You Arrogant Bastard

Hope I Beat Dcohen To It...

The guy who cracked the DVD encryption codes has now programmed a clever little ditty that allows you to copy downloaded music on iTunes, which was previously not possible. (Note that CNN misinterpreted the title of his weblog, "So Sue Me," for a 'message' on the website.)

His blog contains some interesting thoughts on the matter, particularly this entry. He responds to the hate mail of "Mac zealots"...

None of them explain how this is different and why GNU/Linux users should not be allowed to play legally bought music. Instead they go on to rave about how great iTMS is and that the imposed DRM is a good compromise. If they hadn't been completely clueless about copyright law, they'd know that Fair Use is the compromise. Some of them claim that this will lead to the RIAA imposing stricter DRM. Did they suddenly realize that it's the RIAA, and not Apple, which determines the rules for the iTMS DRM? ... They have failed to understand that by buying into DRM they have given the seller complete control over the product after it's been sold.

Though the zealots are correct in the notion that this is a considerable leap from his last famous hack, the guy has a point. If I buy a CD at the store, who is anybody to tell me that I am not allowed to burn it for a friend? Or 10 friends? "They're my kids, I own 'em!"

I stand by my convictions-- I am not a big filesharer, but the day that there exists a music service that offers any song that I could possibly want, I would be more than happy to pay for it. As it is now, you have a better selection of music on the free filesharing services than on the RIAA-sanctioned products. Let me know when I can get Esteban on iTunes, and then you'll get my money. Esteban. The gold standard.

Time Spent on Accent

There's been a lot of talk about this so-called 'accent' lately. During the Skullfuck Tour 2003 I was accosted by many a ripe young scholar with questions surrounding my ethnicity. No, not the usual fat-face "you look Asian" pun, but these had to do with my voice. An eager young Russian asked me if I was from Eastern Europe. "No," I told him, "but I have a fur hat." Somebody else asked me where I got the accent.... "DC." That newspaper lady said she knew I knew J Russell because of my ‘accent.’ I chuckled sheepishly, and then went back to imagining what I would do if I had a jet pack.

Here in DC, the consensus is "You and all of your friends talk the same." Just the other day, Schultz himself asked the origins of my accent. I couldn't explain it. It evolved, I guess. I think J Russell was the first to use it, but he tells people he got it from me. I look at the old QGGOAT tapes and I can see it develop. I thought that J Russell got it from his dad, and I got it from J Russell. I may have distorted history, like those newspaper-eating worms. Or maybe its origins were in fact organic, or maybe I am just licking my own asshole here and the ‘accent’ is just a massive conspiracy to get me to stop talking so goddamn much.

No… that’s not it. Other people are using it now. The Trevors of the world are assuming our accent, presenting it in conversation, and, consequently, getting blown by Brazilians. We accent formulators are the Wizards of this social Oz. We are the listless mechanics behind the green curtain, dictating to the large, chiseled-featured heads made out of smoke. Damnit. I wish they would re-tool the end of that movie, so Dorothy would blow the Wizard instead of that Giant head of smoke. Wait- that was the Wizard of Oz, right? I always get it confused with Power Rangers. I just know that somebody got blown, and it wasn’t the wizard. Wizards always get the shaft. Like that Ian McKellen. Hows that for a double entendre?! That’s right. Grip it on that other level. High brow jokes about gay wizards.

As I was saying, this accent is beginning to spread. Everybody at the 'Exchange is emphasizing an odd syllable when they make a joke. Could it be a distinct accent developing? There's never been a DC accent... No. Again, I'm flattering myself. It's a Wilson thing. People at Burke have been adopting the signature Danny Guilfoyle twang--- twenty percent caricatured ebonics, well enunciated, with an emphatic and powerful gust of air added to the empasized word, as though one is holding a small tangerine in their mouth and talking around it. Recently I have encountered people at functions, tapping their shoulders honestly expecting to face Danny G. when they turned around. I've had to issue a few half-assed apologies, followed by a conversation about how they sound just like Danny. Usually works itself out something like this... [italics indicates the Guilfoyle twang]

"Dude, you sound exactly like Danny!"
"No, man, you sound exactly like him! [indicates J Russell]"
"No I don't."
"No! Yes you do! Yes you do! Listen to this guy talk. Dude! Listen to this guy talk. Talk, man. Say something."
"Uhh... Good afternoon."
[general commotion]
"See! I told you!"

