November 21, 2004
Our Gun Tit
Last night, the G-Unit Tour was in Richmond. Last night G-Unit was a block away from my dorm. Between me and G-Unit were some cotton candy vendors, three ambulances, some kids playing buckets, a scattering of police in unmarked cars, and a shitload of kids waiting in a two-block line to see G-Unit. No joke, people were shot last night at the G-Unit show. The show was at Richmond’s Landmark Theater, which was the converted mosque that Will Dizard(o) spoke of in his description of a lengthy night in down in the capital of the confederacy.
“Yo, you going to the G-Unit show?” was the overplayed, tongue-in-cheek slogan of every stubble-bound HILLARIOUS WHITE COLLEGE STUDENT that evening, and I’ll tell, it never got old. And of course, there is nothing funnier than violence at large public events. This takes me back to the Del show at 9:30 Club, where some GW student was like hitting on Janet and talking about go-go’s and how safe they were, which as we learned at Wilson, is not necessarily a true statement. Like, having never gone to a “real” go-go, I couldn’t tell you one way or the other, but I do know kids that have been shot, and kids who have died in the course on a long evening at the go-go, a “real” go-go as opposed to a fine, safe for the whole family throwdown on Constitution Avenue that everyone should check out. So this GW fucker was telling me that “No, that’s an exaggeration, go-go’s are safe. I saw Chuck Brown once” he said. I’ve seen Chuck Brown, and that man is a musician and a local hero, but that isn’t an example of a contemporary go-go. I told him about kids at Wilson, and the sincere warnings of the navy blazer security force “Whiteboy, if you go, you will most definitely get hurt.” Somehow we managed to avoid that dumbass GW student for the rest of the night, but there’s something about suburban white kids that don’t realize what’s going on; in the end I still heard lots of jokes about how fucking hilarious it would be if they saw 50 Cent shoot somebody, other kids just wanted to get high with the rappers.
Next point of business, I was incredibly disappointed with G-Unit bus; was it covered in diamonds? No. Were there chain gun turrets and spent shells everywhere? No. Were there stripper cages? None visible. How ‘bout spinning rims? No, not single spinning rim on that bus. But there was a large TV visible and one that satellite hemispheres on top the bus. The bus wasn’t guarded by large intimidating black men in bright colored suits, just a bunch of Richmond police in flak jackets, but there were at least 15-20 cops out back by the bus. Some of them must have been off-duty cops getting the ole’ double pay to hang out behind the gangsta rapper’s bus in case any enemy tries to lay a hit on the boy.
If you listen to 50 Cent’s album ‘Get Rich or Die Tryin’, it certainly seems like the fucker has people somewhat constantly trying to murder him, or more appropriately, many men wish death ‘pon him. So either he really is a former coke dealer with extensive crime history, or he has created great fucking folklore, so much to the point that this show of police force solidifies how strong this tall tale is. I’m not saying a doubt that people are constantly trying to kill him, but I’d really admire the fuckers if this were all staged, it would be an intense 24-hour spin. It isn’t that honest, but there are people in this world whose whole job is to spin these events and create these stories and everyone buys in; these people are really good at what they do. Like, part of the G-Unit experience is having these cops and ambulances outside the show, right? Its like drinking cheap beer and seeing ugly tits at Capital Centre parking lot in the early 80’s, like is murder the tailgate party you expect at a large arena show. Of course not, that’s absurd. Because there was plenty of non-murder related life outside the G-Unit show. There was cotton candy and a large cardboard cutout of the movie Scarface that you and your friends could take a picture in front of and kids rockin’ the buckets, like 8-year-old kids, kicking ass on the buckets. And kids dressed up, they weren’t wearing medieval gauntlets or waving tapestries that were dyed in a sink at a Hardees in Ashland, no, this is future baby, and everything is fucking shiny. It’s time for us to rise up and wear our wealth around our necks. Man, gold chains, big pendants, huge glittering belt buckles, and the nicest fucking automotive rims you’ll see in Richmond all year. Shit, if I had several hundred dollars worth of gold (or something looks like several hundred dollars worth of gold) around my neck, I’d certainly show it off, hell, I’d walk around holding it out so that everyone sees this shininess, sure its dark out, but I’ll it to you. I love shit, I don’t do it, but it makes my night. Like I like seeing colorful, punked out 14 year olds from the Virginia suburbs come to the 9:30 Club and act like total assholes when some shitty pop-punk band opens for the Pietasters or the Bosstones, just as long as they don’t pogo into me and I spill my Nachos of Ulysses, then those bitches are toast. I remember being a 15 year old rudeboy, I loved that was two-tone, of fuckin’ A. Pick it up, pick it up. Come Wi Goh Dung Deh. Yeah man, youthful enthusiasm is great. I see a college kid decked out in large plaid blazer with poorly affixed, poorly screened NOFX patches, and I think to myself “Grow the fuck up”, but I guess in five years he’ll be a strung out bearded piece of shit just like me, and I figure I can sell this dumbass all my old Scofflaw, Skavovee, and Skunks CD’s. I think I’ll keep the Skunks albums, just for the memory of a more sober Eric “poop” Morgan.
