February 24, 2004

Wasted Days

slurpee.jpg It's become a habit of mine to author entries half-way and never finish them. I shouldn't let them go to waste... Here are some selections, they won't make much sense, but maybe you can put them to some sort of use. [Note: Any unauthorized use of these quotes will result in legal action] Play the 'guess what was in my bloodstream' game while you check em out.

These came from early early morning February 14, 2004.

They say that robot-soap isn’t as clean as natural soap. But I say, “Robots are beings far more sophisticated than us humans. I think they’d know what to use… If its good enough for a robot, don’t you think it’s good enough for you?”

What you suffer from, sir, is “carrot of the mind” – which, although it has a [chuckling] hilarious name- is actually quite deadly.

These mind-carrots can only be removed by a sophisticated “brain-mining” technology used to shrink and eventually withdraw the carrot. Step one is to drain the carrot. This is done by stimulating the process of OSMOSIS. Basically we cut the guy’s head open and pour a bag of salt on it. Then, when we think its time, or Larry finishes his game, we wash off all the salt and pull the carrot out with our fingers. Then we use it to SEASON OUR SALAD.

But the one thing worse then a mind-carrot is the disease of ebola. I mean, seriously, have you heard of this shit? You puke out your guts or something. Your skin boils off.

There’s a wizard-well down near the old brown bag. They say wizards are born there. So mothers, hang on to your daughters, because if you get knocked up and you push out nothing but air, your bouncing baby is actually an extremely powerful wizard.
Please report him to the Wizard Commission- for your own safety. Basically we will put him in a cage until he loses his wizard power. Then we steal outta his wallet.


From an unpublished entry on January 18, 2004
If it has to be Fruit Flavored, it will probably make you ill.

You can call me a sucker for ethnic establishments or just a cooperative drunk.

The evening commenced with the standard J. Denvir shuffle, some challenging ping pong and a bit of television. Saturday Night Live seemed uncharacteristically good, but it may have just been sensory oversaturation courtesy of those giant citrus drinks with impossibly foreign names and liquor far too expensive to be wasted on the inexperienced palette of the youth.

sifting back into their locales just to pop up again two months from now and upset the whole rhythm again, like the volatile stab of a guitar lick in a pulsating dub track.

It was a satisfyingly anachronistic foray into the unpredictable. I felt like it was 2 and a half weeks ago all over again.


From an unpublished entry authored on November 21, 2003.
I perscribe myself to the belief that people with a lot of free time and money to spend are the ones that usually wind up philosophizing or deconstructing the status quo, and, as a result, getting fatter. I've never seen a starving Liberian sit down to ponder the human condition. Alls they know is eatin' bugs. As such, I've got some free time on my hands, so I'll try to break some shit down.

Anyway- there is an intense pride that is often built up in people after attending a public high school in DC. The fact of the matter is that this pride is often weened under false pretenses, like a cow raised by robots.

There are five elements that dominate my allusions and references in everyday conversation.

  • 1. Burritos
  • 2. Slurpees
  • 3. Independent Music
  • 4. Violent Crime
  • 5. Masturbatory Euphemisms
...there you have it. The key to what Wimberly would call "brilliance." Thats a tough word to throw around, by the way. Like 'rape,' it is a powerful word. I'm not brilliant. Andrew W.K. is brilliant.

-faux hip-hop culture, fooling ourselves into thinking we are down with everybody at wilson. pride on being on the hairs clinging to the outside of the peach pit that is wilson's white community, after all, its better than that cyanide filled core, right? we are protrusions into the 'culture' that we base so much of our arrogance on.
if we learned anything from Star Fox 64, its that the last place you want to be is in the core. because when the shit blows up, theres a whole new level where you have to follow your supposedly dead father to escape the rapidly detonating core. this holds true for anything. cunts on the peripheral to the nazi party got off scot free, but those officers hanged like mice in a made-for-tv Animal Farm adaptation. Hows that for illustrative allusion?

-no 70 dollar LRG sweaters

-bleak cynical worldview? (blame my dad)


So you wonder why those didn't get published? To tell the truth, it was because I again half-authored an entry tonight but didn't post it. I'm hoping I'll find a nice ending for this one. Something with a creative metaphor at the end, or a cool sound-word, like "skplaoit!!!" Fuck... I was saving that one.

