You Arrogant Bastard

Quadrathlon Schedule Online

Hey you kids, another quick note: the schedule for this week's Quadrathlon has been posted online.

Click here for that schedule.

Planning Period

Hey kids, a quick notice, if you are down: the Whiskey Gang (whatever that is) is planning a quadrathlon for next week.

Click here to find out more information.

Also note Alapo's upcoming BBQ.
Sounds like quite a blast.

For Your Records... November

Deluxe Edition! Search strings by which cocaineinmotion.com was accessed, November 1 through November 14, 2004:

cuck
ice t
lick dick
owned
wednesday night karate explosion
dick lick
night of silence
gorgeous george public access
how to ride a skateboard
eli dvorkin
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snort zoloft
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thighs
cocaine lovers
ice-t
kindervan
irish slut
squirells
smallnipples
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jesus fuck
smilez and southstar
simpsons fucking
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fridge ico
fridge icons
zoloft snort
tenleytown sushi
cornhusker lotion
ancient west african innovations
hey man
judy woodruff cry
here the fuck is ohmaha
nalgene vending machine
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2004 oscars
three way lesbians
mattress party definition
brother fucks his sister
kinds of chili
benoit balls
fuck motion
digestive system funny clips
president foreigners orrin hatch
brutal prog
southstar and lil smiles
starvation
will they make the hobbit
the hoipes
livestrong bracelet
washington fine properties
who owns the right to the hobbit and why isn t he giving it to peter jackson
gagagaga
home run baseball camp
jenna jameson - porn lesbian orgy video
charisma fucking
bimbo soccer
hilarious picture
insulting birthday
dougie fresh photos
bittorrent kid rock picture
ben s chilli bowl
john titor laser bend
motion clips of people talking
t-boning
arriven time
woke up drool cocaine
fake apple motion
good chili
social status money looks intelligence charisma
cocaine community
mung / bodies
what are thighs
blue mortar color
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mike ruekberg years
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europa
women feel great after kicking in the groin
motion clips of the great barrier reef
all women are lesbians
cumfest
growing-a-beard october-2004
ben folds abortion song- lyrics
essays on carpal tunnal syndrome
how to build something to help handicap people using legos
i can t ride a skateboard
fidel pussy tattoo
pictures of wisconsin ave at tenleytown
konfabulator widget weather source code
lesbians with dildos
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thigh
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arrogant bastard cheese
twentysomething bittorrent
tom bombidil pictures
king henry viii ghost footage
mattress party
not lesbians
erotic stories cocaine
fucking simpsons
the blenda matic
white trash lawn ornaments
swedish gay naked 12 years boy 14/11
tight fucking
younger prostutition
mandel xxx
old man fucking young girl
ate two chipotle burritos
superbowl of hardcore 2004
bob dylan t-shirt you wouldn t understand
toilet paper roll innovations
slurpee
grb lawsuits
bittorrent pink eye
cocaine online video
james e. sabow
marvin gaye shirt
ben and jerry s gas station photos
steak n egg
mung is real dead
real orgasm
who s your daddy fuckjob
milk cocaine
natalie portman ecstasy
mountain dew and liquor
drunk dialing mp3
fsdafds
a picture graph of potato s
mustard squeeze bottles custom
tootsie roll slot machines
hard drive fluxing
jamaican acki
mexican banditos
chipotle s and barbacoa and recipe
disgusting picture
white boy basketball
james white basketball
fluxing hard drive
how to make good rap songs
what is contispation?
stalin white rap kid
cocaine lovers online
if peter jackson directed his dark materials
homeless take a shit
2004 georgia laws on how to emancipate a minor child
.sclzzzzzzz_ file
gervase peterson
man holding ak47
is peter jackson going to make the hobbit into a film
edo s squid phone
cowboy decore for houses
freshfields full walk path map
girls forcin guys to eat shit or other things

Looks like Tailored Results is still leaving its mark on our internet identity. Too bad it is no longer the top link for the death of Ronald Reagan.