But back to 50 Cent and G-unit. The music is mediocre, but has entertaining amount of almost cartoon gunshots, but there are some moments where the fellow seems sincere about, well, not wanting to die. Surprisingly, a handful of your girlpants-wearing, youth medium size t-shirt, screamo kids dig the 50 Cent, but these days you can’t tell what the fuckers are being ironic about anymore. But the veil of the story is well played out, when 50 Cent was in DC, apparently he was at one of the big gyms down in the old Dupont Circle, and the story goes that him and his entourage, just jetted out of there real fast at some spontaneous moment because apparently some nemesis was in the gym. Like if this was all fabricated, holy shit, what a tale. Like this could be a new fairy tale in four hundred years, people could tell their kids about 50 Cent (motherfucker) and translate that verse like is Beowulf (motherfucker).
I feel like I’ve contradicted myself here, talking about how violence at go-go’s is a serious issue and talking about that GW out-of-towner being a sissy bitch whatever I called that goatee motherfucker, and in my last entry I tried (and failed) at expressing the nervous giddiness of watching a huge drunken brawl with straightedge crew violence. Which is just another culture that has gangs and stupid violence and it all comes from fuckers who don’t think for themselves. I won’t deny I was entertained by watching this tough old school hardcore fucker from DC give a boot to the head of a redneck who was making fun, hell I’ve been listening to ‘Give ‘em the Boot’ comps since 9th grade, finally got to see someone give ‘em the boot.
So in the end, last night I didn’t actually see 50 Cent, but I did play some air hockey, was a huge bitch to operate at first, but I lost both games, so then I bought some Ben & Jerrys and watched a Roseanne marathon, and that’s about where I am now. I wonder how long this marathon is. I’ve got some photoshoppin’ to do. I should eat a meal, a bowl of Half-Baked Ben & Jerry’s isn’t a healthy breakfast, but had I gone to University of Vermont it would have been my most frequent meal. Damnation.
Roseanne? horrible horrible show
Posted by: dcohen at November 21, 2004 03:38 PMman some of the beats on the 50 cent album are sweet, cause, you know, dre is a huge beast. but 50 cent is just a terrible mc. fuck him.
Posted by: farbs at November 21, 2004 04:32 PMsomebody got shot in a converted mosque whilst a muscular black man was singing "i'm into havin' sex I'm not into makin'love"? if this is the case then maybe there's something left worth fighting for in America.
god, that's so awesome...i mean tragic, horribly tragic...
Nicely written. I really could care less about 50 cent and those wasting money on his merch and cds. It's just another example of hiphop being bastardized and mcs making it rich off of songs about the harsh realities they faced growing up. It's a shitty cycle of embracing ghetto lifestyle which has probably gotten worse since 50 cent hit the billboards.
Posted by: Alo at November 22, 2004 01:23 PMi don't think it's that simple man...mcs who make it big off the hardship they went through growing up aren't bastardizing hip-hop (cf illmatic). i think 50 cent sucks for more specific reasons
Posted by: farbs at November 22, 2004 01:41 PMI can't really hate 50 cent, because I enjoy listening to some of his music, not to the point that I'd buy it, but some of that shit on his album is good to listen to, not to listen to close to, it's nothing like listening to Dylan or Hendrix where you can devote full attention to the music and get a whole lot out of it, and do nothing but listen to the music, but if you're sort of half-listening, well, it ain't bad.
On the other hand if people are hailing "if you're sort of half-listening, well, it ain't bad" type music as great stuff, then yes, there is something wrong with music. I guess the way I see is that while 50 does not make good music, he makes something near the top of the bad music scale.
