
Posted by: Mike Furir 997 at March 27, 2006 05:20 PMMike Furir Mike 811
Posted by: Mike Furir 229 at March 27, 2006 05:20 PMKansst du mir ein Speisekarte http://blietzkrieg.net/ zeigen ?xx
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