Collage of Cognition

Introduction

CapsFanBen (12:01:01 PM): ive been reading on the chicago class of 2008 boards, and some of these people are just way too excited to be going to college...i like home
CapsFanBen (12:01:23 PM): orientation should be fun tho, cause there will be no class
Self (12:02:17 PM): yeah
Self (12:02:32 PM): you read my mind about those boards man
Self (12:02:43 PM): people are too quick to assume that everything will be great
CapsFanBen (12:03:33 PM): u know whats also really fucking wierd, are how people have already started to add each other as friends at their schools on facebook before even meeting face to face
Self (12:03:42 PM): yeah i hate that shit
Self (12:03:47 PM): i veto that shit
(August 24, 2004)

So it’s been about two full months at this motherfucker and I figured an appropriate time to look back on things and see how they are working out. And while you youngsters back at home rack your brains over whether or not you can list “National Honor Society” on your college application since Sonnabend hasn’t made any official announcements yet, I figured you could use a bit of reprieve from the whole “judge me” cycle. So take heed as I tell you my impressions of college, because after all, I am more important than you.

Flash forward three months. You have decided where you are going to school, unless you are waiting to see whether those strings your family friend pulled at Yale actually connected to the sack of some human important (hint: no). If you think you are still deciding where to go to school, you are lying to yourself and others and in Greek times you would be executed. Last year I was astonished at the amount of thought that people seemed to put in to the decision of where to go after they had already applied and been accepted, only to decide upon the school they had originally leaned toward. What school is that? I’ll tell you. It’s the one with the best reputation. Now tell me I’m wrong: again I suggest execution.

Behold: In one paragraph I have summarized one of the toughest parts about your college admissions process. Kind of takes all the fun out of it, eh? Well, it is a barbaric process that brings out the worst in people and you should get it over with as quickly as possible.

So you are going to Michigan, or a far more expensive private school, but it’s not about the money. I took the route of the private school so I’ll give you that half of the story. I’ll start off by reiterating that I think you can get as good an education at any public school that you can at any private school. Does that mean I regret my choice? No, though I must admit feeling guilty for the strain I am undoubtedly putting on my family’s personal finances. If my parents were more up-front about their earnings I would be able to put things into perspective, but what I know now I must deduce from the clues that I have.
-We buy the store-brand milk and Fresh Fields is only for “Oriental Rice Snacks” and unexpected fish.
-Somehow my parents plan to feed the beast upwards of $75,000 a year for the next few years
Where is this money coming from? Massive offshore jewel-mining operation? Secret Rocky Mountain jewel-mining operation? Anyway, you pick the private school. Flash forward another 7 months.

Orientation

Self (10:59:55 PM): has your school been smothering you with welcome shit
luasnehoc (11:00:08 PM): well im in orientation for the next entire week
Self (11:01:30 PM): yeah
Self (11:01:35 PM): they really laid it on here today
Self (11:01:47 PM): the whole orientation committee is like... trained to cheer for us whenever we walk anywhere
Self (11:02:02 PM): i feel like im in the twilight zone brother
Self (11:02:14 PM): in two weeks these are the dudes that are gonna be walking all over our freshman asses
(August 30, 2004)

Welcome to the most dehumanizing week of your life. Here’s how it works. You show up on campus and you are immediately herded into a field where people shout at you through megaphones. Sounds like Deal, right? Well, it is, kind of, except everybody pretends to like you and there’s no soul. The large columns and aged bronze structures around are symbols of tradition and history, concepts that all pompous private schools love to flaunt, but careful: this does not necessarily entail soul. You can cast all the plaques you want, but a million bronze plaques with latin slogans on them still won’t bring the soul that braises within a single collapsed poolside brick wall. Some would say that wall collapsed in order to vent some excess soul; others would say that the wall was constructed poorly and fell into disrepair over a span of years as a result of weathering and neglect. I am inclined to agree with the former. After all, this is America, we base our decisions on faith, MIS-TER SCIENTIST.

At any rate, the only other real parallel to Deal orientation is that everybody here acts like they are 12 years old. But I don’t blame the kids, we were forced to partake in some damn childish games and general bullshit. Now, I never went to sleep away camp (I preferred to stay at home and declare my superiority to those who went to sleep away camp), but I assume that this was what it was like.