Posted by sw at February 24, 2004 11:43 PM
Comments

LRG= Lifted Research Group,...thats kind of a disappointment.

Hanging on the outside of this social microcosm might be seen as a ploy, but it doesnt matter. Sure, the majority of us haven't really formed meaningful relationships with the non-caucasian wilson community, but that shouldn't take away from the social guidance we have acquired just by attending this school.

I remember sitting on a dusty wood bench, Howard University in my view, listening to Manny Burris' newest anecdote. "I'm walkin up to my front door, sweaty and tired from exercising(it was some kinda sport). As I reached in my pocket to take out the keys, I heard my neighbor call to me. "Manny, I need some help moving some things, ya think you could help me out." I walked over to her front door. She was wearing a tank top and some skimpy ass shorts, Damn you could see those thighs. I helped her move somthin out to the backyard. I was restin in the backyard when I saw her face pop out the upstairs window, "Come on up" she said. I walked up there and she was BUTT NAKED. I walked over to her as she lay on a bed, and began to zipp down. She looked at me and asked "What are ya doing" I said, Bitch what the fuck do you think I'm doing, taking a picture? "
(Manny proceeded )

So anyway, theres my meaningful ethnic friendship. He told me stories and took my baseball glove a couple times, a relationship not experienced by any other white person but me.

Posted by: GRB at February 25, 2004 02:09 PM

DAMN! I was just gonna ask what LRG was and Gabby Baker (right?) told me. Psychic bastard. You're so dangerous I have to kill you, but you'll see it coming. You'll see it coming, won't you, you bastard. - D. Iscoe (just so I don't piss all you off by not having an obvious name.

Posted by: _ at February 25, 2004 03:42 PM

Discoe, at least use your initials or something.
Its damn annoying

Posted by: GRB at February 25, 2004 05:55 PM

Is that better, Mr. Baker?

Posted by: DHI at February 25, 2004 07:07 PM

that works well, discoe.
nah, i didn't mean to say that i don't have any black friends, or friends of any other minority for that matter. jules and claudia are full-blown spics and patrick is a full-blown arab. just because they dont act like the stereotypes would like them to doesn't negate their 'unamerican' blood.
i remember that manny tale too.. probably heard it 3 or 4 times. he loved telling that shit.

anyway, you see why i didn't post that argument. it could have gotten a lot longer, but it had some holes.

Posted by: sw at February 25, 2004 07:48 PM


well.
at least you finally summed yourself up, referenced Star Fox 64, and I figured out how to deal with robots.

hm.
by the way. go see club dread.

Posted by: ma$e at February 26, 2004 01:17 AM

claudia's hispanic? she doesnt make it fucking clear enough

Posted by: bobbo at February 26, 2004 04:31 PM

hahaha

Who's bobbo?

Posted by: DHI at February 26, 2004 06:36 PM

thats bobbo routh of 'american thighs'- the short-lived superblog run by himself and saul "ffdfjjghs" cohen

Posted by: sw at February 26, 2004 06:52 PM

Ah. I see they share the same e-mail address.

Posted by: DHI at February 26, 2004 11:20 PM

Hey gabe, thanks for giving me the credit on figuring out what LRG stands for...asshole

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Posted by: _ at February 27, 2004 03:39 PM

instead of osmosis, you should really call it "accelerated evaporation by salt" since that is what you are really doing. dc public school pride borders on preventive to the development of social skills with others, especially whites, from D.C. i would almost agree with that entry except that it didn't go anywhere in the first place. continue.

Posted by: vix at February 27, 2004 07:48 PM

what the fuck are you talking about? That sounded really intelligent but I took nothing out of it. Please 'splain in easier in pre-chewed easy to swallow wordssss.

Posted by: JRuss at February 28, 2004 01:39 PM

in other words;

i think i would agree with you if you elaborate a little more on that last "entry"

Posted by: vix at February 28, 2004 09:02 PM

that wasn't jrussell, he was at work during that time slot

plus his word choice was an obvious fake!

Posted by: sw at March 2, 2004 08:14 PM

Hey so basically anyone can write something and put anyone's initials, nickname, or jibberish and people will think it's that person. This makes me uncomfortable.


Yeah, I know I'm late on this whole commenting dealie with the blog that was done almost a month ago. Shut up.

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