JRussell's BlogNO!!!!

manipulative and persecutive

I realized how posting pictures of myself documents how really unattractive I am. Sorry. I'll go back to fucked up rants that Saul Cohen will knock on.

school spur-it damn-it

Boy Im Gonna Set You On Fire If You Say Another Fucking Word

By all means

Unbutton those top several buttons ya square

The idea comes from my current mood, which isn't necessarily euphoric, or at least hope this isn't the best is gets, but definitely feeling very comfortable, not a stain of suicidal drivel. But it's not that much different than any other evening, alone at the computer on a Saturday, maybe it's just the Grateful Dead's 'Crazy Fingers' rather than Slayer's 'Angel of Death' that's chilling me out. I'm not on a drug right now, nor do I think any past drug experience coming back to leak euphoria back in to my brain. I just finished watching 'The Big Lebowski', a movie I had wanted to see in it's theatrical run, enamored by the preview, not really understanding the plot of the movie for years, but still wanting to it. Since then, friends have told me I have to see, declaring 'The Big Lebowski' as one of the funniest movies ever made, but I still never saw it. I often asked my dad, who works at a Potomac Video, to get it for me, it's no cost to him and all, but he never got it for me. He had seen it, considered it overrated, I suppose some of themes of an aging pothead, being a fuckup and all might have turned him off or something. A good man, a wise motherfucker, your Andrew Huber brought up 'The Big Lebowski' frequently, quoting it, bringing up Nihilists ( a phrase I only really learned about through a Rancid song); the film had the Huber seal of approval, which represents a fair amount of taste to ya' know a fucker like me. Huber and good new pal Will Dwi(fuck) Dweyer(maybe) fuck, you know him tall Will, football player from Beverly Hills, yeah yeah, fuck it, so yeah, Huber and Will would both joke about 'The Big Lebowski' in a personal manner where I didn't understand the jokes and high-fives, kind in the way I'll quote a Kevin Smith movie that someone has made the mistake of having not seen. About a week (or two) ago, your William Duh-Why-urr told me he was going to give me something that I needed, he reached in to his bag, I saw a pair of those new basketball converses which are essentially nikes with a star on them I think. "Oh dude, I wear a 13".

"oh."

So the shoes weren't for me, but Will wanted to enlightmen, he passed me a DVD of 'The Big Lebowski'. "You need to see this, funniest movie, ever."
Dahlgren entered the conversation, "What film are you talking about?" - "The Big Lebowski" - "agh, that was a very filthy movie". Awesome. Took me a while to make time to finally watch the motherfucker, everyday Will would ask if I watched the DVD he loaned, I certainly felt like pompous dick saying "I haven't had any time, fucking play practices", but he persisted, let me keep it as long as is necessary. So on the big night off, I started it. This night was a rare occasion, the home to myself, no parents or siblings. As a dumb fucking teenager, this was the world, the life. I could eat a salad over the carpet, play my records real loud, practice my screaming, dance around all over the place, piss with the door open, have the volume real loud on porn, walk inside and outside barefoot, invite girls over. It's so high school. But it was preferable. So I sat around, wondering what fucking toppings to get on my deep dish fucking pizza. The pizza of course, was quite necessary. There was a time in my life when I was willing to get thrown in jail from promises of liberty and deep dish fucking pizza. So now that the parents aren't home, oh boy, I can get some deep dish fucking pizza and you know swarm on motherfucker in a blue uniform. So first I called the Armands I assumed I should call, the fucker on Wisconsin Avenue, but apparently they don't deliver, took a while to figure out, I tend to act like a stoner on the phone, but that should be a crime, I mean stoners are usually so nice and listen to what you have to say or at least act like they've been listening. So they don't deliver from that location, so I'll call the one with the slice window, over on, shitwhat'sthatfucking Street? I make the call, they put me on hold, gives me more time to figure out with toppings to have. The toppings were a big deal, I even did a livejournal about it, you fucking stalkers should have grasped that. This is supposed to be about 'The Big Lebowski' still right? Well it's never about anything except for me being self-depricating, manifesting my self-esteem problems and not getting sex issues in the form of bad essays succeeding only through name dropping and planting the seeds of awesome ideas only to blossom in the heads of others, who'll capitalize on them, and I hope I can leech off them for the rest of my life, maybe they'll gnaw right through, or is it I doing the gnawing?