Self (10:38:57 PM): these schools have replaced traditional education with childish games
luasnehoc (10:39:56 PM): icebreakers?
Self (10:40:28 PM): yeah
luasnehoc (10:40:36 PM): fuck that
Self (10:40:41 PM): yeah seriously
Self (10:40:44 PM): it was dehumanizing
(August 30, 2004)

You stand out there and they tell you “We’re going to play a game now: Everybody get in groups according to what month in which you were born. Now, everybody walk around your group and shake hands with everybody, tell them your name, where you are from, and an interesting fact about yourself.” Simple enough.

Hi, yeah, nice to meet you, I’m from DC too. Oh… Potomac? Nah, it doesn’t matter, a lot of people… yeah, I mean, who would know… what? Wilson. Woodrow Wilson… Churchill? Yeah I know what it is… no, I don’t know him. Oh you volunteered somewhere or some shit? Great. Yeah, no, it doesn’t matter, I will never see you again. We have both wasted our time. Game over? Sweet, maybe now I can go back to my cinder block room…

But no- there are more games planned for you. “This time, everybody get down on the ground and bark and crawl around like a dog, and when you bump into someone, you get up and tell them your name, where you are from, and an interesting fact about yourself.” I guess its like boot camp- they will break you down and then build you back up from scratch. Right? It has all been thought out, they’ve done this for decades… right?

Humans

luasnehoc (10:40:47 PM): also fuck walking around the hall and socializing
Self (10:40:53 PM): word
luasnehoc (10:41:01 PM): i dont like standing on the edge of conversations and wiaiting to get a word in
Self (10:41:18 PM): hahaha yeah man
luasnehoc (10:49:38 PM): my school is ridiculous
luasnehoc (10:49:58 PM): for the hall meetings the RAs have to ask everyone their preferred pronoun
luasnehoc (10:50:03 PM): like, that is school policy
luasnehoc (10:50:19 PM): the pronouns are "he" "she", or "ze"
luasnehoc (10:50:27 PM): ze means you do not identify with a gender
Self (10:52:39 PM): damn man
Self (10:52:46 PM): but you are enjoying it, yes?
luasnehoc (10:53:00 PM): it's ok
Self (10:53:10 PM): you will LEARN TO LOVE IT
Self (10:53:12 PM): or so they say
luasnehoc (10:53:14 PM): i mean, i expected everyone to be gay liberal "ze"s
luasnehoc (10:53:23 PM): but apparantly half my hall is meatheads
luasnehoc (10:53:29 PM): which sucks too
luasnehoc (10:53:34 PM): fucking lacrosse
Self (10:53:38 PM): lame
luasnehoc (10:53:40 PM): what a bullshit sport
Self (10:53:53 PM): anything we carried over from INDIAN TIMES has become bullshit
luasnehoc (10:54:15 PM): canoes dont fuckig work, it's proven
luasnehoc (10:55:03 PM): everyone walks around in the hall socializing
luasnehoc (10:55:04 PM): it's gay
Self (10:55:05 PM): yeah
Self (10:55:13 PM): ihavent really tried to meet local hall folk yet
Self (10:55:20 PM): they are all kosher keeping douchebags
luasnehoc (10:55:23 PM): oh yeah?
Self (10:55:31 PM): well, not all of em
Self (10:55:54 PM): but a few were like, "I notice that candles are disallowed. May we light them upon Shabbat?"
luasnehoc (10:56:10 PM): haha
(August 30, 2004)

But, I don’t know man, I’ve been more impressed with the kids in the “antisocial” dorm than the ones over here in the “social” dorm. I guess I missed the memo that equates sociality with conducting awkward conversations about nothing that go nowhere and are laden with junior-high school sexual innuendoes. Girl: “Hey, where’s [Jewish kid with hat]?” Boy: “Oh, he told me to tell you to go to my bed and wait for him there. And get naked.” The other 6 people sitting in the room: “[awkward silence]” Yes, it is harder to masturbate here, Discoe has proven it, but Christ- hitting on girls in group situations- group situations- brings down the conversation substantially. Not to mention that one cardinal rule at college is not to fraternize with the broads pon your own floor… or so I’ve been told. Yeah, the parallels to seventh grade here are truly chilling. So the kids lack some worldly wisdom and social skills, but don’t they know how to jerk off? (Thursday, Sept 23, 2004)

luasnehoc (10:56:29 PM): fuck these overly social dicks

Self (10:56:32 PM): yeah dude
Self (10:56:41 PM): it reeks of inauthenticity
luasnehoc (10:56:47 PM): public school has rendered us cagey and paranoid
Self (10:56:49 PM): "I am from California too!"
Self (10:56:50 PM): yeah man
Self (10:56:52 PM): jaded
Self (10:57:08 PM): im glad i can talk to some people that still share my viewpoint
(August 30, 2004)

