December 16, 2003
Crackin' beaks to the crackling beats of the Nutcracker Ballet
Let it be known that I'm not against vegetarians, the lifestyle is damn admirable, but I have an innate distaste for people who spend their time standing around on the streets handing out pamphlets that demand you alter your lifestyle and join up with whatever ideaology du jour that they affiliate themselves with. PETA has been coming up with some controversial new ads that I assume are designed to advance their image as "intrusive bunch of annoying cunts." First part of a campaign to convert the masses to vegetarianism launched in Rhode Island is the billboard that depicts the Virgin Mary cradling the carcass of a chicken. Just in time for the holiday season. On top of that, those creative bastards are launching an anti-fur ad campaign passing out flyers to children whose mothers wear fur. The flyers declare "your mommy kills animals." Hey, thats great. Exploit the kids. To think that kids young enough not to reject the flyers and say "Go get a real job, you Reed-educated bastard" are intelligent enough to pick up the aim of the message instead of just become extremely confused and upset is foolish. Target your ad campaign at the parents, they are the ones you are trying to change, and they are the ones tall enough to throw your flyer out in the proper receptacle. You give your glossy color-printed flyers to children and they will wind up polluting the streets. You're contributing to the ruin of the environment by doing this, you hypocritical preachy fuckers!
Is it worse to mistreat animals throughout their short lives and then kill them, or to provide them with a wonderful life and then murder them when they expect it the least? Would it change the flavor of the chicken? Would it taste worse to have your free-range chicken muscles flooded with calcium as their muscles tense up, realizing they are about to be murdered? Or would you prefer to have your mistreated chickens with tender, relaxed muscle tissue, after they see their oncoming death and a warm feeling of peaceful anticipation of the end of their suffering overtakes them? I don't think that the imprisoned chicken is unhappier than the free-range chicken. It's like the USSR, cousin. The impoverished masses living under Stalin were unaware of the freedom existing in other nations scattered around the globe. If they were made aware, they were usually killed.
So how unhappy could they have been, if they had no knowledge of things around them being much better? So they de-beak them, big deal. They don't even take the whole beak off, as the word would suggest, and the process causes only temporary pain. I was circumcised. I don't remember the event, but I once watched my neighbor's son's bris across the street from me, and let me tell you, I would not wish that upon my worst enemy. The baby's moans quickly turned to muffled gags as the mohel dug his metal tool deeper down the side of the poor fucker's wang. I would have walked right out of there if there wasn't a bomb-ass smorgasboard of bagels and lox. Needless to say, after witnessing that atrocity, the lox just didn't taste right. Can't we form an organization demanding cock-slicing reform? At least give that child some pain pills before you go to work. Fuck. And if I can't remember that sickening pain, what's to suggest a chicken will remember his beak getting cut off? Its all about information distortion, again, very Orwellian. They're all missing beaks, so all the boss chicken has to do is change the poultry newspapers to say that none of them ever had beaks to begin with.
This all assumes, of course, that chickens are conscious enough of their surroundings that they are able to detect oncoming death, and of course they are not. How hollow it must be to devote your life to curtailing the mistreatment of animals and receive no thanks from the animals themselves. This is the same conundrum that keeps beastiality illegal in many places. Fuckers just can't consent! Ah well. The bottom line is this. Chipotle now charges 30 cents more for their "ethically raised" chicken, and I have yet to taste the difference.
Another deep question arises from this scenario. Personal philosophy: is it better to live a joyous life right up until the end and then die abruptly without warning, or to become aware of your death long before it happens, possibly tainting your last days with depression and fear? My death of choice used to be "long-range sniper," but I have recently switched sides: my current death of choice is "terminal illness, minimal pain." While you would experience less anguish with my former choice, I have grown to realize that the time you have with an terminal illness allows you to tie up loose ends and actually accept death. Also, I would want to know who was killing me, if I was getting murdered. A disease can only be called by one name so thats one less problem to begin with (except for Burmese Kidney Rot, which can also be called Myanmar Kidney EXPLOSION!). Alss I know is that drowning would suck. Ugh! Man that would blow. Breathing in pure water... ugh.
So what have we learned today? PETA activists would like to be assassinated. Always gotta be the hero... you fucking glory hog. Cancer patients are never heroes unless they live. Funk dat. I'm gonna print a pamphlet full of grotesque pictures and get that changed, just like when PETA got all those corporations to treat animals ethically and eliminated animal cruelty forever. I'll start by passing it out to 6-year-olds at the theater.
there are some groups trying to ban circumcision. and drowning is supposed to be peaceful.
Posted by: chjkghf at December 17, 2003 08:37 PMwhat was the title of the Rooby Tomas article?
Posted by: JRuss at December 17, 2003 08:40 PMan account of urgent importance
Posted by: sw at December 17, 2003 08:40 PMI don't really care much for PETA, but I think they're a little more self-aware than you give them credit for being. They know they're annoying cunts; they just think it's worth being an annoying cunt to stop animal suffering (however the fuck you define that). So when they pass out "your mother kills animals" flyers to little kids, they don't want the kid to draw an informed conclusion: they want the kid to flip his shit so bad his mother will stop buying fur. Whether or not you agree with their views or tactics, they've thought this shit through. Also--and I say this as a person who loves to eat the seared flesh of dead animals--what PETA does works. I will bet you a large sum of imaginary money that in two hundred years nobody's eating meat anymore. (Except in the way that implies fellatio, obviously.)
Posted by: farbs at December 17, 2003 09:44 PMpoint taken. i still think its fuctup for PETA to use children as emotional amplifiers for their cause... knowing the six year old version of myself, i would be quite upset if a smelly, bead-wearing man leaned over to me and told me my parents were murderers. i'd flip my shit, as you say. kids shouldn't be put through trauma as the result of a purchase made by a parent- which could have occurred years ago- that a group of people may find unethical.