Then we both get along for the rest of the night. Maybe I score some free liquor for entertaining him and his friends, if I'm lucky. I guess every school has its accent. I wonder what the accent is like over at Galludet. If sporting events tell us anything, it's probably pretty disturbing. But the George Lucases of the world need sound effects, so I guess we shouldn't force 'em into labor camps. After all, Chewbacca fucking made Star Wars. I'm sorry if I offended any deaf readers. Should have been taking potshots at the blind ones. I sure hope you easily-offended blind folks don't have one of those text reading programs. Well, I apologized to the right audience. After all, a blind man can cuss you out, but a deaf man can aim a gun. I should quit with the bigotry. I wish all handicapped people would be like Christopher Reeve, devoting their lives to making fun of their condition for comic relief. Full paralysis... you hilarious bastard.

Where was I? Oh yeah. So the roots of the accent, like the elusive blue whale, shall go without understanding for all time. So the next time you use it in class to make a lame pun, or stretch out a syllable for comedic affect, thank Allah, the pagan god of the unknown.

Side Notes

Quick side notes before I retire.
Citizen Cope's website has been redesigned. Looks like Arista has finally actually acknowledged signing him. How ironic that his first album flopped so substantially that his second one had to be announced first by The Northwest Current. Great first album.

The song they have up there is good, but the recording makes his voice sound a little weird. Sounds a whole lot better live in my opinion. Hoping its just an early demo.

So, more motivation for me to download music for free... my fucking CD drive can't play a new disc without skipping sounds and jumps, and Windows Media Player crashes my computer. Chalk one up for the file-sharers. "I love you. Lick my dick."

Insanely Good Show

New Year's Day at 930.

Okayplayer Winter Break Tour featuring THE ROOTS
w/ Aesop Rock • Mr. Lif • Vast Aire • Pete Rock • CL Smooth • Skillz • Little Brother • J-Live • Jean Grae • Dice Raw

Jesus Fuck. For the amount of talent you have balled up in that list, in a club like that, 30 dollars is a damn bargain.

Now who's going with me?!

Googlism

So J. Russell alerted me to this Googlism website, where you can punch in a name or phrase and it will tell you "what google thinks" of it. Here's some highlights for the bloggers.

trevor martin is a volunteer in the lab; he's helping mike seminack with some of his mutant studies
trevor martin is fighting the hold
trevor martin is dead

josh russell is developing a surreal cosmology intended to light a path through the gumwrappers dropped by generation x
josh russell is congratulated by joe zedalis of the asbury park press after being awarded monmouth county's defensive mvp
josh russell is conductor
josh russell is a biochemist/sound artist from san diego
j russell is a founder and director of the centre for theology and natural science
j russell is living in fulham with bobby and is selling something to someone but i can never quite remember what

danny cohen is serious
danny cohen is da mang
d cohen is left of the basket about 11 feet away

sam west is a geocache artifact
sam west is a razor
sam west is what a realtor should be
sam west is still on drums; west is one of the best drummers currently playing rock music
sam west is the son of timothy west and prunella scales
sam west is really a raving lunatic
sam west is offering "coach yourself" products from his web site

tom vladeck is not only our star pitcher
saul cohen is a lawyer recognized for his knowledge of publication law
robert routh is a senior
victoria higgins is the company's lead irish dancer

cocaine in motion is like a giant ball of twine
cocaine in motion is not defunct
cocaine in motion is alive

Try Googlism.

The Last of the One-Acts Trilogy

I think it's gonna be 'Junius.' ... a dark comedy in the Dead Child vein, about plans gone awry when an unexpected event occurs. Trains, funerals, gin, J. Russell.

I'll borrow a time-tested slogan from the Honourable Sammy Sklover here... [nodding head excitedly] "Good idea?! Good idea?!"

