July 29, 2003
No Fitty? Bring the Ruckus.
GOT YO NECK MOTHAFUCKAZ!
Hoo-Ha...
This is grand. Apparently, a new Department of Defense program allows traders to bet on the likelihood of future terrorist attacks. The new program, which will be implemented this coming Friday, is designed so that registered users will be able to invest their money into so called "terror futures," that specify a certain type of attack and its intended region of impact. If the supposed attack actually transpires, the investor who correctly envisaged the attack would gain a monetary reward. Example: If I bet that Saddam Hussein loyalists will assassinate L. Paul Bremer on September 17th, 2003, and lo and behold they actually do, then I get to cash in my investment. Too bad for Bremer, but hey, I got $200, who gives a fuck right?
Apparently Congress does...
"I think this is unbelievably stupid. That is a gentle thing to say about a program that is so devoid of value. It combines the worst of all our values in my judgment. It's a tragic waste of taxpayer money. It will be totally offensive to almost everyone." - Sen. Byron Dorgan, D-North Dakota
"[The] idea of a federal betting parlor on atrocities and terrorism is ridiculous and grotesque. The bizarre plan we are describing today is a waste of taxpayer money and it needs to stop immediately. The program's intent is clear: the federal government is encouraging people to bet on and make money from atrocities and terrorist attacks." - Sen. Ron Wyden, D-Oregon, said.
Interesting. Personally I think this shit is just bizarre.
Posted by Nostradamus at July 29, 2003 03:17 AMDamn Trev, that shit is mother fucking bizarre. But hey man have you been watching the world series of Poker on ESPN. Man is that the shit. Ok so there is this rookie, Chris Moneymaker, who is up against that spanish guy who listens to music while he is playing and sings the songs to himself, so the spanish guy has two aces and chris has two eights and the flop already happened with nothing helping either. So Chris is like shit when he sees the aces and both players went all in. So the next card is dropped.....it is a mother fucking eight and chris wins.! It was tight.
Posted by: GRB at July 31, 2003 01:27 AMisnt that a rerun? i swear I've seen it before.
Posted by: Nostradamus at July 31, 2003 01:31 AMgot yo neck nigga.
the DOD completely stole this from my "who will tom osann mug next" betting pool idea. sike naw.
seriously though, this is all fuct up. did you see that homeland security just put out another warning about hijackings that are scheduled to take place "this summer"? could this all be a ploy to generate market revenues? to cite two music works, we are "slip-slidin' away" into "GRIP IT! on that other level" --- a whole new level of government corruption. I can just imagine the future press releases...
"Department of Defense, Official Press Release, September 25, 2007.
Terror plot scheduled for winter 2007. but where? Subscribe to our premium service for just 4.99/month and WE WILL TELL YOU! or you can always call 1-900-TERORTIP for 99 cents per minute for UP TO THE MINUTE investor's tips. and check out our HOT HOT PIX of underage girls GUZZLING HORSE CUM! Plus, guess the death toll of the attack and you can DOUBLE YOUR MONEY! Death toll does not include black people as they have been deemed sub-human by the president's CHAOS COUNCIL. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? MONEY IS TO BE MADE IN THE TERROR-MARKET! ORDER VIAGRA ONLINE FOR CHEAP! ALL-NATURAL LEGAL HIGHS WITH OUR HYDROPONIC FLOWER-HERBS of FREEDOM! FREE FUCKING INTERNATIONAL DRIVER's LICENSE!
Sincerely,
Chancellor Rumsfeld."
hahahaha. Yeah I was puzzling over that DOD "later summer" airline hijacking warning. Side note: The program I described in this entry was actually nixed nearly 12 hours after I posted it. I guess they found out about me.
Interesting fact: You know who the mastermind of said program was? None other than John Poindexter from Iran/Contra (in)fame.
Posted by: Nostradamus at July 31, 2003 11:16 AMyou fucking cunt! you lied to us.
whered you get that news, that fucking zionist newspaper? that shit is always wrong.
im puzzled. explain your last comment?
Posted by: Nostradamus at August 1, 2003 07:02 PMNah Swest. I read about this online somewhere, although it could have been that fuckin Zionist Paper. Nah Trev I'll back ya up on this
That Spanish player who always is listening to music is a mister Umberto Brenes and he is a P-I-M-P
Posted by: CapsFanBen at August 7, 2003 02:38 PMThat which does not kill us makes us stranger.
Posted by: Richman Hannah at March 17, 2004 10:19 PM