Fuck the ominous warnings from your adults, your Honorable Jeffrey Schultzes, the “forget your friends from high school, you’ll lose touch with ‘em” – Schultz does have a way with words, yeah, he is one of those dudes that is completely honest with you no matter what the situation, but he does it with an upstate New York mafia-esque benediction- that man could sentence me to death and I would smile. Fuck your young kids with their dreams of new personality at college- there’s something to be said for the dude who can befriend a new slew of utes and hang on to his old pals- you shouldn’t have to change who you are in order to get people to know and enjoy you. Fuck those hangers on who will “decide upon” a new social group or “find” a new social group and assimilate completely. As Emerson once said, “Do your thing, and I shall know you.”
(Thursday, September 23, 2004)

Do your thing, and I shall know you. Do your work, and you shall reinforce yourself. A man must consider what a blindman's buff is this game of conformity. If I know your sect I anticipate your argument.

Life
There is something very troubling about constantly being “at” school- you leave your residence and there right in front of you is where you go to class. When I applied here I relished the convenience of a central campus, but now I long for the separation that once existed between my home and school. I had to make an effort to walk there- the mental effect of this distinction should not be understated.

Ever wonder why college kids abuse substances to such a legendary degree? It’s not about independence as much as it would seem. Sure, you have your kids who excitedly decide to shed the puritan guise they had maintained throughout high school, to “loosen up:” these are often the kids who you step over on your way back to the room- the ones that completely overdo it the first couple weeks- dried vomit in on shirt, lips, and hair… dried semen? You’ve also got your Greek life, your beer swilling fratboys, but what accounts for the remaining hundreds of liters of midgrade Swedish vodka that get put away every weekend?

Let me just say this. Enjoy your comfortable chairs while you can, your big name chairs- Hookers, La-Z-Boys. Resources here are limited, unless you are very wealthy. You must do something to pass the time. College has destroyed the exciting mystique that once enveloped an unopened bottle of booze. It is also rapidly draining the appeal of alcohol as an event in itself. When you don’t have a well-carpeted room to hang out in, or at least a well-cushioned couch to booze upon, it stops being fun to drink, drinking just becomes what you do to forget that you are not having fun. And that is dangerous territory- or so I have been told.

Academics
Everybody knows that college students don’t give a fuck about education. I have learned two things here, and I will list them for you immediately:
1. Killing is acceptable.
2. The proper scientific spelling of the word ‘feces’ is ‘faeces’

Conclusion

I suppose the great advantage of going to school here, besides the cheap pizza, is that you could really disappear into the bowels of this sprawling giant city if you wanted to. I’m feeling great in general: I can chill my booze for the first time ever without fear. September 23, 2004

Just make sure you get off the vacuum of your campus a couple of times a week…and for fuck sake, wear shoes into the bathroom. You never know when your buddy will take a bunch of sleeping pills and piss all over the bathroom carpet.

Pay Attention

Recap: The Best One I've Seen So Far.

Required Reading:

1. Letter From Wall Street Journal Iraq Correspondent.

2. NYT Editorial, October 23.

3. How He Did it

Just For Laughs: We'd Probably Be Safe ... if it went off downtown

And leave the commentary to Dizardo.

But dudes, enough of this Obama hype-- does anybody actually know/care about his views? Sure, he is young and black and his hat is real low, but is that all that matters?

SELECTION Day

PieToaster (3:11:29 PM): write in?

OldShizer (3:11:37 PM): Mr. Patty and Scorpion

OldShizer (3:11:40 PM): what about you

PieToaster (3:11:52 PM): Roy Ayers and J. Russell

OldShizer (3:12:13 PM): nicely done

PieToaster (3:12:28 PM): those uncontested fuckers

Go out there and get 'em, citizen.