Well? Good Idea?

Damn Contrived Speech Patterns

So I just got through with Gorlin. Boy that conservative fuck didn't know what hit him. Yet I'm the one who can barely remember what took place, and it was 15 minutes ago.

Consider the rediculousness of it all for a moment. What was I doing at 23rd and M, talking to this guy I had never met before? Job interview you could call it. Like a job interview. It wasn't a job interview. This was another rung on the fuckladder that is applying to a fucking college. I was being interviewed in hopes of eventually being offered the great privilege of letting my parents pay 160,000 dollars so I can share a room with some emaciated gay jew and get high. And if it's a single room, jerk off. Here are the stats on Gorlin:

- White male, CC '65. That would make him about 60 years old.
- Conservative Republican Lobbyist
- Intellectual Property Rights Lawyer

So what would we talk about? Youthful exploits? Music piracy? Political Issues? Whores?

I certainly wasn't going to show him my bomb-ass Marvin Gaye shirt. We wound up talking mostly about my parents. Fucking great. One subject that I don't really know anything about. "Uhh, they're journalists," I told him. "Really? Of what sort?" Of what fucking sort?! "Uhh, newspapers. My mom edits and my dad... uhh... and my dad ... writes." Whew. What could he possibly come back at me with? "Now this is all very interesting to me. How does one ascend to the position of editor?" Jesus fuck. How the fuck should I know? I wasn't alive 20 years ago to watch my mother pull/utilize/suck whatever string/connection/cock got her a job at the Post.

Let's talk about my parents some more, sir. "How do they act at home?" Fucking Gorlin! They talk to each other! They eat food! They go to sleep! What do you want to hear? That they construct fantastical paiper mache sculptures?!That they build bombs? That they paint skeletons?

We got around to talking about being a Jew. Okay... Another subject that doesn't tap my verbal water cooler. Why couldn't I have one of those hip interviewers who takes you to a disco and offers you a hit of their meth? Or at least one of those burned-out 29 year olds who just like hearing somebody talk about being a teenager because it reminds them that they used to enjoy their life? The whole coat-and-tie ambience of this office building had my colon quivering. Fucking collar was too tight. Damn fat neck.

Well, despite my qualms, the damn thing went ok. Only lasted about 20 minutes, which creeped me out. Thats no good, right? At least, going into it, I had the opportunity to dig up a bit of dirt on this fellow. Ah well, so it goes. I'll build my own damn college.

Festival Poster

Alright, so you guys chimed in on DCO's version, why don't you try this one
on for size? It's still just a draft, and i'm working on it. need to do something more with the contrast, it seems to lack focus in my opinion. Oh yeah, and those times and admission prices are not set in stone, just educated guesses. What thinks ye?

The Educational Process

Enough of that Carnival of Carn. Damn thing was getting too dated. Yeah sure the stories were ok, but you know how that train flows. Don't wanna get set back, summarizing my days from one month later... So I'll just get back to talking about the same old shit that you couldn't possibly understand unless you are me.

So how you been? How about that weekend eh?

Autumn is here. how about that fucking shit? ....

Man I'm really out of my groove. 8=====D

Sorry for all this cryptic bullshit, I'm no DCO1, blogging every object I come across during the day. Give me some time. Its been nothing but work and stress for the last two weeks. I ought to get a scanner so I can KICK IT like Jrussell. I guess this is a process, right? Gotta ease back into it- I can't write a kickass documentation of anything if I can't remember what I did two days ago. What the fuck did I... oh yeah. OHH YEAH. Ha ha ha.

Listen, I should end this now, its not going anywhere. I am mainly writing it so the white text-box will extend to the bottom of the brown link-box. Its an exercise, though. Don't you worry. Part of a process. A gradient, if you will. A shit-stained gradient, like that fucking tunnel in Sportland. So, I guess that tunnel burned down. You young kids wouldn't remember it. That tunnel smelled like shit every day of the week. I think they spackled over it. Who knew that shit would pierce the spackle? I'll catch you later.