Back to the Big fucking Lebowski. So what was the point, oh yeah, so I finally watched the Big Lebowski, it was good, got some good laughs out of me. So is that fucking it? Well, I was damn comfortable watching it and thinking about afterwards, just want to prolong the no worries, piss with the door open mentality. I also want to get some high school street cred by mentioning how I had two college girls in my house, well not really two, one girl who's in college and one who could be in college but isn't. So that's cool right, I can wear mesh hats without being a poser right? I can yell loud shit and the younger kids giggle "Oh that JRussell, does he have a prom date", "Of course not" her cynical friend adds "Why would he? He's a fucking loser, look at that hair and how he relies on it for everything, you know he's not even the one responsible for the JRussell explosion", "Ah, so dreamy", "Oh shut the fuck up, let's go do that thing with tampons that chicks do". Okay. Street cred right? Bitchin. Now to the gym, I want to fit in to a cub scout belt and not look ridicilous in a size large t-shirt made in Guatemala in the 1975 bearing an aged logo of the Washington Redskins, you know, for more fucking cred. Trouble Funk ain't enough, sunglasses are like heroin, good thing I tossed the motherfuckers. Over the line! What fine time you've wasted, but I feel good, chewed up pen cap, dangling from mouth like it was a cigarette and I was Lichman, dangling like it was integrity and I was uhh some guy who lacks integrity. So the beginning was supposed to about euphoria, must be some inner longing for drugs or some hormonal alternative to drugs.

Oh boy were the 80's a trip.

Well What Do You Thrash?

What do you got?

Well that's a fucking surpise. I can't believe it; it was a traditional three day weekend minus all the traditional wanking. It's not like I've got carpal tunnal syndrome or flippers for hands. What happened, this is like not eating seconds on Thanksgiving. Society expects a loser like me to be choking the bishop a shit load, but apparently I just forgot. I would never believe it. So I started thinking. The older I get and more media I consume (both domestic and foreign) it seems like there's just an assload of wanking going on, like it's not a sacred thing, commercials make jokes about, albeit they're considered lewd, but still, there'a worldwide recognition of jerking it almost as if it was just another fluid emission like taking a dump. Like it would not be considered socially acceptable to talk to my class about tugging the tube, but I could (and have) made jokes to teachers, counselors jokes about it. So there we go, lots of people wank, and there's not really that much wrong with it.

Do parents actual discourage they're kids from pulling Excalibur? One would believe as much, just ask any high school male how to delete your internet history and there's almost a guarentee you'll hear about your cookies and the offline cache. The smart ones will tell you just to download directly from a peer-to-peer kind of thing, as not to have to worry about cookies and other incriminating tracers. So the kids don't want their parents to know that they're looking at images that getting the blood pumping down to that fine appendage. But if we're to assume that jacking off is part of human nature, wouldn't any person whose been through adolesence assume that the kids is beating it, and almost be scared if he wasn't. But you never want your parents, anybody to walk in on you. We all shriveled like fuck when she walked in on the guy in 'Fast Times at Ridgemont' and yes you fucking idiot like the Fountains of Wayne video. But I've read about Christian kids swallowing their load so they won't leave any evidence, is it really worth all that?

So it came down to this: Would I rather have my parents walk in on my jerking off or say smoking a joint? It would be more embarassing to get caught red-handed with a bologna on hand sandwich, but could the parents actually get mad at me? There'd be a massive amount of shock from both parties, could cause the damaging reverse ejaculation (again from both parties), but would they with hold my college fund, like it's not "against the rules" at all, as far as I can tell. Whereas smoking pot could get me in trouble. Of course it's against the law, but the parents definitlely would get pissed and blame my unkempt hair and poor SAT scores on a plant. There'd be all kinds of broken trust, and "How did I let this happen?". So hypothetically, I'd rather get caught doing drugs than pulling el puerco, despite a certain devastating aftermath. Is this one of those 'Only in America' things, like do Europeans just laugh if they walk in on their song wanking, and walk away singing some 400 year old Italian version of Mr. Sandman. But maybe the stigma associated with chugging the chalupa is appropriate in encouraging pro-creation, as in 'Son, if you don't start treating girls with respect, you'll be one lonely jack-off bastard'.
Can we blame Green Day? They had us singing 'Longview' in second grade, realizing what it's about in seventh grade and relating in ninth grade and on.

Bite my lip and close my eyes
Take me away to paradise
I'm so damn BORED
I'm going blind
And loneliness has to suffice
Bite my lip and close my eyes
I was slipping away to paradise
Some say,"Quit or I'll go BLIND."
But it's just a myth

So there it is kids, it ain't depressing on the surface, but all could come up with is a rant on masturbation. Depressing thought for a lonely bastard like me. It's because I have really high standards, right?

privelage is mine.

After being introduced as the man who's white on the outside but defitnitely black on the inside, a man who thinks he's Jesus, here was my fucking open mic.

So, uhhh first, please let me apologize for my first bit. It hurt a lot of people, mostly myself, but I can explain myself, I hope you'll take my apology. So the only reason I came to this school lock in thing is because there was this girl I really wanted to score with, but she's not here, she was hit by a bus, so I'm just frustrated that I can't get to do her now. I hope that's a warranted apology and all. Thanks for having me. I've got to be uhh be somewhere though.

But I guess I didn't win the open mic, I was probably beaten by the dance troupe that featured a white fake lesbian and an angry gay Vietnamese dude, or the dyslexic black dude's strip routine. Mostly the open mic was shit like it always, over dramatic bullshit about getting fucked or robbed or something else sensatinalized with that SLAM! rhythm. eh. fucking senior high school cool.

cool senior high school.