S. West, you must produce this DVD so that people can see the full version of JRFE where he talks about the bus, because, you know the entry reminds me of the bus. Seriously. a lot of people are waiting on that DVD, you must produce it. They may be losing interest.
What is the bus nonsense?
Puya? Is that what yr talking about?
You're talking about a cash money bus.
"I was rolling down Rodeo..and I saw this cash money bus. It was made of diamonds. And it has a picture of a cop with a shotgun. Gonna bust up some nigga's ass, you know? And all the black people, they got rocks. And that's where it ends"
It is the story at the beginning of the special edition of Jrussell freak extraordinaire.
Posted by: DHI at November 22, 2004 07:59 PM(cf 95% of good rap music)
Posted by: fsdsd at November 22, 2004 08:47 PMwhat does cf mean?
Posted by: DHI at November 22, 2004 10:11 PMCf. is also an abbreviation for the Latin word confer, meaning "compare."
i just learned that now
Posted by: dsa at November 22, 2004 10:53 PMI come off as really racist in that extended version.
Posted by: JRuss at November 23, 2004 12:02 AMTo people who never went to a DC Public school, maybe, but anyone who did knows that everyone says stuff like that.
Posted by: DHI at November 23, 2004 08:02 AMjosh, we're sending you to deal with the naacp.
Posted by: michael. at November 23, 2004 10:10 AMIs Josh what they're calling you down at VCU? If people call me by my first name in college I think I'll be depressed.
Posted by: DHI at November 23, 2004 06:13 PMthe majority of the fuckers down here call me phonetically "Jor-sch Russerrl" because that's apparently how I present myself.
The "scene" kids still call me JRuss.
Posted by: JRuss at November 23, 2004 07:02 PMI guess if they used the first and last in combination I could handle it. But I hate my fucking first name.
Posted by: DHI at November 23, 2004 07:11 PMYou mean yr full name . . . . . .
[oh no, oh no, oh no]
searchstringssearchstringssearchstrings
You son of a bitch.
This is why I can't have a blog.
Posted by: DHI at November 23, 2004 08:24 PMif you google your name, two CIM results come up, one in my blog and one in DCo1's.
According to google results, you coined the phrase "Beauty is on the inside where no one can see it."
Posted by: JRuss at November 23, 2004 09:24 PMYou're a little off on the exact words, but it's listed unaccredited on some sites as people's "signature" for their screen name or alongside other stolen entries from that same contest in "quote databases", I'm pretty sure that someone must have said something similar sometime, but as far as I can see mine was the first in print. I gotta start doing that contest again, I missed the deadline three weeks in a row now.
Posted by: DHI at November 23, 2004 09:38 PMPlease get my name out of here, dude.
Posted by: DHI at November 23, 2004 09:42 PMi'm already dizard to many
Posted by: dizardo at November 24, 2004 11:42 AMYou hear what happened to Young Buck? He stabbed some niggga who was tryin to fuck wit dre. now hes probly gonna pay a big fine for the crime of attempted murder/creating a great song called "let me shine." Like Reagan, Wilson is gonna have a moment of silence for the death of ODB and prayers that Young Buck will beat this "rap" hahahahahaha
Posted by: Jon Mandel at November 25, 2004 04:18 PMdamn mandel, with wit like that you could write a gossip column
Posted by: sw at November 25, 2004 06:45 PMhttp://www.virtualtourist.com/m/7ecb8/
Posted by: DHI at November 27, 2004 08:50 PMpeople call me DCo, DCo1, Good Times, Danny, Daniel, Captain, and Admiral Anus Fuck
Posted by: dcohen at November 29, 2004 12:22 PMDCo, how much hash you been puffin up in Ann Arbor?
Posted by: JRuss at November 29, 2004 05:07 PMRemember that Spain trip in ninth grade? Well, the point in bring that up is: don't smoke hash in Spain.
Posted by: Alo at November 29, 2004 05:31 PMI like this new header, with its resemblance to that insufficient but worth a dollar cassette purchase greatest hits CD.
Posted by: DHI at November 29, 2004 09:46 PMSomeone offered me hash in spain when we were in that park with the VDs on the toilets...... like curtis... I should have invested in that shit... HASH IS INCREDIBLE TO CONSUME FOR NARCOTIC PURPOSES
you used that site to get some fonts,,,, did you no JRussess?
hash taint no narcotic, tis legally tender.
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