Posted by: sw at December 17, 2003 10:50 PMthe chicken does taste different.
Posted by: JRuss at December 18, 2003 11:23 AMI don't know, let's just say for a moment that there's this free range animal, we'll call it swest for our purposes and he has the ability to roam free the streets, further his eduction, have love and compassion for those around him, express himself freely, and better himself in anyway he sees fit. He knows that death will some day come, it maybe 70 years from now, he may get hit by a truck next time he leaves his house. So according to SOME people who write uninformed blogs it is OBVIOUSLY a better idea to keep him caged, slightly mutilated, isolated (or in some cases so close to others that he is forced to stand eat and live in a pile of his own shit) extremely depressed, BUT aware that death is just right around the corner, and therefore have "a warm feeling of peaceful anticipation of the end of their (his) suffering." While i agree that children should not be used at tools of the media, I also think that we all too easily forget that we are also animals. Have we totally lost our ability to put ourselves in someone elses shoes? To see the side of the matter from those who are effected by it the most? Oye vey i will stop ranting now, i think you get the point.
P.S. has anyone seen the PETA add with domnique swain? damn she's hot. http://www.peta.org/news/swainbig.jpg
I don't know, let's just say for a moment that there's this free range animal, we'll call it swest for our purposes and he has the ability to roam free the streets, further his eduction, have love and compassion for those around him, express himself freely, and better himself in anyway he sees fit. He knows that death will some day come, it maybe 70 years from now, he may get hit by a truck next time he leaves his house. So according to SOME people who write uninformed blogs it is OBVIOUSLY a better idea to keep him caged, slightly mutilated, isolated (or in some cases so close to others that he is forced to stand eat and live in a pile of his own shit) extremely depressed, BUT aware that death is just right around the corner, and therefore have "a warm feeling of peaceful anticipation of the end of their (his) suffering." While i agree that children should not be used at tools of the media, I also think that we all too easily forget that we are also animals. Have we totally lost our ability to put ourselves in someone elses shoes? To see the side of the matter from those who are effected by it the most? Oye vey i will stop ranting now, i think you get the point.
P.S. has anyone seen the PETA add with domnique swain? damn she's hot. http://www.peta.org/news/swainbig.jpg
I don't know, let's just say for a moment that there's this free range animal, we'll call it swest for our purposes and he has the ability to roam free the streets, further his eduction, have love and compassion for those around him, express himself freely, and better himself in anyway he sees fit. He knows that death will some day come, it maybe 70 years from now, he may get hit by a truck next time he leaves his house. So according to SOME people who write uninformed blogs it is OBVIOUSLY a better idea to keep him caged, slightly mutilated, isolated (or in some cases so close to others that he is forced to stand eat and live in a pile of his own shit) extremely depressed, BUT aware that death is just right around the corner, and therefore have "a warm feeling of peaceful anticipation of the end of their (his) suffering." While i agree that children should not be used at tools of the media, I also think that we all too easily forget that we are also animals. Have we totally lost our ability to put ourselves in someone elses shoes? To see the side of the matter from those who are effected by it the most? Oye vey i will stop ranting now, i think you get the point.
P.S. has anyone seen the PETA add with domnique swain? damn she's hot. http://www.peta.org/news/swainbig.jpg
well damn. whoops
Posted by: meliss at December 18, 2003 10:09 PMcan animals feel depressed? will it change the tenderness of their meat when we kill them days later? i'm just playing devil's advocate here. whether they live free or caged, death is still coming for them in a matter of days, according to PETA flyers in wright's room.
in thailand, little girls are enslaved and forced to blow businessmen and wealthy tourists. enslaved like chickens... yeah, humans are animals too, so should we be paying more attention to poultry than to people, who are not supposed to be slated for execution and then sold as food? or would it quell all complaints if the chicken-killers moved all of their operations into a third world country, where the goings-on don't really seem to matter? when we put ourselves in the shoes of others, maybe we should focus on beings who would actually have an idea of what shoes are!
Posted by: sw at December 18, 2003 10:25 PMas much as i love meat, you can't deny that the conditions in factory slaughterhouses are horrendous. you have a heart of stone if that shit doesn't upset you. and it's a terrible justification for anything to say "there are much worse things out there". yeah man, there are also worse things than forced prostitution out there, but that doesn't mean we should disregard it.
i'm gonna go eat some delicious brisket now
Posted by: fdfsdfsdg at December 18, 2003 11:53 PMDude, fuck animals man. What purpose do cows and chickens serve besides us eating them and their products. Can you tell me that you fucking bleeding heart hippies?
Posted by: Scorpion at December 19, 2003 09:09 AMi never denied that the conditions are horrendous. but its not like all chickens on the planet live in those conditions either....
i'm just saying we should prioritize. you think that if chickens were 8 feet tall they would hesitate to torture and maim us at their whim?
Posted by: sw at December 19, 2003 02:25 PM8 feet tall is not all that big. Now 12 feet, that's scary. it would kinda be like Big Bird trying to take over or us exploiting all legal midgets a/o latin and asian countries. wait...we already do.......
Posted by: vix at December 20, 2003 02:31 PM
fuck the P-E-T-A.
I kill all my animals myself, and then eat them.
and by "kill", I mean I pay supermarkets to kill them and prepackage them for me.
because fuck work.
-
Posted by: ma$e at December 20, 2003 09:13 PMconditions in sweatshops are horrendous, but i don't see PETA advocating boycotts of goods made in china by 9 year-old girls chained to sewing machines...
Posted by: asfhkjsjjjfj at December 21, 2003 11:16 PMsome of the same people do those things. They are called crazy post-undergraduate kids who don't know what to do with their lives.
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